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Archive: Hagar the Horrible

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Just shovel the poop overboard, man. Problem solved

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Judge Parker, 6/15/23

Sorry you’re a coward, Sophie, but I actually would’ve liked to have seen the process by which Abbey decided to “get back out there” on the dating scene, and am definitely curious about which apps she used, considering that she’s the richest person in town and just had a very public failed campaign for mayor driven by revenge for having been falsely accused of burning down her own B&B. Was she on Raya, the dating app exclusively for celebs, rich people, and the celeb/rich people adjacent? Does Raya do local matches, or was she just getting a bunch of silver-haired finance guys in NYC or London? Did the pic where she “felt cute” look like this surreal nightmare?

The Lockhorns, 6/15/23

This joke is enh but I am very charmed by the way the bartender is smiling at that bottle in the background. “Oh, brown liquor,” he’s thinking to himself, “you and I have brought happiness to so many people! We’re a great team!”

Hagar the Horrible, 6/15/23

Wow, I’ve spent so much time on this blog trying to figure out where exactly in the late Carolingian era Hagar the Horrible takes place, only to learn today that Hagar’s civilization is actually part of the pre-Deluge world as described in the Book of Genesis! Definitely this is a society that is corrupt before God and filled with violence, so this adds up.

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Varying types of Dennis-free menacing

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Hagar the Horrible, 6/13/23

Look, it’s fun when I do jokes about how Hagar the Horrible, as a Viking warrior chieftain, would realistically be responsible for an endless list of violent horrors perpetrated as he and his band pillage their way across the North Atlantic. But when the strip itself explicitly does a joke that makes it clear that Hagar’s own clothes are canonically drenched in the blood of the Anglo-Saxon soldiers, villagers, and monks who stood in the way of his rapacious greed, I have to say I find it a little off-putting.

Dennis the Menace, 6/13/23

OK, today’s Dennis the Menace gets ten points for acknowledging that even someone of Mr. Wilson’s advanced age is fairly likely to have been using computers for decades now. However, I must subtract several thousand points for the ongoing attempt to turn Dennis the Menace into Mr. Wilson’s Technological Gripes, which, no matter how ambivalent my opinion about Dennis and his menacing quality might be, I feel honor-bound to resist at all costs.

Dustin, 6/13/23

Do you think that the members of Dustin’s family are emotionally stunted nightmare people because they never receive any affection from one another? Or do they all (correctly) perceive each other as unlovable, emotionally stunted nightmare people and that’s why they never express any affection? Discuss.

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Sort of sexual Saturday

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Shoe, 5/13/23

We talk a lot on here about the Shoe goggle eyes of horror, with the horror in question being experienced by the Shoe character and the goggle eyes being an indication of said emotion. Today, however, the Perfesser is flashing his dates some bedroom eyes of horror, with the horror being experienced by me as I am suddenly confronted with the thought of him as a sexual being.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/13/23

Hagar, I’m not sure what you expected here! You know Lucky Eddie is a stone-cold fish-fucking freak, and I sincerely hope whatever he whispered to you has blown your square little mind.

Pluggers, 5/13/23

Pluggers rightfully live their lives in fearful anticipation of the day God will finally strike them down, as nightmarish man-animal abominations against His law.