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Mary Worth, 10/8/20

[Reads panel one] Well, Tommy, I think it’s admirable you’re moving forward into this difficult conversation by openly talking about your own feelings and being vulnerable about what the stakes here are are for you emotionally, and [gets to panel two] NOOO TOMMY NO ABORT ABORT ABORT

Mark Trail, 10/8/20

That’s right, you simpering fools! You dared cross Mark and now you understand your terrible mistake! Now you must shower him with apologies! Praise! Money! Only if he cracks a smile will you know that you have returned to his good graces! Keep trying! Try harder!

Beetle Bailey, 10/8/20

Looks like the troops from Camp Swampy are going to be deployed to Afghanistan! Not sure if this means that the Afghan peace process is going well or really, really badly.

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Mary Worth, 10/6/20

Sorry for not alerting everybody to the fact that Tommy proposed to Brandy using an onion ring yesterday, because I found it maudlin and predictable and also it rips off a bit from the Simpsons. But Brandy letting Tommy down not-so-gently by saying “Hey, we’re just having fun here, why ruin everything with labels, you know?”, presumably triggering a relapse into addiction and/or crime? I promise to keep you breathlessly up to date on developments.

Dick Tracy, 10/6/20

We temporarily step away from Dick tracking down deadly vampire cosplayers to bring you Sam laughing uproariously at a new comic in the Neo-Chicago Tribune! See, it’s funny because this guy kills people for the government, but nobody gets to kill him. This strip’s gonna be hit around the precinct!

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Blondie, 9/29/20

We are all, of course, concerned about the amount of time that Elmo, a child, spends with Dagwood Bumstead, an adult with whom he does not live and is not related. Today it looks like Blondie and Dagwood have come up with a sensible solution to the problem: if Elmo wants to talk with them about, say, getting unwanted attention from someone at school, a subject best handled by his parents and his teachers, they will interact with him out on their front sidewalk, respond only with nonspecific noises, and under no circumstances allow him into the house.

Mary Worth, 9/29/20

“Like, just imagine if my husband and I loved each other! Pretty crazy world that would be, huh?”