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Slylock Fox, 10/7/13

Oh, man, this is just another example of the shameful criminality within the Rat family, in which even their charming mating rituals are indelibly tied up with theft. It’s too depressing to think about, so let’s all just enjoy Max Mouse on his skateboard, shall we? Wheee! That sure is a radical and extreme way to get to a crime scene, Max!

Apartment 3-G, 10/7/13

This strip made me laugh longer and harder than anything that appeared in the comics all last week. Tommie, one of the ostensible main characters in this strip, hasn’t appeared since May, but don’t worry, she called in a couple weeks ago to let us know that she’s OK, it’s just that nobody told us because Tommie is mind-numbingly dull. Also, don’t forget that Tommie is taking her exotic, exciting, and now-extended Italian vacation with her mom, which, much love to my mom and all other moms out there, but it’s kind of par for the Tommie course, you know? Or maybe I’m being too judgmental. Maybe Tommie and her mom have found hot matching age-appropriate (or even age-inappropriate) Italian men to seduce and have extended their stay so that they can better enjoy their cross-generational Italian sex idyll. (Just kidding, that would never happen, because Tommie is the boringest person alive.)

Heathcliff, 10/7/13

“He also refuses to use the flush toilet, despite the fact that he’s obviously fully capable of doing so. I guess he really wants us to keep having to deal with disposing of his poop, because, as noted, Heathcliff is kind of an asshole.”

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Heathcliff, 10/3/13

Of the 24 blackbirds that had been captured, stunned, and laid atop a disc of pizza dough just before it was shoved into an unbearable hot oven, 23 somehow survived the hellish inferno and emerged with enough strength to fly off when Heathcliff opened the box. They were horribly burned and forever traumatized, to be sure, but at least they had avoided the grisly fate awaiting blackbird number 24. Perhaps it had mercifully succumbed during the baking process; but perhaps it was still conscious, covered in cheese and sauce, too weak to move, but still terribly aware of Heathcliff looking down at it, not even with hunger, just with cool, heavy-lidded detachment. He would be eating that last blackbird, oh yes. In his own time. In his own time.

Spider-Man, 10/3/13

You can’t even imagine how happy I am to see Spider-Man smugly announce he’s going to use one of his bona fide superpowers, and then fail really ostentatiously, while producing a hilarious “NHHHNN” noise. It’s like they wrote this strip just for me! “I loosened it for you” is what you say as a joke when you try and fail to open a pickle jar and then someone else opens it easily, by the way. Anyway, I hope that our poor sad-eyed webbed-up guard was able to derive at least a little bit of satisfaction from this whole scene.

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Mark Trail, 10/1/13

Happy U.S. government shutdown day, everybody! In keeping with his tendency to say vaguely nice things to everybody and let his underlings take all the controversial stands, Senator Mason has decided that Washington, D.C., is an extremely unpleasant place right now and that he’d much rather head off on a little vacation. As a federal employee, Dusty Rhodes is now officially furloughed, but that’s OK; instead of being forced to tell the senator about all the stuff he’s not supposed to do on federal land, he can join Mark and the gang in shooting as many animals as they want, digging for oil at random, and burning down huge swaths of forest, for kicks. Who’s gonna stop them? The government? Hahahaha!

Heathcliff, 10/1/13

I don’t want to alarm you but it appears that the Garbage Ape has started to attract notice even beyond the readership of this blog. I’m all for Heathcliff’s brand of off-putting surrealism finding a wider audience, but I think creating a Robin to the Garbage Ape’s Batman in an attempt to cash in on the character’s growing renown is too precious by half.

Momma, 10/1/13

You can tell I’ve been reading Momma for far too long because what mainly irritated me about today’s strip on first read was the weird, awkward way Francis just looks at Momma in silence for two panels and not, say, the unspeakable Oedipal horror.