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Funky Winkerbean, 5/7/11

You know, despite all the jokes I make about it, I’ve always assumed that the ghost of dead Lisa who lovingly watches Les and Cayla do it was, you know, a metaphor for Les’s inability to let go of the memory of his wife and commit whole-heartedly to his new relationship. But today’s strip reveals that spectral Lisa is all too real, and, moreover, that her glowing blue form is visible reflected in Les’s eyes while Cayla and he have sex. The fact that this didn’t result in her running screaming into the night, but instead just caused her to become even more grimly determined to screw the ghost away, pretty much means that she and Les deserve each other, forever.

Barney Google and Snuff Smith, 5/7/11

A lot of luddites will try to tell you that simple country folk have more meaningful interpersonal interactions because they don’t spend all day uploading adorable cat photos and emo song lyrics to their Tumblrs or whatever. But if today’s Snuffy Smith is correct, what they do instead is taunt each other by nailing signs to trees, which fails to impress me.

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Spider-Man, 5/5/11

I was about to give this dreary Spider-Man vampire plot credit for its first genuine bit of horror, as Martine and Morbius’s eyes are suddenly and without explanation transformed into awful, toothy mouths, but then I realized that their pupils have just turned into bats — very, very crudely drawn bats — and it’s supposed to be, like, symbolic or whatever.

Apartment 3-G, 5/5/11

Ha, and now that Trey’s softened up the old man, Margo comes in to apply some brutality. “I hope the money’s coming from Herriman and Fowler! Just make that check out to ‘Trey and Margo’s sex vacation fund,’ or my associate here will be forced to do terrible, terrible things to you, and not the fun kind.”

Funky Winkerbean, 5/5/11

Have you been thinking, “Damn it, I wish Les would stop toying with these two women who for unexplainable reasons are attracted to him and just pick one to share his lovemaking stylings with”? Well, I’ll bet you’re sorry now.

Mark Trail, 5/5/11

As Mark squirmed into his cocoon, he thought of the many long-haired and bearded men whom he had defeated via fisticuffs over the years. But little did he know that he would soon be facing his greatest nemesis ever: Jesus Christ.

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Ziggy, 4/30/11

This Ziggy really just raises a lot more questions than it answers. What is the nature of this “phony,” exactly? Is it a mere stuffed horse, which stands there unmoving, thus providing a singularly unimpressive “ride,” even at the very low proposed price? Or is that a horse costume, with someone inside of it? Either way, is there some significance to the long, lush lashes on the phony’s eyes, which is generally cartoon shorthand for “sexy lady”? And what are we to make of the smiling, guileless expression on face of the phony’s handler? The level of unseemly horror lurking just below the surface of this Ziggy panel is really off the charts.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/30/11

Funky Winkerbean similarly seems to promise some hidden payoff that doesn’t quite come into focus. Are we meant to contrast the present day, when technology is a deadly serious part of even the smallest business’s operations, with the gentler decades past, when nefarious computers were restricted only to video gaming? Or maybe there isn’t any point here at all. Maybe Montoni just got tired of talking to Funky about this computer business, went downstairs, and blew off some steam by playing video games, wiling away the hours before his inevitable tragic death.

Dennis the Menace, 4/30/11

Chicks dig it when a dude just insouciantly chugs down a frosty drink and then stone cold throws the glass on the floor, because he just doesn’t give a shit. Mrs. Wilson knows the score!