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The Lockhorns, 6/18/10

After more than four decades of Lockhorns dinnertime spitefests depicted from a point of view more or less level with the tabletop, today’s panel attempts to play with perspective a bit, showing us what it would be like to cower on the floor about three feet away from Leroy and Loretta as they eat. (Obviously, they’ll ignore you, as their mutual loathing is far more interesting to them just about anything you can name.) In addition to adding a bit of visual flair, this new viewing angle really gives us a good look at their dining room chairs, which they’ve clearly had specially made with incredibly short legs to accommodate their freakishly stumpy frames.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/18/10

I have to say that if, back when Rex and June discovered Brook lurking in their house, you had asked me to predict how this story would turn out, I would have not have considered the possibility that she would end up using her martial arts skills to disarm a knife-wielding thug. In fact, I would not have made this prediction a mere three days ago. But to be fair, I don’t think we’d ever seen Brook’s ripped inner thigh muscles, a result of the long hours she puts in at the dojo keeping herself in peak physical shape.

Judge Parker, 6/18/10

Wow, so Judge Parker is really going to go through with this shoe business, huh? At least today’s strip accurately depicts what would happen if you got a lawyer involved in footwear manufacturing.

Mary Worth, 6/18/10

In a desperate, last-ditch effort to end this conversation with Mary, Jenna’s brain has just triggered a massive stroke.

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Judge Parker, 5/6/10

I’ve frankly been pretty bored with the Neddy’s-triumphant-return storyline so far, but things may in fact be looking up. I expected to Jules to be some sort of mishmosh of Frenchy/fashion designer/metrosexual stereotypes — effete, histrionic, lascivious — but it would be much more interesting if he were an actual crazy person. Perhaps he designed the perfect shoe years ago, and just looking upon it left him the wild-eyed madman you see in panel three. The cruelest aspect of his mental illness is that he can no longer even remember his great moment of shoemaking apotheosis! All he can do is carefully balance the heels of his latest creation on his thumbs and mutter lunatic nonsense.

It’s also possible that Jules’s weird, aberrant behavior is drug induced. This would be great, as this strip has lacked a good drug story since Abbey got high on accident a couple of years ago. Jules will presumably claim that, because of his spasming back, he had to take a whole fistful of “medicinal” shrooms.

Apartment 3-G, 5/6/10

Speaking of drug-fueled descents into madness — uh, Margo, I’m all for substance abuse to ease the pain of losing your fiance, but don’t take the angry ones, OK? I know it’s useless to reason with someone in a paranoid rage, but might I point out that, in order to be manipulative, you have to be smart?

Mark Trail, 5/6/10

This Mark Trail story, which started out as “Mark finally agrees to have the relations with Cherry,” looks like it’s about degenerate into “Sassy runs off without her collar.” This will inevitably lead to lots of Rusty running through the woods with his emotions running high, and whether the boy is amped up or terrified he’s awful to look at, so no good can come of it. Plus we’re forced to contemplate just how “not pretty” that dumb little dog smells now.

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Phantom, 4/22/10

I know that there’s been an uptick in security measures at airports since 9/11, but I think sleepy Westchester County Airport’s decision to acquire anti-aircraft weaponry may be an overreaction to current threats. Where will this escalation end? Will any of us sleep soundly at night once Yonkers has nukes?

Judge Parker, 4/22/10

Kudos to new artist Mike Manley for continuing the Judge Parker tradition of having female characters vamp sexily while the usual plot tedium drones on around them. “Anxiety attacks? How erotic,” panel three Neddy is thinking, from the looks of it.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/22/10

“And anyone who doesn’t want to burn to death when I torch it for the insurance money has about three minutes to get the hell out.”