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Luann, 9/21/06

How much of a loser is Brad DeGroot? Well, I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t exactly have a strong internal sense of interior design, so his enthusiasm for the house must be based entirely on its present decor. And since this has been Mrs. Horner’s house for about ever, we can assume that it’s done up more or less like a home in a TDIET panel. (And let’s say nothing of the old lady smell.) This, then, is Brad’s dream crib. “Oh, the textured olive-green rug in the living room really goes nicely with the matching green glass chandelier, and … ooh, look! Hummels!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/21/06

Boy, I’m beginning to see why Rex might want to find comfort in the arms of another. Hmmm, you were held hostage at gunpoint for the better part of an afternoon? BORRR-ing! But wait! I have to make a few phone calls to my credit card companies? DAMN YOU, MYSTERIOUS PURSE-SNATCHER! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL! June’s so angry she appears to be transforming into a Bratz™ doll in panel three.

So, where do you all think the Rex Morganians are going with this? My guess: Identity theft! Proving once and for all that June Morgan is no plugger.

Marmaduke, 9/21/06

I couldn’t tell you why, exactly, but this image is for me by far the most unsettling one in the comics today. I suppose that’s supposed to be a trap door (that Marmadue opened from the inside?) but to me it looks like an arbitrary chunk of ceiling that’s been mysteriously removed so that the sinister Great Dane can just stare down at his owners with his huge, soulless eyes.

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For Better Or For Worse, 9/5/06

I’m sure there’s going to be plenty of time to discuss at great length Liz’s sanctimoniousness (faithful commentor fillmoreeast memorably referred to her as the “White Guilt Fairy”). For now, I’d just to point out that she’s awfully smug for someone who appears to have fallen under the spell of technology-assisted learning pretty much instantly. “All right kids, I’m going ask you a single question, which won’t require any kind of creative or analytical thinking on your part, before I turn on the TV. Now watch this damn tape about … I dunno … the environment or some crap. And watch it quietly. Just because I have my head down on my desk doesn’t mean I can’t hear you.”

By the way, Liz, Canada’s longest river is the Mackenzie, which for its entire length flows through … the Northwest Territories. Thus, it crosses no provinces at all. I learned this the old-fashioned way: on the Internet.

Judge Parker, 9/5/06

Oh my God, Raju, don’t wait for the clothes — you’re clearly irresistible to somebody. Look at the way she’s staring soulfully into your eyes! Kiss her, you fool, before the moment’s gone!

I’ve always been too distracted by the fright-wig craziness going on at the top of Abbey’s head to really notice the long, luxurious locks cascading down the back. She may be the wealthiest woman in America sporting a Manic Panic she-mullet.

Mark Trail, 9/5/06

Honestly, we’ve learned this already, But Molly the bear really needs to learn to express affection in some way other than french kissing. Here, she runs afoul of the moose-kangaroo hybrids that have escaped their secret government breeding compounds and are ranging free in Lost Forest.

Marmaduke, 9/5/06

There is entirely too much ass in today’s Marmaduke.

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Marmaduke, 8/1/06

You ever think that maybe male poodles (who by my guess make up about half the poodle population) get tired of the poodle being the epitome of sexy cartoon dog femininity? It’s not their fault if they have to have the girly haircuts. On the other hand, how do I know that all these randy dogs lined up on the couch are boy dogs looking for some lady dog tail? This could be a big doggie buffet of canine polymorphous perversion. I saw a dog hump an ottoman once, so they can’t really be that discriminating.

Dick Tracy, 8/1/06

Al Kinda, who so far has proved to be al Qaeda’s most incompetent terrorist mastermind, manages to pull off something special in panel two: history’s longest-distance pistol-whipping. Seriously, I don’t think that Capitol cop got within ten feet of that gun. Maybe after the Cynthia McKinney incident, the Capitol Police are all just taking a dive whenever anyone swings something cell-phone sized at them, just to keep the media circus to a minimum. Or maybe Kinda’s wacky outfits have something to do with his abilities to work spooky Levantine magic.

Get Fuzzy, 8/1/06

Considering this is Bucky, he’s being remarkably thoughtful by doing it in the bathroom. More than I can say for some rubber-band eating cats I know and live with.