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Mary Worth 5/26/25

OK, sorry, it’s very funny that Wilbur’s instinct upon stumbling onto this perfectly insane scene is to address not Belle, his girlfriend/sex partner/whatever who is capable of understanding and responding to normal human speech, but rather his fish, who is not. I guess he really does love that fish and/or is untethered from reality, ha ha! Speaking of which, check out those pinprick constricted pupils on Belle. Clearly she was neither kissing nor preparing to eat Willa, but was rather somehow getting high from interacting with the fish, using some advanced technique currently known only to Florida men and women.

Blondie, 5/26/25

Ha ha, it’s funny because the Bumsteads are in a financially desperate state, and Dagwood has turned to gambling in a last-ditch effort to pay the family bills!

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 5/25/25

Every once in a while, I get frustrated with myself for not being able to remember my parents’ anniversary, or the names of people I’ve met socially on multiple occasions, but then on days like today I realize that those parts of my brain are being put to much more important uses, like remembering Slylock Fox puzzles from 2008 so I can immediately recognize when they get repeated. Today’s strip uses the same fake-Weirdly-hunger-strike gimmick as the previous version, but includes all new art, including the particularly grotesque detail of a duck cop sneeringly offering the Count a hot dog. In a world full of sapient pigs and cows, Weirdly may be refusing to eat primarily because he fears he’s being entrapped into a crime much graver than his usual misdemeanors.

Mary Worth, 5/25/25

I think we all kind of knew Belle was going to kill Willa, but I don’t think any of us expected her to eat her. I guess she saw Wilbur demonstrating genuine affection for his little fish friend and decided that she would need to actually consume her rival in order to gain Willa’s totemic power and transfer Wilbur’s affections to her. “But if that’s her M.O., why would she repeatedly try to poison Dawn, then?” you’re probably asking. “Wouldn’t that just befoul the meat?” That presumes Wilbur has ever displayed as much warmth for his daughter as he has for his fish, and I simply don’t believe that’s the case.

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Heathcliff, 5/21/25

Real heads who read Heathcliff daily know that most weeks have a theme of some sort — “dirt week”, “garbage week”, and so forth. This week is “sunflower week,” and the way it’s unfolded is a pretty good demonstration of how the current delightfully deranged iteration of Heathcliff works. Monday’s panel was pretty normal, all things considered: Heathcliff and a baseball manager are sitting in a dugout, Heathcliff is spitting sunflower seeds the way baseball players do, there are a bunch of very tall sunflowers (normal sunflowers without human faces, mind you) growing in the dugout, taking up most of the room, and the manager says “No more chewing sunflower seeds.” You could see a version of this as a New Yorker cartoon. But things have escalated: today Heathcliff is standing in the outfield, summoning a grinning, sunglasses-wearing spirit, the so-called “Genie of the Sunflower Seeds,” from his snack packet. And it’s only Wednesday! Imagine how much weirder this could potentially get!

Mary Worth, 5/21/25

Is it, Belle? Is it cute that Wilbur is admitting, right in front of Willa, that originally he liked Stellan better, and now considers Willa his “best little buddy” only because Stellan died? Because I don’t think that’s cute at all, actually. I think it’s pretty fucked up.

The Phantom, 5/21/25

Some might criticize the continuity strips for their glacial pacing, especially strips that are supposed to be about superheroic action. But if The Phantom were fast-paced, could it afford to spend an entire strip on Kit’s erotic reverie? That’s not a tradeoff I’m willing to make!