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Six Chix, 3/22/15

I kind of like how sad this lady looks. “Sure, cool wordplay, talking animals that only I can hear, but the truth is that agoraphobia is a serious and debilitating medical condition that has significant and negative impacts on my life.”

Dennis the Menace, 3/22/15

Look, Joey, your mother’s dead, so stop pretending, OK? It’s not menacing, just the tough love you need to get you to acknowledge the facts and get on the road to true healing.

Judge Parker, 3/22/15

“I’ll bet Godiva ‘gets her horse’ now, if you know what I mean! That’s a sex thing, right? A sex thing rich people do? God, I hate working for you one-percent monsters so much, and yet you all have me in a constant state of arousal!”

Shoe, 3/22/15

Loon has been a beloved character in this strip since it began in 1977, right up until today, when he was abruptly and violently eaten by a shark. We can still see the lower half of his mangled body in the final panel, though that too will presumably soon vanish to the shark’s gullet.

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Judge Parker, 3/18/15

Guys, guys, guys, you might have thought that this Judge Parker storyline was about the sexual objectification of women, what with Neddy being urged to show off her hot bod and Godiva wearing, well, this. But! Did you know that men can be sexual objects too? Sure, all you young fellas dream of hitting it big in Nashville, but just having a catchy song isn’t enough! To be a country music superstar, you need to constantly make women believe you might be sexually available to them. And not just on TV or through your songwriting: you need to pay attention to individual superfans, an act of emotional labor that you will find far more draining that you can imagine. Flirting, smiling, suggesting: this is the dark side of country music. Enter that world at your moral peril.

Dennis the Menace, 3/18/15

Enforced heterosexuality is extremely menacing, Henry. Here’s looking forward to a mildly awkward dinner with Dennis and a husky, hairy guy named Ted someday!

Family Circus, 3/18/15

The Keane parents’ facial expression here is a thing of beauty to me. “When? When is he going to stop saying the darndest things? When?”

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Marvin, 3/8/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin holds his grandmother and her affection for him in contempt, but pretends he loves her because he wants cookies! You know what, maybe go back to the poop jokes, they’re less grim.

Dennis the Menace, 3/8/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis almost got this baby killed! The real menace is whoever just dropped this toddler off at the Mitchells’ house and then took off into the night, along with Dennis’s parents.

Crankshaft, 3/8/15

This is the kind of Daylight Savings Crankshaft enjoys! The other kind, the kind that the U.N. cooked up to weaken American vitality and sap our precious bodily fluids — that kind he’s not a big fan of.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/8/15

Ha ha, environmentalists, amiright? Always trying to save nature, despite the fact that nature is evil and must be destroyed!

Panel from the Lockorns, 3/8/15

If there’s one thing Leroy has learned from his many years on this Earth, it’s that life is terrible and death is preferable in every way.

Panels from Judge Parker, 3/8/15

Are you guys ready for the Erotic Education of Neddy Spencer? Because it’s definitely happening.