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Hi and Lois, 12/14/21

This is (and here’s a sentence that I’m reasonably sure has never appeared in the English language to date) the most heartbreaking Hi and Lois yet. Look at Thirsty! He’s doing a half-assed job of tucking his shirt in, he’s writing things down so that when he’s in a meeting he can at least act like he knows what his job is and that he’s doing it. And he looks so happy about it! Maybe putting forth a little effort to meet your responsibilities can make your life better, just like Irma says! Of course, Mr. Foofram is just going to go with whatever suggestion that nerdlinger in the bowtie came up with, which is presumably neatly typed up on that piece of paper that he’s handing over in the background, and this will send Thirsty back into his downward spiral of sloth. But for one brief and all-too-fleeting moment, he’s proud of himself.

Dennis the Menace, 12/14/21

That is, in fact, Dennis the Menace creator Hank Ketcham that Henry is calling his “boss” here, which quite honestly brings up a whole host of existential questions. Is Herny’s generic white-collar “job” actually just to be Dennis’s dad in the strip that bears his name? Does he spend his time in the office being lectured by Ketcham — literally his creator and God — about all the ways he needs to tee up Dennis’s little acts of menace? “Definitely you need to ogle some sexy women in front of the kid this week, Mitchell, and the week after that I’m gonna want you to talk shit about an acquaintance of yours right before they come to visit. You can’t say no to me, I called you forth from the ether with my pen and I can send you back!” The fact that Ketcham has been dead for 20 years just complicates this scene further. It’s almost as if Henry is finally about to explain who’s really calling the shots in this strip, and why despite the best intentions of everyone involved in its creation today, the Mitchells will be trapped in their narrative hell for eternity.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/14/21

Oh my gosh Rex said a swear!!! June is shocked, for obvious reasons: generally people are driven to profanity when they experience an emotion of some kind, something that she knows Rex tries to avoid at all costs.

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Hi and Lois, 12/8/21

I’m reasonably sure we’ve never actually seen Trixie walking before? It’s 100% appropriate that this is the context in which she takes her first steps: just left alone in the middle of floor, with her parents nowhere to be seen and possibly not even in the house.

Crankshaft, 12/8/21

Man, wouldn’t it be great if this is how we found out that Crankshaft died? “Hey, we realized that your father hasn’t been a huge inconvenience and waste of first responder time and energy this year. Is something up with him?” “Oh, yeah, he died.” [starting tomorrow a tire ad is run in this spot on the comics page]

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/30/21

I’m reasonably sure that I’ve never seen the blessings of the Anglo-Norman system of trial by jury granted to the people of Hootin’ Holler, who as near as I can tell are subject to their unelected sheriff and judge, a regime whose arbitrary nature is at least somewhat tempered by its ineffectiveness. Presumably, however, the town courthouse is a relic of the days when the Holler was part of the now only dimly remembered Newnited States. Nobody is sure what the jury box is for, but today Snuffy and Lukey are going to use it as a place to hang out and laugh theatrically at someone else getting sent to jail for once.

Gil Thorp, 11/30/21

Wow, if you had asked me to guess “so what’s the resolution to this Chance Macy storyline going to be, the one that the strip keeps teasing as super boring,” I don’t think I would’ve picked “Chance is going to Canada to play metric football in front of nobody” in a million years! Kudos to Gil Thorp for keeping me guessing in this extremely low-stakes way, I guess?

Hi and Lois, 11/30/21

I’m not usually one to be like “Oh, the children have been raised on digital machines and have no soul, ours is the last truly human generation that will ever walk the earth,” but today’s Hi and Lois, in which the Flagston kids declare their excitement for getting “all kinds of food” delivered and then rattle off not the varieties of food a person might savor but rather than names of various apps, as if their appetite could be sated by a stream of 1s and 0s generated by gullible venture capital, has truly sent a chill up my spine.