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Gil Thorp, 11/8/07

“Gentlemen, I’ve just heard from the athletic director. It seems that in this so-called sport of ‘football’, you’re supposed to accumulate more points than the opposite team, and your quarterback isn’t supposed to wildly hurl the ball in the direction of the opposing players. We’ve been doing this all wrong, apparently. Who knew?”

I’m not sure where Cully and his thuggish friends are stopping for a snack. It appears to be a bookstore of some sort, albeit one with a sliding glass door. Perhaps they plan to show their hatred for learning and knowledge of all kinds by eating the books rather than reading them.

Also of note today are a pair of classic Gil Thorp back-of-the-head oh-my-God-I-don’t-think-those-people-have-any-faces shots of dudes with wildly inappropriate earrings.

Mark Trail, 11/8/07

Hey, Johnny, maybe if you had gone and helped your son rather than spending the afternoon carefully waxing your mustache out to Kaiser Wilhelm-esque proportions, he wouldn’t be in this mess. Presumably Malotte père plans to punish the boy by tying him to a set of railroad tracks.

Family Circus, 11/8/07

From: The Comics Curmudgeon
To: The Family Circus
Re: Today’s cartoon

Here is a (non-comprehensive) list of things I do not want to see or see discussed in any future installments of your feature:

• Spanking
• Ass-padding that mitigates the discomfort of spanking
• Edible ass-padding that mitigates the discomfort of spanking
• Little Jeffy attempting to eat an enormous marshmallow that is larger than his mouth

I thank you for your time.

Marvin, 11/8/07

So, we can make jokes in the newspaper about babies urinating on people’s faces now? For real? Mavin’s smug facial expression really pushes this one over the edge for me. It’s like he’s saying “Oh yeah, dad, I’m going to piss all over your face. Yeah. It’s gonna be awesome.”

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Dick Tracy, 10/25/07

I’m going to ignore the concept of an old haunted house with a bad reputation (as opposed to the many old haunted houses haunted by jovial, friendly ghosts who give back rubs and offer stock tips) as garden-variety Dick Tracy madness. But I am intrigued by the mortgage default angle here. Is Dick Tracy going to be the first comic (other than Hi and Lois, which was much more oblique about it) to cover the bursting housing bubble and subprime mortgage collapse? Will this storyline end with Detective Tracy pumping hot lead into some bank loan office while growling “That’s one loan you never should have underwritten”? Stay tuned!

Mark Trail, 10/25/07

OK NOW? NOW WILL THIS FREAKIN’ DUCK STORYLINE END? NOW? Anyway, word of advice to Homer: stay the hell away from those ducks. Their aberrant, freakish coloring indicates that they’re hideous mutants and thus almost certainly highly radioactive. Plus, they’re not really your “family.” They’re ducks. They’re barely aware of your existence. They’ll completely ignore you if someone shows up with a loaf of bread, and when they decide to fly off — which they will — no thoughts of your lumpy face and bandage-wrapped noggin will ever cross their tiny, pea-sized brains again. Sorry, that’s just the way it is. And frankly, that’s pretty much the way it’s going to be with your human children as well.

Marvin, 10/25/07

I kind of love the expression on Marvin’s friend’s face here. He looks like someone who’s just been acquainted with the messy details of human reproduction. “Wait, dad did WHAT to mom’s WHAT? And then he did WHAT? And now a baby’s going to come out of WHAT? Oh, hell no.”

Pluggers, 10/25/07

ALERT! ALERT! A PLUGGER IN SECTOR 7-G HAS IDENTIFIED HERSELF AS “FUN-LOVING”! PLEASE INCREASE THE PERVASIVE SOUL-CRUSHING SENSE OF AWFULNESS IN THAT SECTOR AT ONCE! NO PLUGGER IS PERMITTED TO EXPERIENCE SO-CALLED “FUN”!

(By the way, if you have no idea what the hell this is about, it’s about this, and, by extension, probably this. But it’s Pluggers, so really who the hell knows.)

