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Pluggers and Hi and Lois, 11/11/23

Happy Veterans Day, everyone! Do you think the United States is on the verge an apocalyptic war for national survival that will require us to call old men back into military service in a last-ditch and almost certainly doomed effort to fight back the overwhelming force of the enemy? Probably not, right? But still, it’s fun to keep those guys on their toes by hinting that it might be necessary in syndicated newspaper comics, their favorite form of media.

Gil Thorp, 11/11/23

Speaking of grizzled war vets, Gil Thorp apparently fought in the U.S. Army Air Force against the Luftwaffe during World War II, which means that he’s some sort of ageless immortal, which in turn has a lot of implications for any number of Gil Thorp plots. Like his slo-mo ongoing divorce, for instance: sure, it’s painful, but it’s something he has to go through every few decades, before his current wife starts to notice that he looks exactly like he did the day they got married.

Blondie, 11/11/23

Dagwood’s rich parents made sure he never got drafted into World War I or any of the wars that followed it, so no, Blondie will not be acknowledging Veterans Day, thank you very much. Anyway, a big problem with this strip is that the joke is supposed to be that Dagwood is hearing people use “beef” metaphorically and it makes him hungry for an all-beef hamburger patty, but then one of the speakers on TV is named “Mr. Burgomaster,” which kind of implies he’s already watching some kind of burger-themed entertainment, which muddles things, I think. Another problem with it is that it disrespects the troops.

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Beetle Bailey, 11/10/23

I find the “this” in “this army,” intriguing, as it implies that if Beetle doesn’t get what he wants out of the U.S. Army, he might see what some of the other armies have to offer. Like North Korea, say, they’re always looking for new people, right? Or maybe ISIS? Is ISIS still recruiting? Beetle doesn’t follow the news much.

Dennis the Menace, 11/10/23

In other news, Martha Wilson is only late in life realizing that she never loved her husband. This isn’t “menacing” so much as it is “depressing,” thought it’s definitely not what you’d call “surprising.”

Hi and Lois, 11/10/23

Wh … why are you making direct eye contact with me, Chip Flagston? You’re not training me! You’re not training me at all! I demand that you let your hair fall back in front of your eyes at once!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/2/23

Oh, fine, I guess Buzzy and Mud aren’t boxing Rene out of the profits from his own brainwashing scam, or are at least using a stock photo of him as part of the sales pitch. You can’t profit off your crimes, but nothing about the Mirakle Method itself was criminal: it’s not illegal to transform someone’s personality to the extent that he refuses to perform “Muddy Boots” for a theater full of roots country maniacs, though that may change if the bipartisan Play The Hits Act finally passes through Congress this year.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/2/23

Speaking of criminality, it’s always important to remember that Snuffy has done some really nasty stuff, things that would result in nationwide calls for his immediate arrest and execution if they were ever known to the public.

Mary Worth, 11/2/23

“Why was may attempt to conquer and occupy these women with deadly force repulsed? Was there a problem with our tactical execution? Were the strategies handed down from the officer corps inadequate? Or have I once again been betrayed by the politicians in Washington who aren’t fully committed to the mission?”

Hi and Lois, 11/2/23

Oh, is your kid’s little darndest-thing-saying making you world-weary there, Hi? Maybe you should do some self-reflection about why he’s more familiar with a slot machine than a bank.

Marvin, 11/2/23

I’m sure literally nobody out there has been wondering how Marvin’s grandfather’s friend’s marriage is going, but I’m here to tell you anyway: It’s not going well! It’s not going well at all.