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Mark Trail, 7/10/06

SAY, MARK! IT’S REALLY POLITE OF YOU AND RANGER RICK TO THINK OF US AND SHOUT YOUR DIALOGUE SO WE CAN HEAR IT! I’M ASSUMING THAT’S WHY YOU’RE YELLING WHILE YOU’RE TALKING, EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE ONLY INCHES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER UP IN THAT TREE! IT SORT OF MAKES ME FEEL UNGRATEFUL TO POINT OUT THAT THROUGH THE MAGIC OF CARTOONING, WE CAN “HEAR” YOU JUST FINE, EVEN THOUGH OUR PERSPECTIVE IS QUITE FAR AWAY FROM YOU! BUT REALLY, THANKS FOR BEING SO THOUGHTFUL!

OH, AND I THINK THE BEAR IS TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT HE’S GOING TO ENJOY KILLING AND EATING YOU WHEN YOU GET DOWN FROM THAT TREE, AS YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO EVENTUALLY! JUST A GUESS, THOUGH!

Those of you enraptured by Mark Trail’s giant talking animals (and who isn’t, really?) will enjoy this drinking game over at the Deadspin sports blog.

For Better Or For Worse, 7/10/06

I think I speak for everyone everywhere when I say that I hope this is (a) karmic retribution for the Pattersons Junior allowing their little squallers to run wild and disturb the peaceful Kelpforths in their quiet cigar-smoking repose and (b) the beginning of Mike’s slow descent into madness. I might point out that Deanna seems to have been able to sleep just fine through the tinkling and the tonkling, but not through her husband’s lunatic overreaction to it, yet miraculously she didn’t punch him in the throat or anything. I might also point out that Mrs. C. has problems of her own in regards to sleeping through fan noise (though for her it’s less TINKLE TONKLE TINKLE TONK and more CLICK CLICK WHIRRR); however, rather than wrapping the fan in scotch tape like some sort of crazy person, she just makes me turn it off.

The Lockhorns, 7/10/06

Sometimes the Lockorns is just so much about unadulterated mutual loathing that it takes my breath away. Look at the way they’re glaring at each other with undisguised contempt. Roast rage is on the menu every night at Casa Lockhorn, along with buttered bile and fried green hate.

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Well, the suspense is over and I’ve picked the winner. I have to say that it was incredibly hard and part of the reason that I’ve taken so long to pick the winner is that they were all so good. In a very real sense, you’re all winners! But in an even realer sense, only one of you is the winner, and that one of you is “Lucy Van Pelt,” whose entry just seemed to exude a certain je ne sais Margo to me. For mug purposes, I’ve filled in her word balloon:

And yes, this mug is now available at my store at CafePress! Click here to order yours! Lucy herself will of course be getting a free mug in the mail.

In addition, as promised, Dave Willis‘s super-awesome Margo Warhol graphic is going on a t-shirt:

The colors of this graphic seem to work perfectly with CafePress’s new black t-shirt. They’ve just introduced black tees at CafePress and say they can’t guarantee delivery times. Hopefully it won’t take too long, as I’m definitely ordering one of these for myself!

Again, judging this contest was really, really hard for me, and of course my final decision was to a certain extent arbitrary. Perhaps you’d like to see one of the other contestants on a mug or garment of your choice! If so, just e-mail me and I’ll send you a high-quality image of any of the other photos and drawings submitted. (Here’s the lot of them, for reference.) You can then upload them to CafePress yourself and make your own counter-winner. You’ll stick it to the man! (Meaning me.)

Since I was updating my store anyway, I took the opportunity to do a little housecleaning. I’ve added a couple of new shirt styles. The first is for anyone who loves double entendres and public domain clip art.

Work it, people, work it! (If this baffles you, click here and scroll down for the context for this quote.) This shirt is available for the gents and the ladies.

And, finally, if you want to cement your status as an above-it-all hipster with a t-shirt bearing an incomprehensible slogan, check this out:

Wear this shirt to remind you where to find more information about licorice. (Again, you can click here to learn more about learning more about licorice, but it doesn’t make a ton more sense in context.) This t-shirt is great fun for a boy or a girl.

There are still classic Comics Curmudgeon garments at the store, of course: Brick House exercise gear, a Fence Post Frank hat, Canadian Jive-Talkin’ intimate wear, and, of course, “More Zippers, Mule!” Check it out!

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Mary Worth, 6/30/06

You’d think that with all the years he’s spent trying to get into Mary’s comfortable slacks, Jeff would be better at translating Passive-Aggresive into English by now. Clearly, when it comes out of the mouth of someone who views going downtown as some sort of journey into the heart of darkness, the phrase “I wish I could join you on your trip” really means “Thank God I’m not going with you to whatever cholera-ridden Oriental hellhole you’ve decided to throw your life away in.” When a childless retiree who has nothing better to do than meddle in the extremely piddling affairs of others tells a doctor who’s taking time off from his lucrative practice to help children in Cambodia that she has “responsibilities,” that’s just cold.

I’m not sure where exactly Mary and Jeff are driving around having this little chat, but clearly the first “responsibility” that Mary has to attend to is to convince the youth of Santa Royale to stop growing little beatnik beards and tuck their damn shirts in.

Crankshaft, 6/30/06

Meanwhile, Crankshaft appears to be about death and farting.

Sally Forth, 6/30/06

Sally Forth is blatantly about hot, hot hammock sex.

Mark Trail, 6/30/06

And in Mark Trail, somebody’s about to get eaten by a bear. Why is it that I find this hilarious in Mark Trail but not in Gasoline Alley? I dunno, man, but I sure do.