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Dustin, 7/22/24

To me, this feels very much like a strip that was originally going to do some kind of wordplay on the polysemic nature of “alarmed” — “it was alarmed” … “the door was alarmed?” … “no, [something funnier] was alarmed” — but then gave up on figuring out what [something funnier] might be and just did a “quiet quitting” joke instead with out even going back and reworking the dialogue that led up to it. Frankly, I kind of enjoy the idea that the narrative voice for Dustin (the comic strip) has boundless contempt for Dustin (the character) and yet both do the most half-assed job possible in any situation.

Mary Worth, 7/22/24

Love the way Mary is holding her hands at the ready in the second panel. She’s prepared to clap if these two manage to actually do a good job with this song, but she hasn’t been fully convinced yet.

Suburban Fairy Tales, 7/22/24

Don’t worry, Little Pig #2! Hay fever is the layperson’s term for allergy-induced rhinitis, and it is not contagious. I guess this sort of ignorance of the respiratory system explains why you built a feeble house made of out of sticks despite your primary predator using his powerful lungs as a hunting mechanism.

[HA HA WHOOPS I MISREAD THIS BECAUSE MY BRAIN WAS ALREADY WRITING THIS JOKE AS I WAS PROCESSING THE SENTENCE, SORRY EVERYBODY I AM ASHAMED]

Gil Thorp, 7/22/24

I think we can agree that doctors and cops are, if not jocks, then at least jock-adjacent, which it was why it was groundbreaking when characters from Rex Morgan, M.D. and Dick Tracy did the nerdiest thing possible (go to a comics convention). But now, with this wacky Gil Thorp summer storyline, we’re going to see pure unadulterated jock-nerd convergence. God help us all!

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Mary Worth, 7/19/24

The idea that Mary lacks self-confidence is, of course, absurd. What may be surprising is that she also does not lack in self-awareness, which is why she won’t get on stage herself but is eager to watch various Westons humiliate themselves in delicious fashion.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/19/24

See, Buck isn’t physically abusive, and he would never abandon his own child if they came out as nonbinary. That should make you feel lucky to have him as an inexplicably recurring character in this comic strip. Never complain about roots country bullshit again! Think of the alternatives!

Judge Parker, 7/19/24

“Wait, did I imply something interesting might be happening in this storyline? Ha ha, just kidding! Please do not get emotionally invested! It’s just more vague psychodrama, I swear!”

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Judge Parker, 7/16/24

Sorry to sound like, you know, a worrywart, but I think that if I had glimpsed what looked very much like my dead father wrapped in chains under water, I might … not spend my time relaying that information to my friend as if it were a mildly interesting dream I had? I dunno, I might call home at that point. “Abbey!” I’d say, if I were her. “What’s Sam up to? Seen him lately? I don’t suppose he’s working on any cases where he might get murdered and his corpse dropped into the Long Island Sound? You’d probably know something about that, if that were going on, right?” That’s what I’d do. I don’t want to tell Sophie how to live her life. But it just seems like maybe it’d head off some misunderstandings.

Mary Worth, 7/16/24

I very much love the symbolism of the second panel here. “Dear, I know engaging with your mother is emotionally painful,” Mary is saying, “but I urge you to grasp onto that thorny relationship with your bare hands, no matter how much it leads you to suffer! Me? I’m wearing gloves. I have no stake in any of this and it won’t affect me at all.”

The Phantom, 7/16/24

Hey, remember the rocket that fake Elon Musk launched a few weeks ago? Well, it crashed in Bangalla, and this cute robot rover guy was in it, and now he’s wandering around the Bangallan jungle. Don’t have much to say about it but I thought you’d like to see him. I just think he’s neat!