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Comments of the week coming in the not-so-distant future, as ever I have some items of interest. First, it’s been far too long since we had some merch pics! Faithful reader Mooncattie has been baffling the Europeans with his fine Comics Curmudgeon gear! Here he is showing off his Gail Martin shirt in the Swiss Alps:

And here he is sporting his Cassandra Cat shirt in Prague:

Also! Faithful reader Elle wrote me with this tidbit:

I “inherited” (read: liberated) a bunch of old sci-fi books from one of
my cousins, and one of them contains a line that may haunt me forever.
In “The Complete Story Of One Of Star Trek’s Most Popular Episodes
‘The Trouble With Tribbles'” (I think the book itself may just be
named “The Trouble With Tribbles”, but it is hard to tell), David
Gerrold talks about Gene Roddenberry’s vision of the series:

“Gene Roddenberry envisioned Star Trek as ‘Hornblower in Space’, the
adventures of a kind of interstellar Mary Worth, traveling from planet
to planet, solving problems and exploring the universe…”

Personally, I feel the 1960s Trek uniforms would blend right in at Charterstone.

And! This note comes from faithful reader Happythoughtindeed:

I was shopping with my husband at Taft Furniture in Colonie, NY and was stunned to see an entire partitioned-off section devoted to and entitled Apt. 3-G. It is a section devoted solely to hip apartment furniture. Large signage inside boasted black and white photos of three young, hip chicks, two light hair and one dark haired, laughing and walking arm-in-arm with shopping bags over their shoulders. Apparently, this huge furniture outlet has designed an entire section and inventory after the Apt 3-G comic strip.

Here is a link! Apparently, Apt 3-G is far hipper than any of us realized. Who knew? I’m quite chagrinned.

And! if you live within spittin’ distance of Minnesota’s Twin Cities, you’ll probably want to check out this gallery show of comic art. (Thanks to faithful reader Carl for the tip.)

And finally, I’m presenting, for what I think is the first time, something I got from a syndicate publicist. But I love Lio and I love lookalike contests, so: Lio lookalike contest, everybody!

And now, at long last, the COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Is it me or do all the pictures of raccoons having fun not quite match up with the text there? It’s almost like Elrod went on another ‘How cool are raccoons? Wouldn’t you like a pet that washed its hands in the river?’ trip, and the syndicate just edited over it. ‘Okay, here where he wrote ‘Raccoons love grapes, much like I love wine,’ just put something about how many people get bitten by raccoons every year. Dammit, Elrod.'” –Windier E. Megatons

And the runners-up! Also funny!

“In today’s last panel, Coach Thorp is veering dangerously close to honest introspection that might not end with, ‘God, I’m awesome.’ But I trust Gil to bring it around, even if it kills him. And by ‘him,’ I mean Marty, of course.” –Sock Puppet

“The most terrifying thing on the comics page today is that ellipsis in panel two; it threatens us with the prospect of Delilah’s note continuing tomorrow.” –buckyswife

“I’m more interested in the legal system today’s Shoe seems to imply. Apparently, lobsters are entitled to some sort of trial, and only the lobsters who have committed truly vicious crimes are sentenced to be eaten. This also raises the question as to what happens to birds who commit violent offenses. Are they fed to the lobsters in the parallel, but segregated and never shown, talking-lobster civilization?” –Justin

“I think we should all take a moment to congratulate Bernice on her very first sexual thought. Judging by panel three of today’s Luann, the concept of sexuality finally hit her out of nowhere, like a freight train of pure Australian beef. Meanwhile, Luann’s look of dull surprise (dull sexuality?) never once wavers in the face of Bernice’s obvious arousal. Good gravy, how I love this comic.” –Dan

“Mary may have a look of smug satisfaction, but what did she do? Fire a few platitude bombs that bounced harmlessly off Delilah’s horny hide? When you get right down to it, Delilah meddled herself.” –gnome de blog

“One can only hope that in her rush to leave the stultifying cloisters of Charterstone Delilah left her entire wardrobe behind.” –Fashion Police

