Archive: Lockhorns

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Dustin, 9/14/23

Apologies (?) for not showing you yesterday’s Dustin, which consisted of Dustin asking his dad to guess the global gross domestic product, and Dustin’s dad guessing $100 trillion when the actual answer was $102 trillion (according to the strip, anyway, but if you think I’m doing any research whatsoever to fact-check a gag in Dustin you are sorely mistaken), and there was some bemused discussion of how his guess was quite close in relative terms despite being off by $2 trillion, a very large sum when considered on its own. Anyway, this was annoying but not that annoying — certainly not that annoying by Dustin’s usual standards — so I didn’t bother talking about it here. But repeating the exact same “joke” today, with nothing new added other than a shuffle in the lineup of characters saying it? Well, that’s annoying enough to bring to your attention. If they try to get a whole week out of this concept, I’m going to be very annoyed indeed.

The Lockhorns, 9/14/23

See, if you’re going to do a themed week, you really need to follow the lead of The Lockhorns and do it with a real purity of purpose and tight focus. This week is apparently “Lockhorns anniversary week,” the theme of which is that Leroy and Loretta use the occasion to attack and belittle one another in anniversary-specific ways, as opposed to the more general ways in which they do it over the rest of the year.

Gil Thorp, 9/14/23

Wow, it looks like Toby and Rod really used their time in prison to sharpen their football skills, huh? This is going to send an important message to student-athletes everywhere: that the best way to get a leg up is to go to juvie where they’ll be forced to play football for the entertainment of a sadistic warden, so they need to do some crimes, but not crimes so serious that they get sent to adult prison, where the sadistic warden can only be entertained by no-holds-barred steel cage matches.

Blondie, 9/14/23

Love the way Elmo is solemnly making direct eye contact with the reader in the final panel here. This truly is an important lesson about school picture day that America’s children need to learn, which is why it’s so tragic that no children read Blondie.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/23


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Shoe, 9/13/23

A comic strip is such a condensed bit of storytelling that I generally think it should do one joke and and do it well. Today’s Shoe, for instance, should just lean into the fact that it’s doing a version of the well-worn “psychic fails to predict something that would actually have been quite helpful for them to know” bit or do something with in the fact that there’s a new psychic in town named “Claire Voyance.” “But Josh,” you’re probably saying, “‘Claire Voyance’ is an incredibly dumb and on-the-nose thing to name a psychic, I’m not sure how you’d squeeze anything funny out of that,” and you’re not wrong, but keep in mind that Shoe’s recurring psychic character, the one who’s featured in today’s strip, is named “Madame ZooDoo” for some reason, so you can see that the strip isn’t operating on a particularly high level to begin with.

The Lockhorns, 9/13/23

Man, I want to know about the chain of thought that led to Loretta hanging up a “Happy Anniversary” sign from Party City for a dinner of leftover orange goo and bright red wine. Normally I’d think this was set up to drop some kind of sick burn on Leroy, but instead it just made her an easy target, so I have to assume she just gave up, which is sad, honestly. You hate to see a great competitor in marital combat leave the arena.

Blondie, 9/13/12

It’s been a while since I watched the Weather Channel, but based on the general trajectory of basic cable channels, I very much would believe that America’s Greatest Weather Injuries is a big part of its lineup now. Gotta give the people what they want!

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Gil Thorp, 8/31/23

So before we get football season underway, Milford’s students are doing some kind of Night At The Museum sleepover thing, only without the part where the exhibits come to life, probably. Anyway, I’m not sure what possibility is funnier: if Luke Hernandez’s pay at his new Milford coaching job is so low that he has to moonlight as a museum security guard, or if he’s just doing this as part of his job as a Milford faculty member and went out and bought a vaguely law-enforcement-y uniform to help him establish his authority as a chaperone. (The other possibility — that, as this summer’s Prison Bowl demonstrated, Milford-area athletics is becoming full integrated into the carceral state — isn’t really funny at all.)

The Lockhorns, 8/31/23

I really like the expression this bait shop guy is giving Leroy here. “Hey man, that’s … that’s not really how you’re supposed to think about it. I mean, yeah, sometimes the fish die at the end of the process, but not always, and the point is to relax in the boat and have a beer or three, not to come up with a vivid scenario where you’re some kind of fish executioner. Is everything OK at home?”

Dennis the Menace, 8/31/23

Oh, so you don’t like it when tells your guests the mean things you say about them behind their backs, but you also don’t like it when he just quietly goes up to his room and lets the adults socialize? I’m beginning to think that Dennis isn’t the only one engaging in some menacing here.