Archive: Luann

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Family Circus, 6/16/09

The Family Circus isn’t just a beloved refrigerator decoration for old people everywhere; it’s also an elaborate long-running narrative experiment, challenging our notions of hard and fast divisions between “reality” and “fiction.” The Family Circus family has a very strong resemblance to the real-life family of Bil and Thelma Keane; the parents are modeled very closely on them, and the kids are as well, though not as closely as you might think — there are actually five real-life Keane kids, and the only daughter, whose childhood nickname was Dolly, is in real life older than the Billy analogue, whose real name is Glen. The strip father’s job is also supposed to be a cartoonist; you do see him sometimes working in a home studio, but he also appears to leave for some kind of office job during the day. Then there’s strips like this one, where pretend-Billy takes over for pretend-Daddy in the comics drawing business, which implies that the comic is actually produced by one of its own characters, like a snake vomiting up its own tail, even though the actual end result has traditionally been drawn by real Bil and not real Glen. Add into the madness the fact that for some time the real artist of the strip has been the real Jeff, though there is the fiction (see what I did there?) that Bil is still doing it; real Jeff looks remarkably like pretend-Jeffy and yet seems determined to portray pretend-jeffy as a moron whenever possible.

Try to keep all this in mind and you’ll be left with a serious headache when trying to figure out who might be responsible for today’s panel on the several different layers of fiction, metafiction, and reality that it simultaneously occupies. And that’s too bad, because, when you cut through all that, the content of today’s panel is pretty delightful, containing at is does the pretend-Keane parents (or the pretend-pretened-Keane parents) getting into a screaming fight because LOOK AT ALL THESE FUCKING BILLS and WHY DON’T YOU GET A REAL JOB and MY MOTHER SAID NOT TO MARRY YOU and so on. Of course, the real Keanes never had arguments like this, because of those aforementioned old people and their insatiable lust for Family Circus-branded merchandise. But nobody wants to put a crudely drawn panel of Mommy and Daddy lighting cigars with hundred-dollar bills on their refrigerator.

Luann, 6/16/09

The punchline of this strip would be kind of cute if Brad did in fact have any other friends, but as it is it’s just kind of depressing.

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Luann, 6/9/09

Say, did somebody mention “view[ing] Luann’s treatment of human sexuality with mingled fascination and horror”? Oh, yeah, I did! Well, today’s strip offers an insight into the origins of the squick that hangs over this feature like a squirm-inducing black cloud by proposing a typical fair as some sort of carny-staffed aphrodisiac. Let’s go over each item presented as potentially arousing in turn, shall we?

  • The smells: A heady melange of fryer grease, unwashed barnyard animal, sweaty humans, feces from said animals, and barf from said humans.
  • The food: Dripping in grease and inappropriately deep fried.
  • The rides: “Wait, has this thing been inspected by anybody? I don’t like that grinding noise it’s making, and I don’t think the door is shutting all the way … also, it’s hard to grip onto the handlebar, because somebody appears to have puked on it.”
  • The animals: Sheep, pigs, and cows, all trotted out of their barns so they can be inspected by those who plan to kill and butcher them!

In other words, the “whole hot, earthy, exciting atmosphere” is a tremendous boner-killer for any right-thinking person. I’m frankly amazed that the Tilt-a-Whirl upchuck incident didn’t just turn Mr. DeGroot on further.

Mark Trail, 6/9/09

There is absolutely no strip on the comics page today that can deliver the laughs like Mark Trail. I certainly hope that the Williams Chemical Company is an enormous publicly traded multinational corporation, and that Mark spends a baffling day being shuffled between the plant manager, the operations manager, the CEO, the COO, the chief environmental officer, the chief quality officer, the chairman of the board, and the heads of the major stockholder factions before becoming frustrated and just punching out postindustrial capitalism itself.

Apartment 3-G, 6/9/09

“Wait … Eric is such a nobody that this newscaster can’t even remember his name without reading it off a sheet of paper? GASP! I must break off the engagement at once!”

Family Circus, 6/9/09

Well, Jeffy, it looks like you’re going to have to take some of that stuff out of your suitcase before you leave! Don’t worry, I’m sure that the other children at the orphanage will be happy to share their toys and clothes with you!

Funky Winkerbean, 6/9/09

“HA HA HA HA HA! Get it! I took what you said, but then reversed it! HA HA HA HA HA! Hey, wait a minute, are your pants unbuttoned?”

Panel from Spider-Man, 6/9/09

Meanwhile, over in Spider-Man, Wolverine is posing for his yearbook photo.

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Your COTW momentarily, but first: for those of you who missed my Stoop Storytelling appearance (which I’m assuming is pretty much all of you, seeing as I didn’t announce it until after tickets were sold out, because I’m a loser), the audio from said story is now online, and you can listen to it here! (Note that the audio will play as soon as the page loads, so make sure that anyone within earshot wants to hear the harrowing tale of my Jeopardy failure before you click.)

Also, anyone who views Luann’s treatment of human sexuality with mingled fascination and horror ought to check out faithful reader yellojkt’s Creepiest Luann Contest.

And now … your comment of the week!

“Wait, are we sure that’s a spy in today’s installment of Crock? Because from the list of his grievances, I’m pretty sure they’re about to execute Andy Rooney.” –BigTed

And the hilarious runners up!

