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Mark Trail, 12/8/17

Oh, wow, this plotline very quickly went from baffling avant-garde theater to the least arousing gay pornography anyone could possibly imagine.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/8/17

I’ve been sitting here for five minutes (the maximum amount of consecutive time my doctor and my family have told me I’m allowed to think about Funky Winkerbean) trying to figure out what “Now this is something I can relate to” is supposed to mean here. Like, he … enjoys taking baths in public fountains? Or at least can relate to the impulse? Or is it just that he, like the ducks, takes a shower every morning? And what’s up with the “now” part? Was the entire trip to one of America’s great historic cities wholly unrelatable to this schlub from the rust belt suburbs of northeastern Ohio up to this point? I’m definitely sure I’ve put more thought into this than anyone who worked on this strip, whose main concern was probably “How can I write that trip to Memphis off on my taxes?”

Six Chix, 12/8/17

It’s true what they say: Christmas does come earlier every year! Like, I swear, Christmas music has been on the radio for weeks know, and people usually don’t start feeling like a tradition that arose to show love and appreciation to your loved ones in the spirit of the gifts brought to the baby Jesus had devolved into a materialistic, transactional zero-sum game until at least December 15th.

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Mark Trail, 12/5/17

I for one am extremely excited for Mark Trail to finally become the full-on avant garde art project we’ve always imagined it to be. When the one-eyed man and his companion, a gentleman with a blue suit and pocket square who’s cosplaying a mid-level Ancient Egyptian official from the 19th Dynasty from the neck up, encounter a wizened old clown who just screams and screams, American newspaper readers will experience the mingled terror, confusion, alienation, and catharsis formerly available only to highbrow types seeing radical theater produced in big cities.

Family Circus, 12/5/17

I have to admit that I genuinely laughed out loud at Jeffy’s smug facial expression here. “Eh?” he’s saying. “Breakdown of traditional gender roles? Eh? Eh?”

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Mark Trail, 11/30/17

FACT: Chris “Dirty” Dyer is a notorious animal poacher who enjoys nothing more than dismembering majestic, endangered beasts for his own profit.

FACT: The Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus was in its final years mired in numerous controversies regarding its mistreatment of elephants and other animals.

CONCLUSION: Chris “Dirty” Dyer was from a young age a sociopath who reveled in grotesque animal-torture entertainments.

ALTERNATE CONCLUSION: Chris “Dirty” Dyer was a normal young boy who had his ability to feel empathy for animals deadened as he watched cruel circus taskmasters heartlessly treat noble elephants as unfeeling objects while the audience members around him jeered.

FACT NOT RELATED TO THE FOREGOING BUT STILL IMPORTANT TO NOTE: The “Tingling Brothers Circus” definitely sounds like the porn parody version version of the Ringling Brothers Circus.

Mary Worth, 11/30/17

Hmm, so what I’m taking away from Iris’s dialogue in panel one is that she may not be as familiar with as wide a variety of sex acts as Zak might be accustomed to with his younger partners, but the ones she does know she knows very well, as she plans to show Zak repeatedly until Tommy gets back from Goleta 48 hours from now, Mary’s passive-aggressive notes slipped under the door about Charterstone’s noise regulations be damned.