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Gil Thorp, 7/30/08

I can’t hold back any longer! Summer, my friends, is the season when Gil Thorp is traditionally freed from the shackles of its need to focus on boring high school athletics and truly finds its completely deranged natural level. 2006 brought us vicious fights between little girls and Ben Franklin, time-traveling golf grifter; last summer, we saw one-legged boxing follies and the glory and majesty of Coach Kaz, PI to the rock and roll Carole King. Thus, I’ve been patiently awaiting the end of the very special “Elmer gets deported” storyline so we can move on to the summer madness.

But now, as we’re only a few weeks away from the start of football practice, it’s becoming clear that there is no joy in Milford. Elmer’s springtime woes have just dragged right on into July, as he’s been recalled from his two-week Mexile to take a spot on the independent minor league Kalamazoo Kings. So instead of boring high school sports action, we’re getting boring vaguely professional sports action, and it’s boring. The faint hopes that were raised by my first read of panel two’s narration box — “It’s the Kings vs. the Chillicothe Pants” — were dashed by a closer inspection of the text. Even the red-hot lower back action in panel three can’t save this from snoresville.

For Better Or For Worse, 7/30/08

After the trivet incident, I’m hesitant to admit when I have to look up a word in the dictionary, but: mucilage? Really? Maybe the reason Lynn Johnston is retiring is because there will soon literally be no words left in the English language to pun upon.

“An adhesive solution” is no doubt the meaning intended here, but the dictionary built in to my computer has as the word’s first definition “a viscous secretion or bodily fluid,” so this actually may not be a pun at all. “What you’re feeling? That’s mucilage! Please, change me! My own daughter refused and said I was ‘gross!'”

Beetle Bailey, 7/30/08

Like the fact that he could see right up your skirt in panel two, for instance.

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Mary Worth, 7/28/08

While Mary and Toby are nattering on about the Great Charterstone Love Story as if this endless plotline is going to continue, I feel quite confident that panel two is introducing us to the character that will be at the center of the next story arc: the waiter’s package. Seriously, the dude clearly is dressing left and I don’t think there are very many comics characters I can say that with such certainty about. Dramatic economy would imply that anything that’s received that much artistic attention is destined for prominence in future installments.

I really wish we had been privy to the morning scene at the Camerons, as I’m sure Ian said something devastatingly cruel about Toby’s purple linked-heart sleeveless t-shirt. It’s really sad when you have to turn to lunch with Mary Worth for an emotional pick-me-up.

Slylock Fox, 7/28/08

It’s nice to see another representative of the ne’er-do-well Rat clan (I’m assuming that Rodney is some form of kin — probably simultaneously nephew and second cousin — to Reeky) causing trouble down at the local second-tier department store and sporting a fine mullet to boot. Still, the rest of the Rats are going to be less than impressed when they find out that his criminal scheme’s ultimate aim is to purloin some gloves. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you too good pick up the garbage strewn around your trailer with your bare hands? Well la-di-da, your majesty!”

Apartment 3-G, 7/28/08

At last, we find out why South Dakota is so damn exciting — Lu Ann’s parents are there! This is exciting not only for Lu Ann but for us seekers of A3G drama, since we’ve been assured by cousin Ruby that Lu Ann’s parents are strangely distant towards their artist daughter. This is understandable, what with her being Lu Ann and all. I’m kind of embarrassed just reading about her every day.

For Better Or For Worse, 7/28/08

“Yes, it certainly would have been awkward telling you about all this while Iris was here, what with her not being invited to the wedding and all.”

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For Better Or For Worse, 7/11/08

You know what it’s been way, way too long since we last did? A little bit of What They Say And What They Mean!

Apartment 3-G, 7/11/08

Jack may sound concerned about the possibility that riff-raff might be pillaging the Mills Gallery, but his facial expression in panel three conveys to me a certain growing sadistic glee. I predict that a certain trio of crackheads are about to be on the receiving end of a savage and righteous keying. Perhaps Jack’s inner vigilante has been frustrated for years by modern New York’s low crime rates, or, more likely, he may realize that an act of shocking violence is the quickest way into Margo’s affections.

Mark Trail, 7/11/08

One look at that second panel will show you why Kelly Welly is considered the sex symbol in this strip. Oh yeah, baby, roll that right eye a little further towards the side of your head while staring straight ahead with the left. Mmm-hmm, that’s the stuff.

Pearls Before Swine, 7/11/08

Oh, Mr. Pastis, I ignored you when you taunted Lynn Johnston. I ignored you when you tried to kill Jeffy. But Masky McDeath? Oh, well played, sir.

Gil Thorp, 7/11/08

More proof that illegal immigrants do the sort of dirty cleanup work that Americans won’t! Steve Rosen probably refused to drive in the winning run unless he got dental insurance and overtime pay. You wouldn’t have gotten that kind of lip from Elmer.

Ziggy, 7/11/08

Ha ha, Ziggy’s killed his only friend with off-brand dog food!