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Six Chix, 3/30/12

Color me 100% DELIGHTED at this frank depiction of three ladies just getting stone cold blotto in the comics. In fact, it took me a moment to get that there was a pun in play here, and I thought the whole joke was “Ha ha, these three women have consumed an amazingly large amount of alcohol, and now they feel really unpleasant!” I also thought that the lady in the middle had had her throat slit, possibly in a drunken brawl, though I guess that’s just supposed to be her chin. Anyway, things are never quite as good as I imagine them to be, but they’re still pretty good in this case.

Momma, 3/30/12

Oh, Momma, I think you’re confusing your lingo here! A “hit” in crime-talk is a murder for hire; maybe the term you’re looking for is “shakedown”? Or maybe you think Francis is going to purchase a “hit” of some illegal narcotic (that’s what the kids call it? a “hit of heroin”? the kids? the junkie kids?) with your money, something his sweaty overeagerness in panel three might suggest. I realize this is all taking place in a world where there’s a radio show called “The Greatest Hits On Earth” and also people still buy radios and they cost $40, but for some reason “hit” really bothers me.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/30/12

I have been trying to find something nice to say about Funky Winkerbean’s 40th anniversary celebration, and finally here’s something: it’s nice to see that 40 years ago Funky Winkerbean didn’t feel obliged to put ‘quotes’ around ‘phrases’ to ’emphasize’ the ‘joke.’

Judge Parker, 3/30/12

Ha ha, ladies, more concerned with interior decorating than with blowing away intruders, amiright fellas? It’s a wonder we even let them have guns!

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Sunday serials mostly summarize the preceding week — apparently newspapers put the interests of decent Sunday-only and weekday-only subscribers over those of degenerate free-rider Internet obsessives. Thanks a lot, newspapers! Here we go:

Apartment 3-G, 3/25/12

This week’s Apartment 3-G “action” consists of Tommie asking Nina Gaines if she wants to take a walk. While we wait for her answer (give it a month or so), consider that poor Nina is trying to balance her commitment to a career with loyalty to her insensitive clod of a husband amid a storm of powerful lady-hormones that make her weep uncontrollably over every little thing.

Compared to the motivations that drive principal characters Lu Ann (“Shiny!”), Margo (“Blood!”), and Tommie (“What?”), this makes Nina the most complex, nuanced character in Apartment 3-G — its Cleopatra, Lady Macbeth, and Hedda Gabler. She really deserves her own strip, maybe teamed up with Professor Papagoras fighting crime or rescuing pets.

Mary Worth, 3/25/12

Whoa, here’s an unexpected development! Long months after their encounter in the shopping district, Nola remains rooted to her park bench, paralyzed by shame. Smithers — now sober and wiser, his tear-stained tie traded for a snappy cap, and CEO of his own environmental-services startup — returns to help her move on: “Nola, my life as Sales VP was a desperate, lonely wasteland until your lies led me to a greater truth. Because of you I have found enlightenment and peace, so thank you, thank you, my sweet, wonderful *&@#%$!”

Dick Tracy, 3/25/12

Aww, we’ve been neglecting this strip since its conversion to representational art and narrative coherence. Here, criminal gargoyle Blackjack takes a break from his crime spree for some strategic Dick Tracy-related product placement.

Judge Parker, 3/25/12

Hey, remember that story in Judge Parker? The one about the black sedan tailing Li’l Judge Randy and his Walther PPK and the botched murder attempt and how April Bower was implicated and that showdown with the mysterious lady assassin? The story that’s been going on since September, 2010? You do remember it? Well, forget it.

That’s it for me — Josh will be back Monday with a frothy mix of comics, COTW, and all the rich Joshy goodness we’ve come to know and love. Thanks for a fun week!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/23/12

Some jokes never get old. This isn’t one of them.

Crock, 3/23/12

But all jokes are improved by adding “pants” to the punchline. Try it yourself: replace “grenades” with “pants”, and see what happens!

Dinette Set, 3/23/12

If you like a punchline a lot, follow the lead of professional comedian Jay Leno and say it again! The same rule applies to setups, right?

Family Circus, 3/23/12

Dolly reads the fairy tales so her siblings won’t have to, and adds hilarious commentary of her own! You’ll be hearing from our lawyers, Dolly.

Judge Parker, 3/23/12

Sam Driver descends on the scene like a WASP Archangel, enwhitening all who gaze upon him. Check it out:

Judge Parker (panels, edited), 3/11, 3/18, 3/23/12

Next: Monique Zatari — albino assassain!

Spider-Man, 3/23/12

It’s good to see Tinky-Winky’s still got work, but Thor’s gonna regret waking up that other guy. “Occupy Asgard — gods are the 1%!”

Just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch — look for them when Josh gets back Monday.

— Uncle Lumpy