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Judge Parker, 6/7/12

Man, even the hoariest of soaps still retain their ability to surprise once in a while! I mean, yes, we all could have predicted that Sam and Avery would be driving out to their impromptu rich guy fishing vacation in the most vulgar and stupid vehicle imaginable. But would anyone have guessed from the squicky interactions between Avery and Peaches that the nubile Gal Friday who’s forced to wear some kind of retro micro-mini-skirted form-fitting stewardess uniform is actually her boss’s daughter? Fun question for contemplation: would it actually be less gross if Avery weren’t Peaches actual father, with “Dad” just being some kind of icky lover’s nickname?

Archie, 6/7/12

I was going to mock the typical “Prices were lower in the past, due to the well-understood economic reality of inflation” oldsterism on display here, but then I decided that if Archie’s dad is so determinedly nostalgic that he insists on going grocery shopping in that hat, I guess I’ll let him have his fun.

Dennis the Menace, 6/7/12

Merging your ostensibly monotheistic theology with belief in various minor folk deities? Belief that Almighty God keeps track of the exchange of grubby human money like some kind of omnipotent accountant? Enh, menacing enough to pass, I guess.

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Judge Parker, 6/5/12

That’s quite the sly and sinister expression Sam’s sporting in the final panel there … almost as if he’s thinking “With the contract signed and the money on its way to Alan’s bank account, I can take these saps up to the Old Cherry Creek Lodge at Payton Crossing, where I dispose of the dismembered bodies of all of my victims! Abbey, please make a note of their names on my ceremonial Clipboard of the Doomed.”

Actually, “The Old Cherry Creek Lodge at Payton Crossing” sounds like a ghastly faux-rustic luxury condo building in a meticulously landscaped and completely soulless exurban development, which, if you think about it, is exactly the sort of place where Sam would stash corpse parts if he were a serial killer.

Spider-Man, 6/5/12

Meanwhile, I love the expression of pure joy on the face of … whoever that is with the microphone in panel two. The broad shoulders and brush-cut imply that he’s a sportscaster who’s been assigned to cover theater as some kind of punishment, and over the course of the first act he was horrified to learn that you’re not expected to or even allowed to offer a stream of loud running patter about a play the way you do at football games. But now something interesting is happening! Something you’re allowed to talk, or at least, whisper, about!

Mary Worth, 6/5/12

Wilbur’s editor is maintaining a poker face, but you know that it was really difficult for him to not dissolve into giggles while saying “Did you fall in love with someone new?” I mean, he’s probably been on the verge of hysterics from the minute Wilbur walked in wearing that suit.

Six Chix, 6/5/12

Ho ho! Turns out Larry’s bad at sex!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/2/12

You have to hand it to today’s Rex Morgan. It faced a difficult test — “Can we depict a drunken younger woman, dressed in fairly modest mourning clothes, strangling an old lady, but at the same time remind our readers that younger one has large, shapely breasts?” — and passed with flying colors.

Apartment 3-G, 6/2/12

Desperate to change Nina’s mindset and put a stop to her irrational fear of childbirth, Tommie has come up with a new religion based around worship of Nina’s unborn child, with Tommie as the high priestess.

Judge Parker, 6/2/12

Sam is staring at that signed contract with more affection in his eyes than he’s ever show to his wife, children, or any other human being. I know this is supposed to be a “realistic” strip, but shouldn’t he really have dollar signs floating around his head?

Family Circus, 6/2/12

If the Family Circus suddenly became a body horror comic, with the Keane Kids cracking wise as fingers grew out of their feet and their ears dripped blood and their hair fell out and the back of their heads were covered with eyeballs, would that be more or less disturbing than the jokes they use now? Discuss.