Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 8/19/18

Man, I’ve been asked to believe some improbable things about Dennis Mitchell in my time — that he’s six and allowed to roam unsupervised around the neighborhood, that his parents talk smack about other adults in front of him somehow not anticipating that he will immediately spill the beans when he meets said other adults, that he wears literally the exact same clothes every day and hasn’t been diagnosed with a serious personality disorder or reported to child protective services, etc. But I absolutely refuse to go along with the idea that Dennis can distinguish between different types of jazz, and moreover prefers some types to others! I won’t have it, do you hear me? I won’t!

Panel from Slylock Fox, 8/19/18

Wait, how is this Weirdly-bot getting power? Has the kooky Count developed some form of perpetual motion machine, or perhaps an engine that can derive electricity from the air or ambient light? Once again, the lede is extremely buried.

Mark Trail, 8/19/18

Mark, I have to disagree with you: I think the relative harmlessness of snakes sounds like a delightful topic for breakfast conversation! Nothing like shoving cereal down your food hole, maintaining unbroken eye contact with your partner, and saying, “Look, I know hognose snakes are venomous, but they aren’t likely to pose any serious threat to human beings. So go ahead and pick it up! What are you, a baby?”

Post Content

Six Chix, 8/17/18

The best thing about today’s Six Chix is the knowing smile on the bartender’s face. She’s thinking, “Heh heh, this guy’s right, and it’s great to work in a place where you get the ‘inside scoop’ from people who can provide insights you might not have thought of yourself!” The worst thing is everything else, it’s a horror-nightmare in which gigantic, sloppy-drunk fly-monster from some hell-dimension is yelling out of its uncanny proboscis at the television about one of the current administration’s dumber ongoing storylines.

Mark Trail, 8/17/18

Oh, hey, remember earlier this week when I couldn’t remember who Becky was? Well, it turns out she’s Dr. Carter’s assistant, who we all thought was a diligent archaeologist who insisted on cataloging every artifact they discovered for future scientific study, but in fact is running an artifact smuggling ring! I mean, if you consider walking ten feet away from a tour group in a different temple than the one you found the artifacts in and then pulling an ancient artifact out of a sack and handing it to some other dude who also has a sack a “ring.”

Mary Worth, 8/17/18

Haha, check out Brandy’s face! That is definitely 100% the face of someone who completely believes in her boyfriend and believes in us too! Yep, gonna be smooth sailing from here on out.

Crankshaft, 8/17/18

If you ever wonder what it’s like running the most popular newspaper comics blog on the internet, imagine looking at this Crankshaft comic and thinking to yourself, “Is there a joke here? Is it supposed to be character-driven, like we’re supposed to have enough of a feel for Max’s personality that we think it’s funny he did this? Or maybe it’s … wordplay of some kind,” and then you say the phrase “Max Axelrod loves my arugula” out loud, to nobody, in your home office, multiple times, and finally you just throw it up on your website and say I DUNNO, MAN

Post Content

Shoe, 8/13/18

As near as I can tell, “My wife doesn’t understand me” is a set phrase that, whether it was ever used in real life or not, is generally understood in fiction to be the opening line of a man talking to someone with whom he’s looking to cheat on his wife. (The funny pages’ beloved Hagar the Horrible has used it in exactly that way, for instance.) But while it’s certainly possible that Senator Belfrey is trying to hit on this extremely put-upon bartender, he’s generally been depicted in this strip as grotesquely heterosexual, so I guess we’re meant to understand that he’s not deploying this phrase with ulterior motives in mind, but is genuinely trying to unburden himself and talk about the real emotional void in this life right now with a man he considers a friend. And that’s great, not only because I like to see depictions of people working through their issues in a thoughtful and constructive way, but also because otherwise he’d be trying to fuck this guy’s dog, or his liver.

Mark Trail, 8/13/18

Guys, I genuinely cannot tell you what the hell’s happening in Mark Trail right now, but it involves Rusty and Mara going to join a tour group at some other temple that’s not the same temple as the creepy and mysterious temple they were at earlier, and then trying and failing to get Becky’s attention. (This is just a side note, but, real talk: I have no idea who Becky is.) Anyway, I’m kind of in awe of today’s strip, which is dedicated entirely to Red-Hot It’s Weird That Becky Couldn’t Hear Us Action, and I hope it’s a setup for a plot where Rusty and Mara have been transported to some spirit realm by the evil forces residing in one or more of these temples, and that they are fated to drift as insubstantial shades through the world, seeing but not being seen, but probably Becky just couldn’t hear them for some reason that’s never going to be explained adequately.