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Judge Parker, 11/5/11

“Sam, you and I both know that a ‘gift’ involves emotional entanglement and webs of obligations, which I have no interest in. This is strictly a commercial transaction! Derek has been contracted to teach me about sex, and guitar playing; the latter, I’m given to understand, can be parlayed to obtain additional sex.”

Ziggy, 11/5/11

I was initially confused about how Ziggy managed to end up with a leg injury after being rear-ended, but then I thought, eh, probably there’s just one archetypical “injured Ziggy” template, with new dialogue swapped in as needed. Because the only thing sadder than the idea of millions of Ziggy fans laughing unaware at recycled panels is the idea of Ziggy panels being painstakingly created anew when the only payoff is yet another Ziggy comic.

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Judge Parker, 10/21/11

In Judge Parker, teenage boobs are facing off against other teenage boobs!

Luann, 10/21/11

In Luann, Brad is being sexually harassed by boobs, and by unsettlingly shaped hair!

Pluggers, 10/21/11

Fortunately, Pluggers is pretty much without boobs. But not without intrigue! Sure, Mr. Bear-Man, you’re drunk-dialing that dude form junior high who you “experimented” with and haven’t spoken to since just to “use up your remaining minutes,” whatever.

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In the absence of a pulpit, I am employing comic strips.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/16/11

Everything new is bad. Children are a curse.

Family Circus, 10/16/11

I mean it — a curse.

Mary Worth, 10/16/11

We can never escape the mistakes of our past.

Judge Parker, 10/16/11

So we should enjoy the simple pleasures life offers us.

Spider-Man (panel), 10/16/11

Wherever we find them.

That’s it for me — Josh will be back Sunday with your Comments of the Week, and Monday for more mockin’ on the funnies. Thanks for a fun week, everybody!

— Uncle Lumpy