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Hi and Lois, 11/8/17

One of the true underrated tormented souls in the comics is Trixie, who has a fully adult mind but has been trapped for more than half a century in an infant’s body, unable even to vocalize her thoughts and communicate with others. So it shouldn’t be surprising that she’s had decades to contemplate the nature of her tiny, awful flesh-prison and go down some very dark paths. What if a person had two mouths? What if they had no mouths? What if mouths weren’t a right, but a privilege granted based on good behavior? We would recognize the vile as they walked the earth with a smooth, unbroken face, and the virtuous for their multiplicity of mouths, all yawning and babbling independently of one another.

Mark Trail, 11/8/17

Hey, kids, were you looking forward to Sideburns Sherriff pumping hot lead into the bald bank robber? Well, too bad, his precious gun glitched! I guess this shows the benefits of using normal, modern firearms of the sort typically issued to law enforcement officers rather than theatrically old-timey rifles. Anyhoo, Pilot Ponytail is now parachuting conveniently into position behind the sheriff, so it looks like evil’s about to triumph.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/8/17

Say what you will about Marvin’s solid decade-plus of doing almost nothing but jokes about peeing and pooing, but I’m pretty sure that strip’s never actually depicted a turd before. Congrats (?) to Mother Goose and Grimm for being the innovator!

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Spider-Man, 10/26/17

Aww, isn’t that poignant — Spider-Man wishes he could use his superpowers to win battles against not just mutants and space aliens and mad scientists, but against sadness. If it makes you feel any better, Spidey, most of us don’t actually call you a super-hero.

Hi and Lois, 10/26/17

Ditto often strikes me as the happiest member of the Flagston clan, and today’s strip offers great insight into his secret: he keeps his expectations extremely low.

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Mark Trail, 10/24/17

Hey, remember this guy? The guy from the bank-robbing gang who was so worried about the fancy new facial recognition software the FBI has on hand? Of course you do, because the last time you saw him, way back in April, it was literally the same drawing:

Now, I know what you’re saying: “Ha, this guy was worried about facial recognition software but he thinks he can beat it by just getting a haircut?” Well, sadly, he didn’t even do that! He just died his ponytail to match the upholstery in his plane:

Anyway, I’m not sure why, if the bank-robbing gang had access to a plane, they didn’t just all get in the plane to escape, rather than one guy getting in it and the other two taking the money and a hostage to a remote airstrip and meeting up with the plane guy there. I guess that’s why I’m not in the bank-robbery game! Too many moving parts for my feeble intellect!

Hi and Lois, 10/24/17

There’s so much that I don’t understand about what’s going on here. Is there an occasion for this strip, in which Hi and Thirsty are suddenly taking the subway home with Leroy Lockhorn, Walt Duncan, Greg Wilkins, Homer Simpson, Mario, and … an Orthodox Jewish (?) character in the foreground I don’t recognize? Is there some common theme holding these guys all together, other than “they’re from cartoons, or, in the case of Mario, a video game?” Aren’t crossover events usually cheerful affairs? Why is this one built around a totally unrelated “joke” about how Hi and Thirsty feel unmoored and adrift in life, with everyone looking extremely depressed? Why does Walt look so disheveled? Why is Homer given a standard white-person flesh tone rather than his native bright yellow? Why are Thirsty and Hi on a train when they’ve always been depicted as driving back and forth to their pedestrian-hostile suburb?

Funky Winkerbean, 10/24/17

Funky Winkerbean: You Always Swore You Were Going To Get Out Of This Town, But Somehow You Never Did™!