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Mary Worth, 7/4/22

Happy Fourth of July, everyone! Did you bake a cake for America’s birthday, like Mary did? No? Well, I guess you don’t love America enough, do you? (This sentiment still stands if Mary bought a sheet cake for America’s birthday at the supermarket, which at second glance she probably did. It’s the thought that counts!)

Dick Tracy, 7/4/22

For America’s birthday, Dick Tracy is reminding us that only AMERICA has sent manned spacecraft to the moon, where they discovered that the moon was inhabited by Moon People, one of whom, in this classic storyline, eloped with his son and Dick chased them there and then he did the extremely American thing where he’s shocked, shocked to learn that other countries (or planets) also have immigration laws and they apply to Americans. If I were in prison on the moon, I personally would want it to be an electric prison, because I’m pretty sure you need electricity to generate the oxygen I need to live, but that’s just me.

Pluggers, 7/4/22

Sorry to get political on here on the Fourth of July, everybody! Don’t get too mad at me! Reed Hoover also got political by claiming that hip-hop, an American-born art form that is one of the U.S.’s most popular cultural exports, isn’t welcome at a plugger’s Independence Day celebration. You can get mad at him all you want, but sadly it won’t do you any good.

Beetle Bailey, 7/4/22

Beetle Bailey is here to remind us that like any ideology, patriotism and nationalism are shaped by material conditions. When urging the U.S. to ease starvation in post-WWII Germany, General Lucius Clay, head of the occupying forces, famously said, “There is no choice between being a communist on 1,500 calories a day and a believer in democracy on a thousand.” The quantities here have shifted somewhat, but the point stands.

The Lockhorns, 7/4/22

The Lockhorns, meanwhile, invert the classic aphorism and make the political personal, every day. There’s no room for ideology in Leroy and Loretta’s world: everything gets crushed into interpersonal misery by the intense gravitational field of their mutual loathing.

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Panel from The Lockhorns, 7/3/22

This one gets even better when you think about the backstory. Presumably the lifeguard jumped down out of his chair and dashed off into the surf to save someone struggling out in the water. The rest of the beachgoers watch the drama, praying for a safe ending and admiring the lifeguard’s prowess. Leroy, meanwhile, sees an opportunity to do a bit. “She’s gonna hate this,” he thinks, chuckling to himself.

Dennis the Menace, 7/3/22

Alice’s look of genuine surprise in the next to last panel really makes this one for me. “Wait a minute … the stringbean arms … the scrawny legs … did I marry a nerd? Oh, no, I married a real dweebus! I can’t believe it!”

Dustin, 7/3/22

I can’t believe I’m about to type the following phrase, but I really respect today’s Dustin. A lesser strip would’ve made the kid character the butt of the joke and had him dumbfounded by metaphors, whereas instead we have him slowly realizing that everyone in this family is a jackass, not just Dustin.

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The Lockhorns, 6/20/22

A fun thing to do with the comics (for certain limited definitions of “fun,” but those limited definitions are pretty important for a self-proclaimed curmudgeon of the comics genre, so here we are) is to try to work backwards from the scenario we see in any given panel to see how contrived the implied setup truly is. Like, at a fundamental level, why are the character where they are, other than “it’s necessary for this joke”? Today I’m particularly curious about why Loretta is hanging out in the (surprisingly spacious, considering her constant harping on Leroy’s low salary) bathroom with Leroy while he incorrectly takes his medicine, but standing with her back to him. The answer, I guess, is that she knew he would screw up this basic task of self-care and wanted to be there to enjoy that when it happened, but was idly looking at the toilet (?) until the proper moment, for plausible deniability. Normal people wouldn’t follow their spouses into the bathroom, of course, but I think we’ve long established that neither Leroy nor Loretta are normal, so I’ll let it side.

Pluggers, 6/20/22

Today’s Pluggers is great because it could plausibly be about how pluggers are continually baffled and agitated by virtually all developments in society since 1978, or about the fact that they are increasingly deaf. But, really, do we even have to choose? “Pluggers don’t want to hear you telling them about modernity and fortunately they can’t” is a perfect Pluggers caption, to me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/20/22

“And if those superheroes kidnapped people at gunpoint, took them back to their filthy hovel, and got quack doctors to do experimental brain surgery on them, probably with whatever power tools were available? Truly that would be a utopia!”