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Mark Trail, 3/20/15

Hey everybody! This seems as good a time as any to cue you all in the existence of the Adventurers Group, a Facebook group run by new Mark Trail writer/artist and faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader James Allen! James will be posting some behind-the-scenes stuff from the strip in the group, so Mark Trail trufans (which I trust all of you are) will want to check it out. Maybe you can ask how long we’ll get to enjoy this red-hot beaver-on-beaver action in the strip — but no, that’s the sort of magic that can dissipate as soon as you look at it too closely.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/20/15

Oh, man, has the scourge of class warfare stricken Rex Morgan Area High School? It’s like you can’t even have a rich old mobster give you a free enormous SUV that marks you as one of her loyal retainers without some sort of social consequences!

Pluggers, 3/20/15

Pluggers are bald, and they also drink themselves to sleep.

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Archie, 3/14/15

Hey, kids, here’s a perfect formula for a pop culture themed comic strip!

1. Map a commonly recognized concept from pop culture onto a vaguely analogous situation
2. Have a comical bald fat man say “These [pop culture element] have really gotten out of hand!” while flop-sweating
3. Rerun in newspapers across the country roughly 15 years after the joke has stopped being relevant

Apartment 3-G, 3/14/15

There was an Apartment 3-G earlier this week where Margo threatened to crush her beloved assistant Sam beneath her boot-heel like the lowly worm that he is, and I didn’t even discuss it here because I figured there was more where that came from! How wrong I was. Somehow between yesterday and today Margo decided Skyler did something wrong and then chewed her out about it and humiliated her but retained enough emotional control over the situation to then forgive her and make it seem magnanimous! What exactly was she mad about? Was it because Skyler was shooting off her mouth about her big news before Margo was able to come up with a Publicity Action Plan? I love that her punishment is that Margo will refuse to even start thinking about publicizing this exciting career development for several more days. I’m sure the studio will feel warmly about all of this!

Dennis the Menace, 3/14/15

What’s a sadder way to think about this: that Dennis childishly dreams that one day he’ll be an adult and can be a contemporary to his parents when they’re still young and vital, or that Dennis is a comics character, trapped forever in a single moment, doomed to never age to adulthood no matter how much he wants to? Oh, is the saddest thing immediately coming up with two separate and distinct really depressing readings of a Dennis the Menace comic, without trying? Yeah, that’s probably it.

Mark Trail, 3/14/15

“We’ve been invited to a friend’s house!”

“Oh, have our friend and his girlfriend decided to form a legally recognized pair bond yet?”

[THEY MASH THEIR FACES TOGETHER]

“No, they have not! Our pair bond is still the best! Ha ha! We’re in love, like normal humans!”

[HE TOUCHES HER NOSE EROTICALLY]

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Slylock Fox, 3/9/15

It’s clear that the sapient animals of Slylock Fox used the ruined detritus of our civilization as the building blocks for theirs — why else would that owl judge be wearing a black robe, or that bird juror a necktie? But clearly the cultural material they drew from had gaps. For instance, despite today’s near omnipresence of the Law and Order franchise, apparently not a single episode survived for the entertainment of the triumphant beasts, because otherwise they’d know that the law enforcement apparatus consists of two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. Instead, they have Slylock fulfilling both these roles, and additionally providing entertainment to courtrooms when cases are so open-and-shut as to be boring. Even Shady Shrew is enjoying the performance. “Heh heh, it’s the sun! They’re never going to guess it! Oh, soon I’ll be back in prison, where my freedom of action is restricted but life has an order and structure I’ve never been able to create for myself on the outside. I guess that’s probably why I stole that lady’s bike off her porch in broad daylight.” Anyway, once Slylock’s done here, he’ll head over to a lawsuit involving a doctor whose husband was killed and son terribly injured in a car crash.

Mark Trail, 3/9/15

Ooh, is this Mark Trail storyline going to be about the importance of a work ethic and self-reliance? “Our young beaver knows that support a family, he’ll need to industriously build a dam, using nothing but his teeth, paws, and gumption. Meanwhile, Littlefoot grows fat on the Trail family’s handouts and refuses to even do basic foraging for himself.”

Momma, 3/9/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Momma’s emotional world is so twisted that her idea of a happy home is one in which her children have gathered together so she can make them all feel bad about themselves! Also, hashtags are … a thing that exists, I guess?

Family Circus, 3/9/15

NO, LADY, DON’T LET HIM TAKE OFF THIS MITTENS AND TOUCH YOU WITH HIS GROSS CLAMMY GERMY SKIN, IT’S A TRAAAAAAP