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Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/13/23

The real victim of this whole big late-plot Mirakle Method plagiarism reveal will not be Rene, who will manage to weasel out of serious consequences via some method that is as unlikely as it is uninteresting, but rather Mud, who feels that the Mirakle Method has genuinely helped him become a better person and is barely hanging on by a thread as it becomes increasingly clear that Buzzy and Rene are in full grift mode. I predict he’ll either relapse and engage in a run of antisocial behavior that will make pretending to shit himself onstage look Nobel Peace Prize-worthy, or he’ll transfer his fanatical and violent allegiance to an extremely puzzled Mr. Ollman, who’ll have to try to remember if any of his enemies are still alive

Hagar the Horrible, 12/13/23

Sure, Hagar the Horrible makes the late Carolingian period seem fun, what with all the violence, but have you considered the drawbacks, like the lack of robust financial institutions?

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Gil Thorp, 11/21/23

Hey, remember earlier this year, when Gil Thorp did a ripped from the headlines story about about a player who got terribly hurt during a game, only unlike the headlines, where professional athletes refused to return to play, the high school students were forced to forced to finish the game while their friend might’ve been dying? Well, looks like it’s happening again, and this time the injured student is Coach Luke’s son, still playing for Valley Tech even after his dad had to take a job working for his hated rival Gil Thorp. Why do these gruesome injuries keep happening to Valley Conference players? Probably for the same reason that the games continue after the kids are medivac’d off the field: because none of the adults involved care whether the student-athletes live or die.

Mary Worth, 11/21/23

“Did you know that this huge, beefy hunk is also a man-whore, who has impregnated at least one woman, via sex? Do with that information what you will, though if what you’re going to do with it is masturbation or dissociative fantasies during your thrice annual marital encounter with Ian, please feel free not to tell me.”

Beetle Bailey, 11/21/23

I know Beetle is using “neat” in the first panel to mean “tidy” but it’s hard for me to not read it as just “good” in general. He likes beds! He spends a lot of time in them, and has come to appreciate the ones that are especially interesting or high-quality.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/21/23

Hagar and his warriors have all suffered battle wounds during their latest raid, and their loved ones are waiting for them as they return to Norway, doing their best to nurse them back to health. That’s not a joke or anything, just a thing that’s happening in this comic strip!

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Six Chix, 11/7/23

I guess the joke here is that these are actual aliens? And this dude has mistaken them for people in costumes? Feel like we’re not getting enough background to be sure, to be honest. Anyway, not that I’d wish getting a beer can chucked at you on anyone, but frankly if you’re an alien creature wandering around a human city, you may be getting off easy with a beer can chucking. You ever see E.T. or The Day The Earth Stood Still? It could be worse!

Beetle Bailey, 11/7/23

Otto, you’re a … dog? What do you think Beetle is trying to distract you from? You don’t have a job! You’re a dog! Dogs don’t have jobs!

Hagar the Horrible, 11/7/23

Hagar and Helga sadly thought these innovators had invented swinging, when in fact they’ve just invented hotels.