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Archive: Judge Parker

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Robust oxy competition is good for consumers, honestly

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Mary Worth, 2/16/23

Look, I’m not going to say I’m done with Wilbur, like Estelle and Iris justifiably are, but I am a little sick of his shit, and feel like Mary Worth readers could use a rest from him for a while. That said, I do think today’s strip is a kind of fun meta-commentary, like “Oh, did you you think you had finally achieved inner peace, NOPE, SORRY WILBUR”

Hagar the Horrible, 2/16/23

We all remember the Ice Bucket Challenge … now get ready for the Ice Bucket Fetish!

Judge Parker, 2/16/23

So wait, you’re telling me that Cavelton had an oxy ring run by drug dealers, and another one run by the cops, and another one run by a judge? Sure explains why everyone has been so loopy around here.

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Is a head assistant coach above or below an assistant head coach

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Gil Thorp, 2/8/23

Oh, hey, remember Emmett Tays, the former Milford football player who presented Gil with his major award and told a fun story about how he and Gil bonded over their abusive parents? Well, he’s received his compensation for leading the Gil-adulation, in the form of a assistant coaching job that pays, on the orders of Dr. Pearl, half of what our dearly departed Coach Kaz was getting, which definitely won’t eventually give rise to a discrimination lawsuit of any kind.

Judge Parker, 2/8/23

Look, I don’t participate in the pill-popping lifestyle so I’m unfamiliar with its folkways, but I have to think it doesn’t actually involve just shaking a prescription bottle in the general direction of your mouth and hoping the tiny, delicious pills end up in there, or at least within tongue range. Even Tommy from Mary Worth is smart enough to know that you put the pills in your hand first, and Tommy is not smart at all.

Dennis the Menace, 2/8/23

Dennis, unaware of the many baroque ways in which the human body can beging to malfunction as it ages, is about to learn that there will come a time when he won’t be able to poop, even if he wants to. Truly, the menace has become the menaced today.

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Eternal winter would be good for ratings

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Judge Parker, 2/2/23

Look, sometimes I have to give you a long, convoluted explanation of what’s been going on in Judge Parker in order to talk about what’s happening in any given strip. But sometimes I can just say, “Oh, hey, FYI, Sophie’s just stone cold going nuts and delivering massive head trauma to a meth-dealing judge while weeping and letting loose a string of obscenities.” Doesn’t require a lot of context and it’s really just good clean fun!

Marvin, 2/2/23

OK, I admit it: Marvin can be off-putting even when it doesn’t talk about pooping and peeing. Like when people wearing eyeglasses are drawn without pupils, for instance. It’s a weird artistic choice that the strip sometimes, but not always, makes, and it’s real unsettling! Or when they decide to really draw attention to the fact that the characters only have three fingers and a thumb by putting a ring on someone’s middle finger. Don’t care for it! Don’t care for it one bit!

Gasoline Alley, 2/2/23

I don’t know what I want from the comic strip Gasoline Alley, exactly, but I feel comfortable saying that “media criticism from talking animals” isn’t it. Still, I can’t help but join in and point out that if you’re looking to document an animal maybe seeing or maybe not seeing its shadow, having giant lights shining on said critter could really cross the line from observing to affecting.