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Hi and Lois, 1/10/23

You know and I know that Trixie Flagston has been doing her thing (“her thing” being sitting unattended on the floor for hours at a time and fixating on the shafts of light coming in from the outside in the absence of any other meaningful stimulus) since 1954, but I suppose we must concede that, in the world of the strip, Trixie is a literal baby and has only been doing it for a few months. Like maybe this is her first winter? Maybe this is the first she’s seen the moon? Anyway, watch out, Sunbeam, looks like Trixie has a new friend! You’d be upset, if you were the jealous type, and if your existence as a being with feelings and desires was anything other than a product of Trixie’s sad, lonely imagination.

Shoe, 1/10/23

Say what you will about Shoe, but its creator Jeff MacNelly was a real old-school newspaperman, and you can tell that’s built into its DNA by how accurate its depiction of most working journalists are (they’re all very depressed and hate the act of writing with their whole heart).

The Lockhorns, 1/10/23

Seems kind of obvious, Loretta. It’s so he doesn’t have to wash them! Glad I could help.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/6/24

Personally, if I had fled in the middle of the night from the people I had defrauded in order to avoid a lawsuit, and also was presumably on probation for attempted murder chargers, I would not hang around in a room full of the people I had wronged just to confirm that Rex Morgan was the ultimate architect of my current setback, no matter how good my fake beard skills were. In fact, I would simply leave Glenwood altogether if it seemed that all of my evil schemes were being foiled by Glenwood’s most prominent doctor! That’s just me, though. I’m not telling Rene how to do his job. But, honestly, he seems pretty bad it, so maybe he could use the advice.

The Lockhorns, 1/6/24

“I know this, of course, because of our varied, intense, and enthusiastically consensual BDSM-centered sex life. ‘Wallet area’ is what I call his ass when I’m mixing things up with a little financial humiliation play.”

Daddy Daze, 1/6/24

We all know about the Daddy Daze daddy, who speaks in normal human language, and about the Daddy Daze baby, who speaks in a series of “ba”s that the Daddy Daze daddy purports to understand and translates for the benefit of us, the readers. Well, today we learn about the Daddy Daze grandaddy, who speaks in series of asterisks that the Daddy Daze daddy purports to understand and translates for the benefit of us, the readers. Pretty crazy, huh? That’s 2024, baby. Who knows what surprises await!

Family Circus, 1/6/24

RED ALERT RED ALERT DOLLY HAS BECOME AWARE OF FEMINISM, REPEAT, DOLLY HAS BECOME AWARE OF FEMINISM

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The Lockhorns, 12/23/23

Usually a crinkly smile on Leroy means that he’s in the midst of being dramatically drunk, but I’m not quite sure what vibe he’s supposed to be giving off here. Maybe it’s something like “Yeah, that’s right, we argue. We argue a lot. It gets us all revved up. So you two wanna swing or what?”

Slylock Fox, 12/23/23

Turns out the Forest Kingdom has some kind of Henchman Christmas Party where Max and Count Weirdly’s little genetic experiments get to hang out and exchange gifts! In an ideal world, they’d also be plotting to rise up against their respective masters and seize control of the world for themselves, but that would require a level of class consciousness and basic competence that none of them have ever demonstrated.

Blondie, 12/23/23

“Ha ha, self-checkout machines! They sure, uh, exist, right? The modern world, whaddya gonna do! Well, that’s a joke, probably, time to go play golf.” –the Blondie brain trust, it seems