“Boy, whenever I say ‘He’s a hurt and hostile kid’ I want to take MY shirt off.” –Isaac

“I don’t find Mimi’s buttocks in the second frame particularly spectacular. But Gil probably does, judging by his ‘hit bottom’ comment. Next he’d say: ‘All that kid needs is a good kick in the ass. I mean, I really wish I could pound a tale of hope into his head. A pirate plunders booty … fucking hell, can we please just get our Tuesday night coupling out of the way while our children are still passed out from malnutrition in the basement?’ (Gil can’t get it up so well when they make the scratching noises.)” –lunarhalo

“If the armory is a rockin’, does that mean the reservists on duty shouldn’t come knockin’?” –un malpaso

“Oh for crying out loud. THEY ARE BIRDS. Horrible, filthy birds. We are lucky Shoe and his pal, the fishhawk, aren’t depicted pecking the eyes and claws off the struggling crustaceans whilst shrieking deafeningly like the rapacious beady-eyed monsters they are. KEEE! KEEEE!” –Jumper

“Let’s not forget how nicely dressed Mary is as she reads the aftermath of her meddling. Pearls always accessorize so nicely with stepping in between two incredibly stupid people.” –Daveh

“Today’s Mary Worth is the most disorienting thing I’ve seen in the comics in years. I swear I thought Charley was listening to Rodgers & Hammerstein and watching old home movies of his parents, who just happen to be Marcus Welby, MD, and Mary. It’s all so clear — Charley is their love child that they abandoned years ago. Charley searched the country to find his true mother, and moved to Charterstone just to be near her. But Mary couldn’t accept him. Indeed, she is enraged by his very presence, sending Charley spiraling downward in a vicious cycle of porn, show tunes, and hitting on borderline psychotic women in patterned tights.” –Lawyerbob

“See, what elevates Mary Worth above the average Chick tract is that Jack Chick’s villains only ended up in Hell, not quietly weeping to 50’s musicals. Somehow, this is more harrowing.” –Chromium

“Can you imagine it being your job to read through old Gil Thorp strips for dangling plotlines to follow up upon? Go back a couple of posts and look at those Gil Thorp collections again. ‘What are you doing today, Neil?’ ‘Well, I’m going to pore over Rockin’ the Armory to find some open threads I can resolve in the strip. When I’m done with that, I’m going to have a root canal on a perfectly healthy tooth, just for the practice.'” –Cranky

[in response to above]: “Well, heck, if Neil ever steps down, I’ll volunteer. I’ll deliver even more wacky Kaz plotlines, that’s for sure. I don’t really understand football, but I doubt that would make a noticeable difference to the strip.” –AirForbes

“Speaking of Broadway, do you remember when Javier Bardem glued Ritz Crackers to his neck and played the title role in Peter Pan? If not, A3G will remind you.” –Joe Blevins

“The supervillain Oliver, grown up from the Brady Bunch and wreaking havoc on those critics who wronged him, accosts the mutant-hero, Bluebeard, asking him a technical question. Unfortunately, as all supervillains do, Oliver has mistaken the product for the inventor; one might as well ask a box of Twinkies how to make the ‘Magic Kreme’ that lies at their center!” –un malpaso

“Also: Pluggers are illiterates whose history books consist solely of pictures.” –Judas Peckerwood

“Today’s Family Circus is the one that finally proves the strip has no class. Why not ‘Barfy’s never had so many trees from which to choose?’ Comics are terribly base these days.” –Asterion

“We’re missing the obvious. Marmaduke is a crime scene.” –Sequitur

“I think the writers of Mark Trail are confusing popularity with the willingness to skin a critter and wear its pelt as a hat.” –NoahSnark

“In this current economy, it’s good to know that the Powers family of South Dakota is doing all that it can to keep the kerchief industry strong. Well, kerchiefs and incestuous porn tapes.” –Dingo

“So if I interpret Cathy correctly, her words of comfort to her husband essentially amount to ‘You needn’t worry about your preternaturally ancient appearance and ludicrous hairstyle because your head is the least grotesque thing about you.’ Cold, but probably accurate. (I say probably because I mean, look at them; who knows?)” –Violet

Three cheers for everyone who put cash into my tip jar! And cheers also to my advertisers:

• Why is Matt Damon on Aniboom?: Matt Damon, Morgan Freeman, and Josh Brolin have recorded exclusive readings for animators to use in fresh art and animation! Be on the lookout for Aniboom’s Marvel Motion Comics Competition launching Aug 24!

