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Mark Trail, 10/5/09

It’s becoming increasingly clear that Mark Trail’s clan is part of a network of isolated, hard-working, rural-cabin-based families who don’t get many visitors. Our reluctant poachers actually have more than a passing similarity to his old friends who own Sneaky, except instead of harboring sinister raccoons they just have a cat — a heavily sedated or dead cat, if the limp, compliant way it’s just letting Cindy tote it about is any indication. Anyway, one wonders how they all stay in touch. They could swap rustic livin’ tips on the Internet, or at least they could if any of their rustic shacks were actually connected to municipal electric or phone lines.

There’s something distinctly unsettling about Mark’s quick transition from “Rusty has been complaining about my cooking” to “You’re a beautiful young lady, Cindy!” The best case scenario is that Mark is going to set her to rustling up some grub for his young ward, both as a way to get her accustomed to her womanly duties and to see if she’d make a suitable mate for the lad once they both reach the traditional Lost Forest marital age of 13. But more likely, part of the purpose of this camping trip is to teach Rusty that sometimes when you’re very hungry, you need to eat things that you wouldn’t eat otherwise, and Nature’s Way is to start with the smallest and most feeble. (You’ll notice that we haven’t seen Sassy in a while.)

Dennis the Menace, 10/5/09

Today’s Dennis the Menace offers an amusing set of metaphorical nesting Russian dolls when it comes to absolute and relative chronology. Henry Mitchell is the father of a child who, I’ve always assumed, is in the 6-8-year-old range; obviously there’s an extremely wide range of ages that Henry himself could be based on that, but if pressed, I would place him somewhere between 35 and 45, and probably at the lower end of that scale. So, yes, he’s safely in the generation that spawned the whole “cartoons for grownups” phenomenon, which really took off with the monster success of the Simpsons twenty years ago. Which in turn of course means that Dennis could not possibly remember a time when cartoons were, in fact, for kids.

And yet, Henry goes about his day wearing black pants and a white shirt and a bow tie most of the time, which marks him out as a Stereotypical ’50s Dad, which has him being born in, I dunno, 1920 or so. This makes him about 90 years old, or means that he’s watching the 1955 version of Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Family Guy or whatever (and note that one of the cartoon characters is himself sporting Henry’s trademark outfit) on the DuMont Network.

Apartment 3-G, 10/5/09

Make fun of Dr. P (side note: my new nickname for the Professor is “Dr. P”) all you want, but before I met my wonderful and charming wife, I had a certain attraction to women who were mean, bad, and/or crazy (see also my devotion to Margo Magee), so I can sort of see where he’s coming from here. Pill-addled? Possibly suicidal? Hinting at a troubled, mysterious past? Shouting into the phone at someone who is probably supposed to be bringing her more drugs? Sign me up!

Pluggers, 10/5/09

You know, this cartoon would be a lot less confusing if the sarcastic postal clerk weren’t himself capable of flight. “Sorry, we don’t deliver via carrier pigeon anymore. I mean, I’m a carrier pigeon myself, but … you know, union rules. Now they’ve got me behind this desk, and let me tell you, it’s a drag.”

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Mark Trail, 10/2/09

I just did a quick look-see over the past couple of weeks of Mark Trail and have confirmed my suspicions: other than some vague, shifty talk from Morally Conflicted Bob about “poachers in the area,” nobody has offered Mark any explanation as to how he came to be suddenly unconscious, nor has he attempted to rationalize up one himself. And yet there he is with his classic smug Trailian grin, assuring Rusty that everything’s going to be great. “Rusty, maybe you’ll go to the Dark Place like I did earlier this evening! It’s just like when you go to bed, except sleepier and ouchier! Don’t worry, if it happens to you I won’t let the alligators eat you, probably!”

Mary Worth, 10/2/09

Kudos to faithful readers P and sarahtheawesome for pointing out that “Dr. Good” is almost certainly Dr. Brian Good, star of a rather repulsive Mary Worth plotline from some years back. That story, in a nutshell: Mary urges girl to pursue boy, who is an old and currently married flame, at high school reunion; boy turns out to be divorced; boy and girl make out in parking lot; boy and girl get married, have sex; girl had been convinced of her infertility even before marrying boy, though she didn’t mention it; girl vomits; girl turns out not be infertile, just stupid; girl and boy gaze lovingly into each others eyes forever and ever. As that recap demonstrated, Dr. Brian was very interested in spawning a li’l Good from the get-go, so by “vital areas” he obviously means Scott’s baby-making parts; still, “we did what we could” sounds kind of like an excuse for some awful result. “I mean, I know you love Scott, but it’s never really been the face part of Scott you’re most attached to, right?”

Adrian, meanwhile, is keeping a solid grip on the only thing that can keep her grounded in this troubling time: her chin.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/2/09

Aw, come on, fellers, let’s give up this charade: we all know that Snuffy is illit’rit! He just swiped that newspaper from one of the packing crates down at the store, and is using it in a half-hearted attempt to hide the fact that he’s engagin’ in the Sin of Onan.

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Slylock Fox, 9/29/09

My goodness, it’s been nearly three years since we’ve seen a Six Differences this bleak. In fact, this installment may be even more disturbing: while the previous strip featured a fish dead so long that it had skeletonized, today’s features a fresh corpse that’s just risen to the surface; the still-living fish hasn’t even had time to realize that it’s now sharing a tiny bowl with the floating body of the only friend it’s ever known. More disturbing still is the difference between the two little girls: in the scene on the right, the tyke is shedding a tear for her beloved aquatic pet, but in the left-hand panel she’s merely watching the process of death in wide-eyed fascination. Perhaps her “experiments” are now ready to move up the food chain. Don’t leave your meals or drinks unattended, mom and dad!

Mark Trail, 9/29/09

“They probably thought you were a wildlife ranger … you know, because you wear what appears to be a uniform, you bellow random facts about nature at inappropriate times, and you dish out violence as if you had some sort of law enforcement authority. You can see why the poachers made that mistake! Uh, I mean, I heard that they made that mistake, from other kids. Please don’t punch me!”

Dick Tracy, 9/29/09

So Ringo, having once ratted out his corporate bosses, is now ratting out his carnival underlings; the lesson we are meant to draw appears to be “never trust a whistleblower.” I guess I never expected Dick Tracy to get on board the “Stop Snitchin'” bandwagon, though I suppose learning about crimes from informants denies Dick the fun of beating confessions out of suspects.

Beetle Bailey, 9/29/09

Otto, your continued presence in the barracks is on the line here, so you might want to not openly acknowledge your responsibility for infesting Camp Swampy with vermin.