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Six Chix, 7/3/23

I like this one! I like this one because it implies either that crabs are the undersea equivalent of Americans, or that in the far future, Americans will evolve into crabs and take to the sea in order to escape our blighted surface but still retain a dim memory of the national habits and holidays of their distant ancestors. Either way, they exist in some sort of celebratory symbiosis with the jellyfish, a relationship that (I hope) is mutually beneficial.

The Lockhorns, 7/3/23

I’m really loving these two dudes sitting at the bar with big smiles on their faces. They’re all in the Hate Wife Club! Leroy is their new best friend and tonight they’re gonna tear this town up (have three more cocktails, get morose, the other two are going to call their wives up and beg for forgiveness and go home and leave Leroy with the beardy bartender who gets increasingly pointed as closing time approaches and Leroy continues to refuse to make eye contact).

Pluggers, 7/3/23

C’mon, man, that’s not a possum, that’s a bear! Oh, wait, he’s just playing possum. Anyway, c’mon, man, he’s not pretending to be dead, he’s actually dead! Been dead for hours! Kangaroo lady’s going to figure it out soon and it’s gonna hit her like a ton of bricks!

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The Lockhorns, 7/1/23

Ahh, another entry in the “Lockhorns are millennials” files: Yes, Leroy got up to 301 at UCB, yes he absolutely was that guy who derailed every scene to focus on his extremely unfunny obsessions, yes, he always tried to push things towards scenarios that would allow him to feel up his female classmates, and yes everyone he took the class with set up a new group chat without him as soon as the class ended. He preemptively told Loretta “not to bother” coming to the class show at the end of the session because “most people don’t have guests” — he told himself it was because maybe something might happen with one of the girls in the class at the afterparty, but in fact he knew that if Loretta had seen him alive and vulnerable on stage, she would have delivered one of the most savage putdowns she’d ever mustered on the ride home.

Mary Worth, 7/1/23

Ha ha, what if it were a pizza, though. It would be pretty funny if there were just a big pizza lying on the ground and Max ran up and started snarfing up all that cheese and getting tomato sauce all over his snout. Turns out Max doesn’t give a shit about Greta! It was about the pizza all along!

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Slylock Fox, 6/19/23

There was a truly incredible report a few months ago that featured extensive quotes from Taliban fighters who, after spending two decades waging a brutal and ultimately successful guerilla war against the mightiest superpower the world has ever known, found to their great surprise and disgust that running the country they had conquered mostly entailed sitting in an office building in Kabul and writing a lot of emails. This was what popped into my mind immediately upon reading this, and for some reason I find this a much funnier and more incongruous scenario than these sapient animals stealing jewels from each other or whatever. These creatures rose up and dispossessed the dominant species of planet Earth, in a paroxysm of genocidal violence, with the intention of building their own civilization in the ruins! And now they’re hacking into one another’s email accounts in order to frame each other for the crime of sending mean notes? The creatures looked from funny animal to man, and from man to funny animal, and from funny animal to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/19/23

I genuinely love how distressed this Hagar’s victim looks in panel two here. He lives in the civilized Carolingian realm, and probably he though that the days of violent Teutonic justice and trial by combat were over; now disputes are settled peacefully in accordance with civil law in the Emperor’s courts. But here are a couple violent men with weapons, sent (or so he thinks) by his wife’s vengeful family, here to make it very clear that, if you cross the wrong people, the old ways are still very much alive.

The Lockhorns, 6/19/23

I am frankly quite pleased to see the whole crypto/web3 scene go through multiple hype and boom/bust cycles to finally achieve its final form: something used in a syndicated newspaper comic strip as a well-understood shorthand for “a topic the most irritating person you meet at a party would talk to you about.” I only find this strip unbelievable because I am 100% certain that Leroy doesn’t need anything explained to him, because he has lost a substantial amount of money in crypto.