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Gil Thorp, 6/2/22

So Gregg wore his dumb mask, the opposing team figured out he was blind and peppered him with bunts, and now he’s real depressed and giving up even the pretense that he’s a teenager. “Look at my hair!” he shouts. “I’m an old man! The only reason I’d go to the park is to yell at the young women about how they should dress more decently in public!”

Mary Worth, 6/2/22

Speaking of dressing indecently, oh my goodness, after a dull few days when Dawn and Jared endlessly rehashed his intense insecurity about the fact that she looked at another boy at the zoo and coming to what seemed like a boring consensus about how it was nothing and nobody should fret about it, Dawn is now going to Da Club behind Jared’s back, because their relationship is in fact extremely unhealthy! The last time we saw Dawn out at what I assume is Santa Royale’s hottest and noisiest goth club, she was there with her art history professor and surprised her dad’s ex while wearing this truly incredible outfit. Tonight’s ensemble, with just a hint of bondage around the décolletage, is somewhat more subtle, but I still appreciate the occasional forays into Dawn Fashion to help me keep up with what the kids are into these days. Anyway, does her friend … have a nose? A whole nose? It looks like she might not, right? And her name is Cathy? Hmmmmmmm?

Funky Winkerbean, 6/2/22

The joke here is that the boy waited till after graduation to ask out the girl so there’s no time for them to really form a relationship before they go away to college, but I think this strip would be funnier if she actually just decided she didn’t like him and instead of politely riding out the next few hours is telling him repeatedly that there will be no date #2.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/2/22

Oh, man, I certainly hope they don’t call Rex until the Sunday strip, because we’re gonna need a lot of panels for his ponderous, exasperated sigh.

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Beetle Bailey, 5/27/22

I’m trying to figure out what “cave” would even mean in this context, in which they’ve clearly all been marching so long that it’s not like turning around and going back would do any good. Does “cave” mean … dying? Is Sarge going to march his soldiers out to the desert, to die, scolding them for dying all the while? You have to admit that this would be an extremely metal way for Beetle Bailey to end.

Hi and Lois, 5/27/22

Not sure exactly what’s going on here, but I would actually enjoy this if Hi had decided that this could be a simultaneously very ostentatious and very wholesome way to quit his job.

Mary Worth, 5/27/22

Damn, Dawn’s not even going to wait until she gets to the computer lab to start letting her eyes wander, huh? This dude looks like the strong, silent type who doesn’t know a single fact about mountain lions and if he did would politely keep it to himself unless asked about it directly.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/26/22

The only thing menacing here is that Dennis is six years old and should only have the vaguest idea of what “radio” is, and he certainly shouldn’t know that it had a pre-TV heyday. What is Mr. Wilson filling his head with on those constant next-door visits? Is he getting the poor boy hooked on nostalgia, the deadliest drug of all?

Hi and Lois, 5/26/22

Hi and Lois may have moved their family to the most white-bread suburb there is, but clearly they’ve been letting the kids get on the computer or something, and they’ve learned “ethnic” words and are now experimenting with “big city” foods. Is it time to go full Keane Kompound?

Mary Worth, 5/26/22

“So I can smother you with it while you sleep, Jesus Christ”