“Is anyone besides me wondering what Doc does in that lab? Make the crystal meth that’s required to tolerate a conversation with Mark and Cherry? Keep Rusty’s animated corpse chugging along? Engineer the giant squirrels?” –buckyswife

“Given the many, many times that we’ve seen Marmaduke and Mrs. Hitler getting freak nasty, I think it’s clear that Marmaduke has a very intense foot fetish. The coquettish feigned innocence is part of the foreplay. And I am deeply disturbed that the preceding two sentences came out of my brain.” –The Ghost of Jarrod

“I can also forgive myself for not realizing that the knock-kneed swoon of Marmaduke-lady was meant to convey coy girlishness. I guess I always assumed she has the same problem that all of the blurry, floppy Marmaduke characters have: some sort of congenital spine disorder.” –Dumb Blonde

“I hate to dispute Margo, but as far as I can tell: Not ending up with Tommie for the rest of your life = Success!” –Darkefang

“By my count there are at least three crimes against hand-nature in this Gil Thorp: the disembodied monstrosity and the headslap flipper in panel 1, and the face-graft in panel 2. It’s getting sexier in here already!” –Steve S

“Yes, yes, this being Gil Thorp, the sexy swimsuit issue will feature a fully-clothed girl talking to another through the bathroom door as the latter changes; then some random hands; maybe some field hockey the next day; and Gil and Kaz describing all of it in the coach’s office come August.” –teddytoad

“I’m confused. When Margo says, ‘that mistake could have been fatal,’ exactly whom is she threatening to kill? And please, couldn’t she go ahead and kill that person anyway?” –Nekrotzar

“He certainly couldn’t literally bore someone to death, because if boredom could actually kill, all of Tommie’s ‘friends’ would’ve died years ago.” –Alan’s Addiction, wondering how anything involving Gary could possibly be fatal

“More likely, the infamous Charterstone pool party erupts in a cavalcade of conservationist antics, as Trail and boy-ward Rusty capture Ian Cameron in a net, mistaking him for some sort of man-bear hybrid/missing link.” –Jilliterate, on the possibility of a Mark TrailMary Worth crossover

“Ahh, the joys of youth, when you can fit into a soft drink carton bikini instead of having to wear a soft drink carton one-piece, which just looks ridiculous.” –Rob

“This being Gil Thorp, I’m fairly certain that they won’t be using the word ‘sexting’. I can hardly wait to see what suitably Puratinco-Luddite phrase Gil will coin to refer to the phenomenon of ‘taking cell phone photos of adolescent girls in swimwear that looks suspiciously like a leftover costume from a 1932 Flash Gordon serial.'” –annabanana

“I think I may just take a liking to Delilah. She already has the best hair of any Mary Worth guest star dating back to Chester the Dog, and she’s sly enough not to say too much over the phone, which for all she knows is plugged into the Charterstone public address system.” –Mooncattie

“Of course Mark didn’t see anything written on the barrel when he was standing right in front of it. Mark’s just reading the brand name of the magnifier etched on the edge of the lens. ‘I’ve found the culprit: Bausch and his partner Lomb!'” –NotThatGuy

“Gil and Kaz are getting bombed on the sidelines, and why the hell not. We only have to read Gil Thorp; they have to live it.” –Charlene

“It should be noted that the rule for reading Wolverine/Spidey team-ups is always to read it like they’re seeing each other having once upon a time had an awkward one-night stand.” –Papers

“We get it, Crock. The characters are French. There is no need to strap one to a baguette.” –Isaac

“I love how the folks behind the Spider-Man daily tease us with the visages of all these cool supervillains in panel two, only to completely let us down by showing supposedly bad-ass Wolverine wearing a jogging suit in panel four and what appears to be vintage captoe swing-dancing shoes in panel five.” –Three Owls

He hates Facebook, get it? Because the people who write the comic are friendless non-entities.” –It’s time to pay the price

“Some of you may laugh at the idea of Mark doing research on the Google and all. But when he can’t find what he wants and he punches the Internet, we’re ALL going to be sorry.” –buckyswife

“At last, today’s strip gives me what I’ve always wanted in Gil Thorp: all of the ‘different’ ‘characters’ lying on the ground, dead or dying. I hope this lasts all week!” –Hip Young Urban Plugger

“We long to see Mary Worth re-imagined as a Victorian melodrama. We should be careful what we wish for. Apparently, Ms. Moy and Mr. Giella can only reach back to 1967, and that only via an old Playboy discovered in Mr. Giella’s hope chest.” –Fashion Police

“I assume ‘I am the second officer!’ is more of a threat. ‘I have set this ship to crash upon the rocks and only I can undo it! Mua ha ha ha!'” –Carly

“You gotta love Toby’s superb display of passive aggression: ‘We’re so looking forward to our trip to Scotland!‘ (Leaning in for the kill shot of a sympathetic hand on the shoulder:) ‘Where was it you’re going to spend your summer, Mary dear?’ On the other hand, maybe it’s all a ruse for slipping some particularly loathsome corrosive agent in Mary’s drink. If so, I will buy Toby the 15-inch rubber sex toy of her choice.” –boojum

And PeteMoss, capping a discussion of comics ladies and their shoe-shopping ways, made me laugh with “‘I once complained about shopping for shoes, until I met a man who was shopping for feet.’ — Ziggy”

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