Archive: Mary Worth

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Mary Worth, 6/12/22

The thing about Mary Worth, the character, as well as Mary Worth, the strip, is that they are both very moralistic in tone but their actual morality is often pretty flexible. One of the very first storylines featured on this blog involved Mary telling her friend Anna to pursue an old flame at her high school reunion, even though he was now married. Fortunately, he turned out to be recently divorced so that he and Anna could almost immediately get married themselves, but the point is that you’d think Mary’s in favor of couples staying together, but Mary might be like “Hmm … what this? A young woman who refers to Princess Leia as ‘Leia Organa’ and quotes from the one of the movies from the new trilogy that normal people stopped thinking about immediately after it ended? She seems like a fine match for Jared! All I have to do now is mention that his current girlfriend is freak-dancing with anyone who asks down at Rock It to speed this process along!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/12/22

Well, we sure were enjoying that storyline for a bit about a guy who wanted to be a superhero, which we think of as a noble pursuit, but then it turns out he was a crazy person, which maybe shouldn’t have been a surprise given the whole “wanted to be a superhero” thing. However, in addition to thinking that you can cure crime with surgery, the Street Sweeper also bought some extremely cheap handcuffs that may have just been part of a “hot cop” costume from Party City, so I think a lot of our philosophical questions are about to get resolved, at gunpoint.

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Mary Worth, 6/4/22

Whenever Jared appears in this strip, he inspires intense loathing in both me and, based on your comments, all of you, and one of the fascinating things about Mary Worth is that it’s never clear if that’s the intended effect. Like, normal people recognize Jared as a needy, petulant, emotionally manipulative “nice guy,” but are we supposed to view him as such, or is he actually just an unappreciated sad sack worthy of love, and worthy of Dawn’s love in particular? Well, I kind of feel like today’s strip, in which Dawn goes clubbing with strange men like a whore while Jared gently consoles a victim of domestic violence, answers the question, and I’m excited that we’re all going to get the outcome we’ve been begging for (Dawn and Jared breaking up) but only because Dawn isn’t good enough for him.

Gil Thorp, 6/4/22

Wow, huh, so we’ve spent this entire spring focused on Gregg’s little blindness problem and finally we have a solution to it: get better glasses. Glasses, everybody! Why didn’t we think of that? You know, weirdly there hasn’t been a girl’s softball B-plot this year, and I think it may be because the Lady Mudlarks are too smart to be in this strip.

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Mary Worth, 6/3/22

You know, Dawn, you rally ought to listen to your friend Cathy. She’s got a lot of common sense! Thanks to faithful reader Rita Lake who dug up some old links, we now know that she’s really matured a lot since 2011, when she said Dawn was lucky to have Wilbur as a dad, a perfectly insane statement even when delivered in the context of Cathy’s dad being dead. She’s also really matured a lot — and by “matured a lot” I mean “completely physically transformed” — since the time she interrupted Dawn’s sexually obsessive thoughts about her art history prof back in 2015. It’s possible that this isn’t the same Cathy? Maybe Dawn only allows herself to have one female friend at a time, and they always have to be named Cathy, but other than that she’s open to a lot of different possibilities.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/3/22

“I mean, this guy prescribed Cosentyx® for me like a pro. I didn’t even have to ask about it like they said in the TV ad, he already had a bunch of pens and notepads and stuff around the office with the name all over them. It’s … mostly cleared up now, I guess? Anyway, he seems like the kind of guy who could handle a delicate hostage negotiation, based on that one interaction I had with him.”

Beetle Bailey, 6/3/22

Look, I don’t pretend to be entirely sure what’s going on here, but the important thing is that Sarge is finally going to pay for his crimes of cartoonishly overwrought violence, in prison.