Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 11/11/10

So for no reason other than to drive the narrative, Rachel here has been pitching woo very hard at sad, damaged PTSD case Wally, and earlier this week Wally’s ex-wife slipped her a note on how Rachel could better “help” him. Naturally it was a list of his favorite pornographic films, and now Rachel is going to debase herself further by going and renting (or, God forbid, buying) these from the smut store when there is plenty of perfectly good free pornography on the Internet. This attempt to establish carnal relations will founder like all the others, though, as Wally is, perhaps understandably, less keen on watching dirty movies and screwing and more immediately interested in getting food into his house while avoiding the possibility of having a psychotic break and shooting up the supermarket. Presumably Rachel will find the whole scenario to be a libido-killing level of depressing, and the two of them will just spend the evening at opposite ends of the couch, silently watching Hot Army Lesbos 8 or whatever. Happy Veteran’s Day, everybody!

The Lockhorns, 11/11/10

Somehow, The Lockhorns manages to mine sexual incompatibility for laughs somewhat less depressingly. Who are these party guests in the background? Did Loretta really want her friends to see whatever stab at “sexy garment” a tasteless schlub like Leroy would come up with? I like the way the woman on the left has her gaze cast downward, avoiding eye contact with everyone as she tries to make herself invisible in the midst of all the awkwardness, while the woman on the right is staring directly at Leroy, quietly judging his inadequacies.

Mark Trail, 11/11/10

You know who’s not inadequate at all, though? Mark Trail! Can Mark scramble down a cliff to pull a guy out of a car that has burst hilariously into flames? You bet! Does it matter that Mark already punched this guy out earlier? Nope! Mark giveth (punches) and taketh (you) away (from burning cars)! Mark does it all!

Mary Worth, 11/11/10

If you need proof of how super-lame Adrian is, consider how the scene in panel one, in which her fiance smarmily and obnoxiously invades the personal space of her hateful, critical supposed friend, results in her look of near-religious ecstasy in panel two. “Yay, my man and my best girl friend are finally resolving this conflict that has torn me up inside!” she seems to be saying, when she should think “Jeez, I gotta meet some new people.”

Sadly, from Jill’s whisper-balloon in panel two, it appears that this is not going to be a battle of implacable archetypes who need no motivation other than their own inborn nature, but rather a dispute over, like, love or something. Presumably Jill’s hostility towards Scott and Adrian’s relationship is based in her secret love for the former, and her knowledge that her sharp, strong personality would be a better and more interesting fit for him than bland, boring Adrian. (Normally, it would also be possible that she would be in love with Adrian, but that would be interesting, so it won’t happen.)

Family Circus, 11/11/10

The funniest thing about this to me is the fact that Big Daddy Keane is wearing a completely different set of clothes than his wife and son. “I’ve decided to make dinner tonight!” he announces cheerily. “Does anyone know when ‘tonight’ is? Is it ‘tonight’ right now? I’ve done a lot of meth and I’ve been awake for days!” Billy and Mommy, meanwhile, have been doped up and lolling around the house in the same filthy pajamas, in and out of consciousness, for the better part of the week.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 11/8/10

So why exactly does Adrian put up with Jill pushing her around again? Last week I suggested that it might be because Adrian derives unseemly enjoyment from being pushed around, but we can’t ignore the possibility that it’s just a result of wholly justified fear of violent consequences. After all, today’s strip makes it clear that Jill is in fact a terrifying giantess, looming a full head taller than the normal humans around her, who will always obey her lest their bones be crushed to make her bread.

Like many freakish mega-hominids, Jill is a bit behind the times when it comes to fashions. Jill, simple, low-key designs are what all the snobs are after these days. You aren’t seriously pushing Adrian towards some kind of curlicued frippery, are you? If you’re going to be supercilious, you’ve got to stay on the cutting edge of modern tastes, or you risk becoming ridiculous — more ridiculous than a giantess in a stationery store is normally, even.

Herb and Jamaal, 11/8/10

I like how put out Herb looks in the final panel here. Come on, Jamaal, just because you never talk about the sex afterwards doesn’t mean you have to pretend every time that you’ve never done it before.

Mark Trail, 11/8/10

So Saturday’s excitement resulted from a deer leaping into the road, sacrificing herself to save Mark’s life? Huh. I don’t think any of us were expecting that, although not so much in a “what a surprising but satisfying narrative twist!” way but rather in a “SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL” way.

Post Content

Mark Trail, 11/6/10

Mark Trail generally doesn’t do cliffhangers per se, preferring to let its narrative unspool in a steady, undifferentiated flow of lunacy. But this Saturday strip is enough to get even those sad souls who don’t spend their weekends thinking about Mark Trail eager for Monday’s installment. Future Governor Frank’s 100 percent foolproof scheme to run Mark off the road to his death, an act which nobody could possibly trace back to him unless they thought about what’s happened in this plot so far for more than two or three seconds, seems to have hit a snag. But what could it be that’s elicited such a mega-bolded WHAT TH’– from our crafty politician? Could Mark’s car be sprouting a protective fist of justice, hurtling out of the front grill so powerfully that not even Frank’s half-ton truck will survive impact?

Dennis the Menace, 11/6/10

By promoting the so-called “Daylight Savings Time” that the secret One World Government has imposed upon us to crush free societies everywhere, Dennis has achieved his highest levels of menace yet.