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Marvin, 12/19/12

All week, Marvin has been expressing his thoughts via standard word balloons rather than thought bubbles, which might mean something momentous except I assumed that it was just more Marvin splapdashery, where small details change constantly because who cares. BUT today Marvin seems to have suddenly made the leap from rudimentary verbalization to full-on literacy! Naturally this is just another opportunity for him to express his insatiable greed. I might also note that, much as I celebrate and indeed depend economically on the written word, I still think that the appropriate order for gaining life skills is (1) learn to go to the bathroom in a toilet, then (2) learn to read and write.

Archie, 12/19/12

The Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 doesn’t exactly know what noises biological lifeforms make when ingesting other biomatter for nutrition and energizing purposes, but it’s pretty sure that they’re repulsive.

Pluggers, 12/19/12

A plugger walk down memory lane is literally a walk to the grave! THIS IS THE #8 PLUGGERS OF 2012, TUNE IN OVER THE NEXT TWO WEEKS FOR OUR COUNTDOWN TO ULTIMATE HORROR

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Wizard of Id, 12/13/12

If there’s one thing I took away from my failed attempt at becoming a historian (other than a failed attempt to become a historical romance novelist), it was a tendency to overthink comics set in the past. I’ve mused at great length about the historical setting for Hagar the Horrible, but generally haven’t bothered with the Wizard of Id because it’s such a weird mishmosh of vaguely medieval tropes. I actually hadn’t given much thought until today about the co-existence of Id’s occasionally seen Catholic establishment and the Wizard’s dark magic, but I’m intrigued to learn that the Idish (Idian?) men of Christ view the Wiz’s dark magic in what’s probably a fairly historically accurate manner. Presumably Brother Whosit here sees himself like Elijah going up against the priests of Baal, or like Jesus Himself, curing a poor soul of the demons that afflict him. Little does he know that the the Wiz contains worse evil than even the foulest spawn of hell. We can only imagine the scene of insanely violent spiritual slaughter that takes place after the third panel here.

Marvin, 12/13/12

Meanwhile, Marvin has gotten all hopped on Arminianism and believes that, just because God created him complete with free will, he answers to no earthly authority. Look for him to be getting a possibly misspelled “Only God Can Judge Me” prison tattoo before his 25th birthday.

Apartment 3-G, 12/13/12

Man, this is one of the cheapest, most transparent “drag out the drama” techniques in the soap opera strip’s arsenal, and yet I’m totally drawn in by it! Arrrgh, why can’t Lu Ann go to Margo’s Christmas party? Is she a Jehovah’s Witness now? Will she be busy having her face smooched by Greg, who seemed on the verge of becoming her boyfriend but then didn’t, I don’t think? I CAN’T HANDLE THE SUSPENSE!!!

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Marvin, 11/15/12

Mary Worth, 11/15/12

Family Circus, 11/15/12

Spider-Man, 11/15/12

Lockhorns, 11/15/12

Scabs, again?

Oh God I am so profoundly sorry.

— Uncle Lumpy