They’ll Do It Every Time, 10/25/07

Comics Curmudgeon readers are either all cranks or really good at coming up with little real-life ironies that appeal to Al Scaduto — or both! Anyway, “Gaylord Fields” is really faithful reader HBGlord! His explanation of the circumstances behind this strip is much funnier than any commentary I could come up with:

Like literally everything that has ever run in TDIET, the inspiration was real life. Sitting in bed at 4 a.m. fuming after the now-recorded-for-posterity incident unfolded, I looked over at my lovely wife and saw her morph into none other than Migraina! At that moment a light-bulb appeared over my head (which also didn’t help me get back to sleep). I’m sure that’s exactly how great writers like Hemingway got their inspiration to, well, not so much create classic literary works as much as blow their brains out.

Finally, unrelated to anything but something you need to read: Shaenon Garrity has figured out the deal with Funky Winkerbean. (And if you like that essay, you’ll probably want to read her seminal “Why I Hate Anthony” if you haven’t already.)

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/4/07

I suppose I’m expected to say something about this, right? God damn, you know, I got into this gig to make jokes about Rex Morgan’s sex life and stuff. Well, if I had to sum it up, I’d have to say:

I don’t hate it.

I don’t hate it on principle, for starters. I don’t believe that the comics, or the newspaper comics in particular, should be a all-fun death-free zone. And, to touch on a specific aspect that seems to have pressed a lot of buttons: I’m a big proponent of quality-of-life decisions in medical care. I think that, if given the option of adding a few extra months to your life at the price of constant pain, “no” is a legitimate answer.

In a bigger sense, as I noted in a quote in a newspaper story whose author was nice enough to solicit my opinion like I’m some kind of expert, I’m in favor of comics artists deciding to do things that are kind of ambitious. Whatever my thoughts are on the execution of this, my esteem for it is boosted by its context: it sits in the middle of a section of the paper full of “legacy” strips now produced by committee, whose tired punchlines seem quite often to be literally phoned in. This series was undeniably trying at something a little grander.

As for the execution of the storyline, to me it was kind of hit and miss: some of it was really affecting, and some was pretty tin-eared. That quality has been on ample display over the past few weeks. There was a lot of this final sequence that I found quite moving, but then, hey! It’s weird cheesy Phantom of the Opera/“Puttin’ on the Ritz” guy! It kind of, um, spoiled the mood for me a bit.

But in the end, the decision for this storyline to go the way it did didn’t shock or upset me because of the other context it exists in, namely Funky Winkerbean itself. Honestly, this is the strip with the missing arms and the alcoholism and the murdered fathers and the infertility and the hey hey. You want to know what FW plot really pissed me off? Harry Dinkle going deaf. Because in real life, people get cancer, people get second bouts of cancer, and people die from it, all for no good reason. But when you get ironic, O. Henry style afflictions — well, that just seems needlessly cruel.

That’s all just my opinion, of course. And one thing I do appreciate is all of you commentors who have been sharing your opinions — and your really touching and harrowing stories — over the past little while. The comments on yesterday’s post are particularly worth reading. Whether you think this outpouring is because of the strip or in spite of it, I’m touched that you chose my blog as a place to share this stuff.

For Better Or For Worse, 10/4/07

Meanwhile, Grandpa Jim: totally not dead, FYI. Ha ha, old man, you thought it’d be easy to get out of this strip? You were wrong — dead wrong!

But you’re not dead. Just to make that clear.

Crock, 10/4/07

This is the first Crock I’ve genuinely and non-ironically laughed at in about ever. It’s about the fact that Crock only shows the slightest bit of consideration towards other living things if it somehow forwards his interests or his appetites; as a bonus, there’s an undertone of cannibalism. I began to worry that I might be kind of mean spirited.

Marvin, 10/4/07

But then I was appalled at this comic, which is about putting babies in prison, so I felt better about myself.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/4/07

That final panel isn’t artsy visual narrative, or a metaphor for Rex’s dual nature, or anything like that. It’s actually offering us a look into Rex Morgan’s head, wherein lies … another, slightly smaller, Rex Morgan head. And what’s inside that Rex Morgan head? You’ve got it: yet another Rex Morgan head. It’s like those damn nesting Russian dolls, only with Rex Morgan heads.

Oh, and they can all talk, apparently. Damn creepy.

Herb and Jamaal, 10/4/07

Actually, Herb, he’s a 16th century writer, but what’s 1,200 years in the grand scheme of things? We shouldn’t let minor details detract from your achievement: you just managed to use an entirely irrelevant quotation that you got out of Bartlett’s to justify to yourself the fact that you’re a crappy friend. Bravo!