Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 3/27/07

Man, just when I thought Funky Winkerbean couldn’t dip any further into emotional turmoil and human anguish, I think we’re about to see Coach Dude Whose Name I Forget ask his childhood bullying victim to inseminate his wife. Which will be more awesome, this or the FBOFW teen sex storyline? Only queasy, uncomfortable time will tell!

Mark Trail, 3/27/07

As a long-time fan of Mark Trail, I totally accept things like giant talking skunks without a bit of hesitation. But I’m having trouble with the giant talking rug in the third panel here. Which appears to be on the wall for some reason. Or is it perched on Mark’s shoulder? Or are Mark and Cherry actually standing on the wall, their bodies held parallel to the ground by some strange force, like Lionel Richie in the damn “Dancing on the Ceiling” video? Is that what’s going on here?

Post Content

The Lockhorns, 3/22/07

I know this isn’t really going out on a limb, since everyone in the Lockhorns (except for the statuesque blondes that Leroy is always drunkenly flirting with at parties) is pretty much the same person except for the clothes and hair, but: doesn’t Loretta’s mother look exactly like Leroy, except with, um, different clothes and hair? For some reason, their resemblance is especially creepy to me because her hair looks exactly like the wig that Norman wears when he turns into Mother in Psycho. So, even though it’s unlikely, what with their both being in the panel here and all, I’d like to believe that Leroy becomes “Mother-in-Law” when his internalized mental anguish forces him to kill. This feature would be better if there were more stabbings, is what I’m trying to get at.

Apartment 3-G, 3/22/07

The thing is, I’m not sure what Margo would find “sweet” — when a man kills for her? — but I’m willing to bet it isn’t the kind of mopey, passive-aggressive poor-me game that Gary is playing here. I guess she might think it’s “sweet” in the sense of “isn’t that sweet, my dopey roommate has attracted someone who’s an even bigger loser than she is.”

Funky Winkerbean, 3/22/07

GOD DAMN IT, FUNKY WINKERBEAN, WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE DAMN CANCER WITH YOU? CANCER CANCER CANCER! THERE ARE OTHER KILLER DISEASES, YOU KNOW! WHY CAN’T IT BE AIDS? OR EBOLA? GIVE IT A REST WITH THE DAMN CANCER ALREADY? CHRIST!

Judge Parker, 3/22/07

Wow, so this is what it eventually comes to for humanities Ph.D. students? And I thought my occasional stints as a temp doing filing or reception work were beneath my dignity. Looks like I got out of grad school just in time!

Post Content

Pluggers, 3/6/07

So I’ve been staring at this Pluggers for a while, trying to figure out how this little bathroom still life, in keeping with the mission statement for this feature, “celebrates” the plugger lifestyle. Here are the possibilities I’ve come up with:

• Pluggers
  • won’t put their toilet paper rolls on the little tube thingy because
    • they’re lazy.
    • simple gadgets like this are the devil’s work.
  • can’t put their toilet paper rolls on the little tube thingy because
    • it’s broken, but they’re too thrifty to spend money frivolously and buy a new one.
    • they’re ignorant and can’t figure it how to do it.
    • they’re freakish, unnatural human-animal hybrids, and their thick, nondextrous fingers prevent them from doing so.
• Pluggers may defecate in enormous quantity without warning at any given moment, and thus multiple rolls of toilet paper must be kept constantly at the ready.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 3/6/07

You know, if my surgeon were named “Dr. Allthumbs,” I might appreciate it if he brought in some specialists to assist.

I’m kind of weirded out by the layout of this hospital room; it looks like the fellow on the right, recovering from brain surgery, has turned his bed 90 degrees so as to improve his view of the flop-sweating. He needs the entertainment, as it seems his only reading material as an airline safety information card.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/6/07

NO, DAMMIT! IN ORDER TO CONVINCE US THAT A JOKE IS CUTE, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY MAKE A CUTE JOKE! YOU CAN’T JUST HAVE THE CHARACTER THAT DIDN’T DELIVER THE JOKE SAY “CUTE”!

DAMMIT!