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Dick Tracy, 6/20/18

Oh, right, so it turns out Sawtooth wasn’t at Rocky Horror for fun, but for work, his work being to bite Ygor Glitch to death, in a room that isn’t exactly brightly lit but is very crowded and probably if some dude had his throat suddenly torn open by some other dude’s metal teeth … I dunno, people would notice? Exactly how orgiastic and crazed does the Dick Tracy creative team think Rocky Horror showings are, anyway? Having been to one, I feel confident in saying that a particularly gruesome murder would draw some attention. What does ring true is that the Rocky Horror kids would snidely refer to Dick by the actually funny name of the in-universe comic strip about him, which was a thing that I had forgotten was a thing but is honestly great.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/20/18

Look, Hagar, I get that, after a hundred savage raids in your life, you’re bored with just stabbing people to death. But how many people have you managed to kill or paralyze by hurling them from the top of their own castles, while Eddie and the rest of your men go at it with their swords? Is this really the most efficient way to go about this?

Pluggers, 6/20/18

I’m pretty sure the plugger cat-man doesn’t have a wife? That may be why he looks so startled here. He’s never heard any of this before!

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Blondie, 5/26/18

There’s really no circumstance under which this joke would’ve “worked,” but it would’ve not worked less if Dagwood had been wearing something vaguely cool or even interesting. Still, as a not-particularly-hip incipient old person myself, only the extreme out-of-touchness oozing from every pixel of this image prevented me from briefly wondering if wearing polo shirt tucked into black slacks had, against all odds, suddenly become fashionable.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/26/18

It’s kind of interesting that Hagar’s reputation as an illiterate precedes him, and not, say, his reputation as a wanton, destructive plunderer.

Beetle Bailey, 5/26/18

We interrupt our usual military antics for this nightmare vision of the human race as nothing more than a buffet of flesh and blood to be devoured by eager, ravenous parasites!

Pluggers, 5/26/18

If I’m interpreting this correctly, these plugger dudes are definitely going to have no-strings-attached sex on that filthy, filthy couch.

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Hagar the Horrible, 5/4/18

I really have to question Hagar’s theatrical eye-roll in the final panel here. Lucky Eddie is often depicted in this strip as too soft to be a Viking warrior, but today, in failing to grasp a metaphor, he seems to understand a deeper truth: the places where we are most needy and open to love are also the spots where we’re the most vulnerable. He also knows that the heart and lungs are protected by the ribcage and sternum, but the belly is exposed to attack. Look for the trail of agonized gut-shot foot soldiers writing in agony as Hagar’s band makes its way inland looking for monasteries to plunder!

Gil Thorp, 5/4/18

Ahhh, the Milford Trumpet, the school newspaper you might remember from Gil Thorp plotlines like the one where a reporter suppressed the information that one of his athlete pals had a dangerous heart condition, and also the one where it seemed like an athlete had beat up his girlfriend but then it turned out he hadn’t, and then probably some others that I can’t remember at the moment. Anyhoo, it seems that the Trumpet staff assumes that, like me, most of the student body at Milford has forgotten that Barry Bader still goes there, so they’re commissioning a hard-hitting investigative piece: “Barry Bader: Does He Still Go Here, And Is He Still An Asshole?”

Mary Worth, 5/4/18

I think we can be … reasonably sure Wilbur hasn’t hurled himself off a cliff in a paroxysm of drunken despair, right? Right? Surely Mary would look just as overwhelmed as she does in panel two upon discovering, say, Wilbur loudly singing country music tunes into a grassy puddle of his own sick. PLEASE DO NOT KILL WILBUR, MARY WORTH CREATIVE TEAM, I ENJOY HIS SUFFERING TOO MUCH