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Spider-Man, 3/2/10

It should OBVIOUSLY come as no surprise to anyone that faithful reader Chip Wittle’s comment of the week runner up would essentially come true — that Peter Parker, having left his stupid costume at home, would acquire a new stupid costume, from a costume shop. Hell, he already did this three years ago, when a then-slumming-in-LA Parker bought a vaguely pirate-y get-up and a plastic eye mask and dubbed himself “Justice Guy” (though if I’m remember correctly, the name may have resulted from a passerby mishearing his protestation that he was “just a guy”). But how to make this plot twist exciting and new for the hot Miami sun (and burning-hot Miami buildings)?

Well, the first step is to up the ludicrousness quotient of the costumes. If that lady isn’t rescued in the next few days by Justice Wizard, Super Wehrmacht Officer, or The Ballerina (or, better yet, by some combination of the three), I will be sorely disappointed. Then there’s the fact that this “Party Shop” is closed; last December Mark Trail proved that having your hero engage in a little vigilante breaking and entering is ratings gold, so obviously Spider-Man wants in on that action (although probably there will be less heroic window-smashing and more jiggling of doorknobs and whining). Finally, there’s the intriguing reason for the store closure. Presumably whatever comical outfit Spidey puts on will be lousy with influenza virus, which means that everyone he “rescues” for the remainder of this storyline will die of H1N1 sooner than later.

Hi and Lois, 3/2/10

Bored with his stultifying suburban life, Ditto has decided to strike out on his own with a couple of working men, riding the trash-collecting routes and seeting what real life has to offer! He’ll have a blast, until they sell him to a band of hobos.

Gasoline Alley, 3/2/10

Hmm, Frank Buckles is the last American World War I survivor, but Uncle Walt also served in the Great War, and everyone’s being circumspect about the context in which he did so. My conclusion: he actually fought for the Central Powers. This seemingly immortal fixture on the comics page will finally meet his end when, in the midst of a flashback, he puts on his Stahlhelm, fixes his bayonet, and charges the local police, believing them to be doughboys come to wrest Alsace-Lorraine from the Kaiser’s grasp.

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Hi and Lois, 2/16/10

Maybe it’s because I’m not in charge of a tiny human who will be pooping in his or her pants for the next couple of years, but there’s something I find fairly unpleasant about seeing a little baby thought-ballooning “A bathtub is bigger than a toilet!” I mean, yes, it’s possible that we’re just seeing the development of Trixie’s basic understanding of how objects can be related to each other in terms of size, but something about her cheerfulness, combined with her well-known diaper problems, just screams “that bathtub is full of poop!” to me.

Also worthy of note is the fact that the Flagstons, like the Bumsteads, have an anachronistic bathtub that is totally lacking in shower facilities of any kind. I suppose this means it’s only used for the kids, so, you know, crap in it all you want, I guess.

Dennis the Menace, 2/16/10

It appears that Dennis is slowly, slowly inching his way towards modernity. For instance, instead of wearing red overalls and a blue and black striped shirt as his only outfit, he’s now added red pants and a blue and black striped shirt to his wardrobe selections. And instead of hitting baseballs through Mr. Wilson’s window or harassing Margaret with frogs, he’s staring at his doctor with dead, soulless eyes and ordering her to inject herself with God knows what.

Family Circus, 2/16/10

I like Dolly’s shifty eyes in this panel. “The fool! Doesn’t he know that they’re always watching, and judging? ALWAYS WATCHING. ALWAYS JUDGING. Mustn’t let on that I know … musn’t let on…”

Luann, 2/16/10

You’ll notice that Mr. Fogarty doesn’t even bother asking Luann if she can sew. He’s had her in his class for years, so he’s well aware that she has no useful skills of any kind.

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Mark Trail, 2/9/10

OH, SNAP! The physical assault has begun in Mark Trail, and, since I didn’t cheat by reading ahead with These Strange Worlds, I’m actually pretty shocked that the initial perpetrator is not Joe (or possibly Moe) Parker, but rather this distinguished-looking senator, who isn’t so distinguished that he can’t slap an angry lake-bully with his pimp hand when he gets his dander up. Now, um, maybe this is how elected officials ran constituent services back in the ’70s, but I rather think that this was a poor tactical move on the senator’s part. Surely Moe (or possibly Joe) will be on Fox and/or MSNBC (depending the senator’s political affiliation) in short order, dishing up dirt, and blogs will be falling over each other to come up with “heavy handed” puns. At least there aren’t any cameras around to put the YouTube clip into heavy rotation.

Family Circus, 2/9/10

Once again, you’ve underestimated your brother’s idiocy, Dolly, as he’s actually brushed his teeth with peanut butter. You can see that he’s trying to come up with some retort, but hasn’t been able to pry his jaws apart yet.

Hi and Lois, 2/9/10

I kind of like Lois’s stunned expression; it implies that Chip just let loose with a blues number expressing a deep, existential sadness, the sort of dark, powerful emotion that his mother never even imagined possible, let alone that it might reside in her teenage son. Trixie, as ever, can think of nothing but shitting herself.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/9/10

“That’s because, after days being left hanging here, my shoulders have been terribly dislocated and will never heal properly! I’ll won’t be able to move my arms comfortably again for as long as I live! Ha ha, torture, amiright?”