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Mark Trail, 11/6/10

Mark Trail generally doesn’t do cliffhangers per se, preferring to let its narrative unspool in a steady, undifferentiated flow of lunacy. But this Saturday strip is enough to get even those sad souls who don’t spend their weekends thinking about Mark Trail eager for Monday’s installment. Future Governor Frank’s 100 percent foolproof scheme to run Mark off the road to his death, an act which nobody could possibly trace back to him unless they thought about what’s happened in this plot so far for more than two or three seconds, seems to have hit a snag. But what could it be that’s elicited such a mega-bolded WHAT TH’– from our crafty politician? Could Mark’s car be sprouting a protective fist of justice, hurtling out of the front grill so powerfully that not even Frank’s half-ton truck will survive impact?

Dennis the Menace, 11/6/10

By promoting the so-called “Daylight Savings Time” that the secret One World Government has imposed upon us to crush free societies everywhere, Dennis has achieved his highest levels of menace yet.

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Archie, 10/25/10

The lame ostensible joke in today’s Archie is hardly worthy of mention, though I do like the all-purpose “ARCHIE DID IT” frame-up note Coach Whoever is holding in panel one. But I’m intrigued by the scene in panel two, in which we see that the Riverdale team mascot is so committed to his mascotting duties that he stays in his sweaty, claustrophobic fursuit even when there’s no game on and he’s trying to woo the ladies. Perhaps he’s been told that his eyes are his best feature, and he believes that their sexiness will be enhanced if his face is obscured by a fake dog-neck and only his eyes are visible, staring eerily out of an otherwise black slit. He is mistaken.

I suspect that he in fact is the one who framed Archie, since the strip protagonist’s well-known if incomprehensible sex appeal was probably ruining the chances of all the other male-types in the room. This strip also makes this episode from last year even less comprehensible, since the squirrel-man in the background there doesn’t even have the excuse of “Oh, I’m the team mascot” to exist. Perhaps at some point the school board decided that the “Dogs Of Indeterminate Breed” made a more menacing team avatar than the “Insanely Grinning Tree-Rodents.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/25/10

Clearly Tommie’s slightly different haircut is not enough to radically alter her personality, because Aunt Iris is here to loosen her up! This will be fun until we find out that Iris is actually in New York because her home’s been foreclosed and she’s one step ahead of her creditors.

Mark Trail, 10/25/10

While there is literally no way within the laws of physics as we know them to defend against Mark Trail’s fists, it’s actually quite easy to win a battle of wits against him, as he’s a semi-autistic with little understanding of how and why humans behave in the way they do. “What’s that, man who I punched in the face and publicly humiliated just days ago? You want to help me with something? That’s great! How helpful of you! Yes, I will meet you in the ambush-location of your choosing!”

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Dennis the Menace, 10/22/10

Ha ha! It’s funny because Mr. Wilson’s life has been an endless series of disappointments, which is why he’s so angry all the time!

Mark Trail, 10/22/10

Oh, come on, Mark, you get a chance to punch an animal-hating baddie in the face two or three times a year. Don’t expect us to play along like this isn’t a thing that you do, constantly. (“Dear Punching Magazine: I never thought this would happen to me…”)

Pluggers, 10/22/10

I don’t see any DTV converter box anywhere in this panel, so I’m guessing that our poor plugger has been fiddling with the various knobs on that ol’ TV for about 14 months now. Not constantly, obviously; but every once in a while, when he’s feeling particularly bored and lonely, he turns on the old set, sees there’s still nothing but snow on the screen, and jiggers the buttons, thinking this time, maybe this time he’ll get his stories back. And the game. I just want to watch the game in peace, lord, is that so much to ask? Maybe it’s the horizontal. Did I try playing with the horizontal last time? Maybe I didn’t, and this time it’ll work.