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Well, no doubt like many of you, I got swept up in holiday madness last week, and am still playing catch-up in the non-gorging-on-turkey aspects of my life. What with the two Thanksgiving dinners, the Christmas gift exchange with the cousins, the rousing chorus of folk songs from the labor movement, the avant-garde play performed by elementary school children, and the specter of 24 straight hours of uncontrollable vomiting hanging over it all (what, your week wasn’t like that?) I haven’t had time to read the comics so you don’t have to. In both the spirit of the holiday and a desperate attempt to play catch-up, I offer you a week’s worth of comics and corresponding sentence-long things that I’m thankful for.

B.C., 11/23/04

I’m thankful that B.C., having already pissed off both Muslims and Jews, is now going after the Irish, ensuring its departure from the comics pages any day now.

Dilbert, 11/24/04

I’m thankful that public discourse has coarsened to the extent that the phrase “cow’s butt” can now be printed in the comics pages, because I think cow butts are funny.

Beetle Bailey, 11/25/04

I’m thankful that Beetle Bailey has discovered postmodernism, at long last.

Mary Worth, 11/26/04

I’m thankful for Boston, because they rock, man.

Family Circus, 11/27/04

I’m thankful that at least one member of this family is beginning to question the oppressive patriarchal suburban hell in which she lives.

Doodles by Mac and Sack, 11/28/04

I’m thankful that Mac and/or Sack were polite enough to add “please” to their request that I add horns and a bell to the grazing bovine in the bottom middle panel, though I admit that I could have done without the freakish hula-hooping cow above it.

Kudzu, 11/29/04

I’m thankful to Bill O’Reilly, who’s provided days and days of jokes to desperate comic strips everywhere.

B.C., 11/30/04

And now the handicapped. Yep, any day now…

Oh yeah, and one last thing I’m thankful for is this Jonathan Franzen essay about Peanuts from the New Yorker. It’s, like, good and stuff.

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Doodles by Mac & Sack, 11/21/04

“This is my pal, his name is Doug — he always greets you by slowly tightening his coils around your rib cage until you suffocate, then unhinging his jaw so he can swallow you whole!”

I mean, really, look at the expression on Doug’s face. There’s been no attempt to hide the obvious fact that he’s thinking about having about some tasty koala for dinner.

Meanwhile, I note that there are three features at the bottom of this page — “Doodle Zoo”, “Draw!!”, and “Riddles!!!” — and that “Doodle Zoo” itself actually contains a riddle. I feel a little cheated by that.

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Uncle Art’s Funland, 9/5/04

One of my favorite words in the English language is “avuncular.” It literally means “in the manner of an uncle,” which, since a substantial majority of males in this world are uncles, can denote just about anything. Usually, an avuncular person is like one of your fun uncles: pleasant, funny, maybe a little bit corny, but generally indulgent.

But some uncles, especially those who don’t have kids of their own, don’t really know what to do with children, and often come up with misguided ideas of what fun is for their nephews and neices. That, I’m afraid, is the kind of uncle that Uncle Art is. The “Riddles ‘n Giggles” are mostly execizes in cruelty, and the “Memory Game” is a collection of random, unrelated objects that Uncle Art presumably likes to draw. The contest, in the lower middle panel, is the final insult, though. As if the solution weren’t obvious enough, the feature’s tuxedo-clad mascot is holding the writing implement in question mere inches from the jumbled letters. Hey kids! The answer is “pencil!” Now let’s hope that the flood of correct answers in to Uncle Art’s Funland teaches him to make things harder next time.

Actually, I just noticed that the small print indicates that responses to this six-letter word jumble are judged on originality before accuracy! So maybe there’s more to this than meets the eye. Is Pilnec the brand name of a perscription medication they’re giving to kids with ADD these days?

As a final note, I’m wondering now if that dapper gentleman in the contest panel is supposed to be Uncle Art himeslf. Does he really work on this strip wearing a top hat and tails? God, I hope so.