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Mark Trail, 4/15/07

Let it never be said that the Sunday Mark Trail strips aren’t educational and informative. Without them, I’d probably still view elephants as gentle, endangered herbivores rather than the murderous, yam-poaching menaces that they are. Today, I learned that, despite all my assumptions and common sense, great herds of squid can and occasionally do leap out of the water in precise, Olympic-synchronized-swimming-quality formation. It’s a good thing I learned this in the safe confines of the comics, because I think that if I had encountered a flying flock of squid in real life I would have been reduced to a quivering, urine-soaked lump of fear.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/15/07

The goofy, absurd punchline to this strip hearkens back to the days before Funky Winkerbean took The Turn To Grim, but with the shadows everywhere, the glum faces, and the general pall hanging like a black cloud over everything, there’s no mistaking it for anything but a product of this feature’s late ’00s bleakness. I particularly like Black Teacher Dude Whose Name I’m Pretty Sure I Never Knew’s attitude of slouched resignation in the second panel. He seems reasonably sure that this newfangled copier will somehow make his job obsolete and put him in a homeless shelter within the month. He’s right, of course, but what he doesn’t realize is that he’s standing too close to its radioactive core and he’ll leave his job with a nasty case of stomach cancer to boot.

Mary Worth, 4/15/07

As I think my visual annotations above prove pretty well, Vera Shields is either completely insane or very, very sarcastic. (For more visual evidence of Mary’s horrible cooking, check out this post on Subdivided We Stand, faithful reader Smitty Smedlap’s blog.)

Lio, 4/15/07

No snark on this one from me, just thought you’d all enjoy it. I particularly like the way Leroy Hateachothers keeps his cool and makes a wisecrack while everyone else panics.

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Lio, 3/25/07

OK, despite the fact that Mark Tatulli has made a few comments on my site, I’ve managed to not cover his relatively new strip Lio here, mostly because it’s good. Still, how could I not share this with those of you who haven’t seen it? (Though based on the number of you who’ve emailed to me, I’m guessing that number is pretty low.) While there’s a long tradition of comics artists good-naturedly snarking on each other in their features (see today’s Pearls Before Swine for another installment in the long-running mock feud between Stephan Pastis and Get Fuzzy’s Darby Conley), I do have to wonder if this will be seen within the profession as crossing some kind of line. Watch yourself if you’re ever in Canada, Mark, is what I’m saying.

Mark Trail, 3/25/07

I don’t want to alarm you, but I’m pretty sure that Mark Trail is a tool of the anti-Christ. Two years ago, the Christmas installment consigned baby Jesus to the throwaway panels and focused most of its energy on that thinly veiled pagan nature spirit, Santa Claus. Now, this ostensibly Easter-inspired strip contains exactly zero crucified saviors, but makes the shocking claims that rabbits are the most beloved symbol of the holiday and that they are messengers of some higher power. Also, it keeps bringing up the Germans, so I think Mark is probably a Nazi as well.

Mary Worth, 3/25/07

What in the good lord’s name is Mary doing to Vera’s hand in the last panel? It’s like she’s realized that Vera is so eager to move into Charterstone that she can get away with all sorts of abuse of the sublettor-manager’s code of ethics. “Yes, Vera, all new Charterstone tenants get a complimentary two-hour knuckle massage! Now, hold still.”

Dennis the Menace, 3/25/07

Mom’s been smiling all day about going to a party that involves “bowls.” I see a heartbreaking Reefer Madness-style future series in which Dennis and his dad must break Mrs. Mitchell from her insatiable appetite for marijuana.