Apartment 3G, 2/1/07
Ah, Tommie, Tommie. Don’t you know the nondescript, blue-suited brunette guy will only break your heart? The nondescript blonde guy is the way to go, even though he’ll never ring your bell. Blush on, girl – heartbreak ahead!
Mary Worth, 2/1/07
Ah, Mary, Mary. Halfway around the world, and yet you meddle. And Dr. Tran is a damn saint – I’d tear your freakin’ head off.
Mark Trail, 2/1/07
Fastest. Beavers. Ever.
Wow – heavy themes in the midweek soapers. Thank Heaven those frisky beavers are around to distract us from all this sickness ‘n’ death!
Funky Winkerbean, 1/31/07
Cancer Gal is in remission! This “confuses” her: “Wait a minute! I thought I was in Funky Winkerbean!” But take heart, Les: the playground is reopening after a seven-month overhaul: cue the Barry White!
Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/31/07
Be afraid, May – the choice is yours: Emperor Palpatine June in panel two, or Patrick Nagel June in panel three – the choice is yours!
Judge Parker, 1/31/07
You know, Rachel, it’s really inconsiderate of you to die at so inconvenient a time! But I suppose you just weren’t giving any thought to my social plans, were you? Honestly!
Mary Worth, 1/31/07
Words fail: “What’s that, Mary? They don’t have Asian doctors where you are?”
Mark Trail, 1/31/07
Those muskrats got nothin’ on this pair! I hope you learned your lesson, Mr. Dick Morgan – “the animals are always right!”
Mark Trail, 1/23/07
Hmm … “Mark, this is Dick … the beaver we trapped is back!” Oh, close enough. Welcome back into my heart, you crazy beavers! All is forgiven!
I love Mark’s goofy, heavy-lidded grin in the final panel. “Yeah, that Dick … he’ll shoot a beaver, all right … no warning … those kids should be worried … he’d shoot the kids too … Rusty and … the other one … the little girl … what’s her name … oh, Christ, I am so wasted.”
Gil Thorp, 1/23/07
Ah, it’s another fabulous Gil Thorp crowd scene, this time brought to you by M.C. Escher. The Lady Mudlarks’ five fans are in full effect, showing their apathetic love in the center of the yawning, featureless abyss that is the Milford gymnasium. Lisa’s mom, who is usually right, apparently thinks that only her patented wacky Mussolini impression will get this crowd fired up. That having failed, in panel two she manages to bend the nature of reality itself, and Blondie McBuzzcut looks up in confused terror as she manages to get her arm in front of his face in defiance of ordinary spatial dynamics.
Speaking of panel two, Person Of Indeterminate Gender Wearing A Fur-Trimmed Jacket And Hat Even Though He Or She Is Inside is back! It’s good to see that Lady Mudlark fever is chronic, if not infectious.
I might be more hip to the nuances of the thrilling “But…” in panel three if I were more intimately acquainted with the meanings of high school basketball referee hand signals. But all in all, I’m pretty glad I’m not.
Spider-Man, 1/23/07
Spidey’s been in the midst of a wholly uncharacteristic crime-fighting spree this week, but don’t worry: it’s just a cover-up for his usual whiny marital angst. I’m not sure how you pronounce “?”, but I can guess why he’s trying; I don’t think any member of the actual criminal element has used the phrase “plugged nickel” in, well, ever.
Pluggers, 1/23/07
No. No. If some aspect of being a plugger is contingent on being literate, then … everything I know about how the world works is meaningless.