Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/5/22

Say, were you feeling a little on edge rolling into our four-day week? Need your nerves soothed? Well, remember how beloved (?) ancillary Rex Morgan character Andrzej was about to die of a heart attack? Turns out he just had heartburn. False alarm! Ha ha! But it’s a false alarm that Rex can definitely still bill Medicare for, so all’s well that ends well.

Gil Thorp, 7/5/22

A fun aspect of the baseball season Gil Thorp plot is it’s been all about comically blind Gregg Hamm and his media circus and we only hear in passing about how the other pitchers on the team are also doing great. Gregg (and these other, less interesting pitchers) got the team into the playdowns this year but, just in case that’s too much excitement for you: Gregg blew it and they lost in the first round. Whew! One less thing to worry about there!

Gasoline Alley, 7/5/22

I know I’m going against theme here but it may excite you to learn that some characters in Gasoline Alley are going to have some post-fireworks sex tonight. One of them is named “Boog.” Does that excite you? Or disgust you? Is disgust a kind of negative excitement? Much to think about.

Dennis the Menace, 7/5/22

Damn, Dennis, one minute you’re humiliating your dad in front of tough guys by pointing out he’s insufficiently masculine, and the next you’re humiliating him while he’s trying to fit into a masculine milieu by pointing out traditional masculinity’s violent, toxic underpinnings. It’s almost like you don’t care one way another about society’s construction of gender roles and are willing to say whatever will most efficiently ruin your father’s attempts to make friends, which is truly the most nihilistically menacing move of all.

Mary Worth, 7/5/22

Wait, would Jess “like to see more” of Jared as a romantic interest … or as a medical caregiver? Wait, it’s both, you say? That seems extremely healthy all around. Please proceed!

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 7/1/22

I guess we’re finally finding out why Gregg’s dad was so keen to hide his literary crimes: not because he feared the wrath and contempt of normies, who as Gil noted definitely do not care, but because he knew eventually his family’s fleeting fame would attract the attention of his erstwhile compatriots in the literary fraternity, who would deal with him in the way of their tribe, which is to say live, on-camera evisceration. “Do what you have to do!” he snarls. “I swore an oath, and the soil has hungered for my blood long enough!”

Blondie, 7/1/22

Man, this guys looks exactly like a dude that a legacy comic artist in 2004 would have had working behind the counter at their thinly veiled Best Buy analogue. You know, like a nerd, but the aggressive, vaguely cool kind. It’s real sad that retail trends have shifted and he’s been forced to find work at the novelty mug store, but he seems to have a good attitude about it.

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 6/27/22

It’s that time of year again: the time when the baseball season plot keeps rolling ahead in Gil Thorp and you look at the calendar and think “Uh, hey, isn’t school over for the year … pretty much everywhere in the country? Shouldn’t some of these kids have graduated by now?” Instead, we have at least a week left until we get the possibility of a wacky summer storyline, and I guess we need that week to get Marty Moon involved in this somehow. He’s been MIA for months, but now that a questionable Coach Thorp coaching decision has resulted in a media circus (read: one guy with a camera), Marty’s hoping to cash in on that (read: he’s hoping whoever’s filming this will record some b-roll of him doing play-by-play inside his wooden crate that he can use on the page for the GoFundMe campaign he’s launching to buy a bigger crate).

Slylock Fox, 6/27/22

The old Hayes Code had strict rules about depicting criminals as enjoying the fruits of their ill deeds, and today’s Slylock Fox really shows why. Look at Shady Shrew! Who wouldn’t want to live this lifestyle: just chilling out, cooling off your feet in a swift-moving river that appears to be not terribly polluted despite being only a few feet from a major thoroughfare, enjoying a book, an ice-cold soda pop, and a couple of (ALLEGEDLY) stolen chocolate bars. This is what being “shady” gets you, and yet being an upstanding citizen and grocery clerk just results in you being stone cold furious all day. I know which option I’d pick!