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The Phantom, 2/23/20

In the Sunday Phantom storyline, our hero is taking his daughter on a trip down memory lane (if you’re a Phantom or Phantom-adjacent, a “trip down memory lane” is your dad reading from a musty old journal while you sit in a creepy cave full of tombs) to teach her about her heroic Phantom ancestors. Did you know the 13th Phantom helped defeat Napoleon? This might seem a little far afield from the Phantom’s remit to fight against piracy, but surely by aiding the British and their Empire this hero helped defend his African home … wait, what’s that you say? Well, hmm, maybe he would’ve been smarter to let the French win, and … huh, that wouldn’t have helped either? Well gosh, our hero certainly was in a pickle, wasn’t he. Might as well stick it to Napoleon, I guess!

Funky Winkerbean, 2/23/20

I’ve always found the title Mozart In The Jungle to be so goofy that I’ve worked hard to learn as little as possible about the show, just because I want to savor that name out of context. But now? Now that I’ve seen Holly suggest it as tonight’s viewing, as she flashes bedroom eyes at Funky? Now it’s forever tainted to me. I still don’t want to learn anything about the show, but mainly because I fear it will cause me to have reason to think back upon today’s Funky Winkerbean, which can only depress me.

Beetle Bailey, 2/23/20

Beetle will only be satisfied by the eternal darkness … of the grave.

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Mary Worth, 2/22/20

Ha ha, yes! This is definitely how humans consume and enjoy media! They show each other trailers for parody movies that definitely exist but that they don’t identify by actual title by holding their phones in portrait mode a full foot away from each other! Then they declare their eagerness to pay to see these media products in a theater environment! This movie can’t miss with today’s tech-savvy young people!

Family Circus, 2/22/20

PJ is right to be afraid: this is an absolutely terrifying moment, when the Keane Kids begin to realize that their entire universe is a constructed reality, that they are nothing more than fictional characters created for the passing amusement of beings they couldn’t possibly comprehend on another plane of existence. Today we can see that, as they grapple with this realization, they’ve reached the “bargaining” phase, desperately — and naively — hoping that if they really do live in a comics dimension, it might at least be one of the cool ones.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/22/20

Have you ever yearned for a comic strip that consisted entirely of an unpleasant person muttering impenetrable comics collector jargon to himself? Well, today’s Funky Winkerbean is for you, my friend.

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/9/20

I have barely been able work up the energy to try to follow the emotional contours of this week’s Funky Winkerbean, which involve this rich art patron lady teasing the various artists over at Atomic Comix with the prospect of a windfall payday for their mediocre drawings, but … are Darrin and Jessica in financial trouble? Like, are they so hard up for cash that Darrin needs to desperately draw through lunch so that this patroness can ensure that they aren’t turned out of their home by the bank? Because I’ve given it some thought and that’s the sort of Funkyverse misery I’d enjoy reading about, actually.

Daddy Daze, 2/9/20

I’m slowly coming to understand the world of Daddy Daze. For instance, it’s totally unsurprising to see the Daddy Daze baby crawling around on the floor and just eating garbage that’s been lying there for who knows how long. That absolutely tracks. The question I have is: does the Daddy Daze daddy’s house have any furniture in it? Like, at all?