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Luann, 1/4/06

I can’t believe the amount of mail I got today about this cartoon. “Oooh, look, Mama Luann is poking out her own eye!” “Oooh, look, Mama Luann’s face cream is black for some reason!” I swear, it’s like you people have never seen someone applying stage makeup before bed in order to simulate a black eye to help along some safe, consensual, simulated-punch-in-the-face roleplay. If it weren’t for all the hubbub from you sheltered prudes, I wouldn’t even bother talking about it.

If you want to contemplate something really sick, however, you ought to try keeping track of the number of Luann strips that feature either Papa Luann or Brad brushing his teeth. It’s like the author has some sort of perverted pudgy-balding-guy-brushing-his-teeth fetish. And that ain’t right.

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Panels from Luann, Peanuts, and For Better Or For Worse, 11/17/05

As Brand and Toni share a tender moment, Snoopy exploits his best friend, and April desperately attempts to scrub the horror that is adolescence out of her face (you’ll never get it out, honey, you’ll never get it out), let’s take a moment to appreciate the subtle sound effects of the daily comics. Usually we associate comic noises with the sort of big, violent BIFFS and BAPS that result from the tangling of superhero and supervillain. But here they add texture to the more down-to-earth pursuits of the newspaper’s sequential protagonists. And the RAKES and the WASHES remind you that those everyday words are in fact onomatopoeic.

OK, have you taken your moment? Are you done appreciating? I just wanted to add one more thing before I go…

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/17/05

Have I mentioned that I’m starting to think that all the comics are about me?

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So I slacked off the whole weekend, going off “having fun” and “enjoying myself” instead of posting comics for your amusement. O the shame! And during such a wacky weekend for the serials, too. Here’s a quick recap, one panel at a time:

Tommie and Lu Ann showed off their synchronized head bobbling.

“Brick” House showed off his vocabulary.

Mimi let her cloaking device briefly disengage and showed off the steel hair and terrifying, alien visage that keeps her EON minions in line.

Dr. Jeff showed off his mastery of platitudes.

And Spider-Man showed off … well, I’m not really comfortable talking about what Spider-Man showed off.

Meanwhile, in da hood…

Curtis, 10/17/05

Holy cow, Curtis is getting interesting! First it gets rid of one side of the comics’ least interesting love triangle, then it takes on gun-fueled school violence! No doubt by the time you read this you’ll know who’s holding that gun, but right now I’m on tenterhooks. Is it Chutney? Gunk? Barry? Or just another kid who listened to a little too much “Fortyounce” or “Bullet-Wound,” which is going to result in a Valuable Lesson About Media Violence?

Oh, and speaking of boring love triangles and violence:

Luann, 10/17/05

Yeah, just visiting a pal … in the back seat of his moving car! Seriously, did Dirk just materialize behind Brad completely unbidden and announced? Am I missing something here? Is the Dirk storyline going to be resolved in the only way that will make it all worthwhile: with the revelation that “Dirk” is a figment of Brad’s imagination, a representation of his untrammeled, unrepressed id combined with his repressed homoerotic fantasies? A guy can dream, can’t he?