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Curtis, 5/16/19

Thanks to the operation of comic book time, as the years go by I relate more and more to Greg Wilkins as a peer, and for people Greg and my age, “the turn of the century” will always mean the late 1800s or early 1900s. But guess what! Curtis, who’s in his middle school years, was, as of today, born sometime in the later part of the first decade of the 21st century, so for him “the turn of the century” probably means, like, the 1990s. And he’s still not interested in it! Because it was before he was born, and is dead history to him! There are millions of real kids out there with this wholly normal attitude, just in case you personally wanted to dwell on that and feel the icy cold of death settling in your bones.

Gasoline Alley, 5/16/19

But if you want to feel young, on the other hand, just check in with Gasoline Alley, which isn’t afraid to repeatedly interject 1950s character actor Frank Nelson into its trademark “the characters tell jokes that are incomprehensible both to the audience and to the other characters” antics.

Hi and Lois, 5/16/19

Oh snap

Motherfuckin ouch for moths

Moths are cancelled, everybody

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Judger Parker, 5/4/19

I’m trying to remember exactly to what degree Sam and/or Abbey’s fingerprints would be on any aspect of the Great Norton Caper (in which, just to remind you, Judge Parker Emeritus helped April’s dad fake his death) that’s about to be revealed in a tell-all book, and honestly? I’m not sure that there are any! Which is great — for Sam. He can just quietly hang up the phone and then go back to planning how to charge the rubes $250 a night on AirBnB to stay in Marie’s old servant’s hovel ($175 if they just want to sleep in the horse barn), and start practicing saying “Judge Parker? Judge Parker? Doesn’t ring a bell.”

Mark Trail, 5/4/19

God bless Mark Trail for dedicating an entire day’s strip for establishing how theatrically sleepy all its characters are! The only one missing is JJ. I certainly hope come Monday he gets a whole strip to himself to stretch ostentatiously.

Gil Thorp, 5/4/19

Not gonna lie, folks: I personally relate to few people in the comics more than the guy in panel one, who tried to come up with something complimentary to say to a pretty, popular girl on the softball team and ended up blurting out “Way to … mash … the ball” as he awkwardly high-fives her in the hallway. He’s gonna be thinking about that for years to come.

Hi and Lois, 5/4/19

Hi, she’s … she’s right there, man

I’m pretty sure she can hear you

Not cool

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/24/19

Hey, occasional Rex Morgan readers! Remember Edward, the cruel bully who pulled an “Emperor’s New Clothes” on Sarah’s art, but then Sarah raised up a rebellion against him, and then later Sarah got amnesia and then Edward became nice and protected Sarah, after she had to go to a public school? Well, I guess we’re back to another story about how bullying is bad, and also how the only thing that can stop a bad bully is a good bully, a good, huge bully who can just beat the ever-loving crap out of the bad bully, for justice.

Hi and Lois, 4/24/19

Gotta love how depressed Hi looks in this strip! At first you might think that it’s because Trixie doesn’t appreciate all the hard work he’s done to clean the windows and just foolishly attributes the stronger light coming into the house to “sun vitamins.” But of course, in-universe, the other Flagstons can’t “hear” or otherwise perceive the dialogue in Trixie’s thought balloons, because otherwise they’d know that they have a baby capable of fully adult cognition and they’d probably be much more freaked out. No, Hi is just depressed because chores suck and he doesn’t want to do them.