Post Content

Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/18/23

This image is, quite frankly, one of the most horrifying that Slylock Fox has presented me with in all my years of reading and commenting on this strip. I suppose Weirdly imagined that his genetically modified mega-bee would itself be able to use its powerful stinger to attack his enemies and fetch its own honey, but thanks to the square cube law its insectoid anatomy means it can barely move, so it spends its days in a cage in Weirdly’s basement, dragging itself over to bowls of honey that someone else has to steal for it. We don’t have any indication that this bee is sapient like the other animals, and truly it would be a blessing if it weren’t, as an intelligent mega-bee would have nothing to do all day but contemplate the innate wrongness of its own existence.

Shoe, 6/18/23

Speaking of fucked up animal business, imagine if you were a mortician and you came into your showroom one day only to find some old guy in there sticking his head into the coffins, taking big sniffs and making satisfied sounds. I know morticians see a lot of stuff that would haunt us normies but this one would have to unsettle even them. Not sure how both the mortician and the old guy being birds would affect things but I can’t imagine it would help.

Gasoline Alley, 6/18/23

Can you imagine how annoying someone’s on-stage patter must be if you get up and demand that they start playing music while they’re in the middle of an anecdote about how people don’t like their music? Rufus must be even more irritating in person than he comes across on the page.

Panel from The Lockhorns, 6/18/23

I’ve never watched Bridgerton, but through cultural osmosis have learned that much of the first season’s plot revolves around a sexually naive young woman whose husband keeps using the withdrawal method and who slowly comes to understand that this is why she isn’t getting pregnant, which means that, to be blunter, much of the first season’s plot revolves around semen, so it’s fun to rate how unsettling it is to imagine various comics characters having in-depth conversations about it. Jeremy Duncan and his mom? Not great. Crankshaft? Very bad. Leroy and Loretta Lockhorn? Hoo boy.

Post Content

Judge Parker, 6/15/23

Sorry you’re a coward, Sophie, but I actually would’ve liked to have seen the process by which Abbey decided to “get back out there” on the dating scene, and am definitely curious about which apps she used, considering that she’s the richest person in town and just had a very public failed campaign for mayor driven by revenge for having been falsely accused of burning down her own B&B. Was she on Raya, the dating app exclusively for celebs, rich people, and the celeb/rich people adjacent? Does Raya do local matches, or was she just getting a bunch of silver-haired finance guys in NYC or London? Did the pic where she “felt cute” look like this surreal nightmare?

The Lockhorns, 6/15/23

This joke is enh but I am very charmed by the way the bartender is smiling at that bottle in the background. “Oh, brown liquor,” he’s thinking to himself, “you and I have brought happiness to so many people! We’re a great team!”

Hagar the Horrible, 6/15/23

Wow, I’ve spent so much time on this blog trying to figure out where exactly in the late Carolingian era Hagar the Horrible takes place, only to learn today that Hagar’s civilization is actually part of the pre-Deluge world as described in the Book of Genesis! Definitely this is a society that is corrupt before God and filled with violence, so this adds up.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 6/8/23

Looks like Santa Royale Action News has gotten wind of the van-based dognapping gang haunting the region, and thank goodness they’re interviewing this nice lady instead of Saul. People are going to see her on TV and think “Oh no! Our city’s pets and their owners are being victimized! We must stop at no expense to defeat these evil criminals!” If they had seen Saul, their reaction would be more “Honey, get in here, there’s a little dude in a bowtie on the news! Ha ha, he’s blubberin’ about his dog or something.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/8/23

As we discussed, Niki may have given up his cool hairstyle, but I’m happy to report that his mom is sticking with hers. She knows that Daryl Hannah’s chracter in Blade Runner was the pinnacle of fashion and she simply has no interest in making any changes at this time. Did she also stick with her meth manufacturing business? Probably not, right? 2023-ear Niki looks like a narc, I’m assuming he scared her straight.

The Lockhorns, 6/8/23

Leroy is, canonically, a Reddit guy, so you can see why he finds the fact that Loretta has paid $8 for a blue Twitter check so embarrassing. Obviously he’s not a fan of most of the stuff she does but you can see an even deeper contempt in his eyes than usual here.

Pluggers, 6/8/23

This phrase most of you associate with playful, youthful sexuality? To pluggers, it means pain, physical pain that they don’t trust anyone to diagnose or treat. This one is, uh, a little much, guys.