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Mark Trail, 11/2/16

Mark Trail UPDATE: in addition to rickety log bridges and enraged wild boars and freakishly huge ant mounds, Mark and Abbey now also have to deal with an earthquake, or maybe a volcano, or maybe an earthquake caused by an erupting volcano, which is undeniably exciting! The tangle of flailing limbs in today’s final panel also reminds of an earlier vision of Mark tackling a person, which makes me wonder if Mark Trail isn’t secretly catering to someone’s very specific fetish.

Curtis, 11/2/16

Ha ha! It’s funny because Curtis is just old enough to know he needs to hid the bleak reality of adulthood from his younger brother, for just another few years!

Hi and Lois, 11/2/16

Ha ha! It’s funny because Trixie is a preverbal infant but she’s already being driven into a spiral of anxiety by the thought of her own inevitable death!

Mary Worth, 11/2/16

Yes, let’s spin the wheel of fate, shall we? Who will be lucky enough to be the next person who has to make polite talk with Wilbur about his travel plans? Will it be Dawn? Will it be Iris? Will it be some other person who has even less reason to care? Ian, maybe? Will Wilbur run into Ian in the hall and babble excitedly about his new adventure, with Ian’s contempt growing more and more visible all the while? That sounds great! I vote for Ian!

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Hagar the Horrible, 10/29/16

“More stomachs!! Each larger than the last!! My gut distending grotesquely as the innumerable extra organs writhe unnaturally within me, groaning as they funnel massive amounts of food into my single small intestine, which can’t handle the load! But I keep shoving chicken wings down my gullet, bones and all! I’m insatiable!!” Haha, more like Hagar the Body-Horror-ible, am I right?

Mark Trail, 10/29/16

So, months later, I’m still kind of grumpy about Mark’s interminable cave adventure. But if that massive, record-breaking ant mount were to suddenly burst open into a seething mass of red ants, which flows towards a terrified Mark and Abbey like an awful, chitinous wave — well, would I consider that just compensation? Yes, yes I would.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/29/16

Far away, at an island resort, the head of R&D at Riddell Helmets watched the event on her phone and smiled. This should keep up the flow of money to our department, she thought to herself. Might as well go ahead and reserve the honeymoon suite for next year now.

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Judge Parker, 10/23/16

Godiva Danube (neé Brunhilde Akerman) burst upon our collective consciousness in April 2009 as movie star, equestrienne, wife of country-music legend Rocky Sledge, supporter of Our Brave Troops, and adoptive mother of six refugee children (all now playing nicely with the Thorp kids down at the bottom of the memory hole; don’t forget to toss in some Legos and string cheese as you pass by).

Today, with the Godiva-affiliate wing of the Spencer-Driver empire in literal collapse behind her, she wisely if callously cuts her losses, protects her #Brand, and Gets the Hell out of Dodge. Given the new author’s interest in paring down the cast of characters, this may be the last we’ll see of her. Farewell, Godiva, and thanks for all the cheesecake!

[Caution: video plays oom-pah music. Sincere apologies to Tom Jones.]

Mark Trail, 10/23/16

Heart-stopping killer eyeball plants – for those special times when parasitic flatworms aren’t creepy enough!

Mary Worth, (panels) 10/23/16

Through the dark times of addiction and even prison, you never, ever question your Worth — not if you know what’s good for you, buddy.

Well, my time here is up.

SO UNFAIR.

Josh will be back tomorrow — thanks for a lovely week!

–Uncle Lumpy