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Mary Worth, 5/8/25

Say what you will about Mary, but she is the master of manners, and one of the keys to having good manners is that if you can’t say something nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all. When taken to its extreme, this can create a sort of negative semantic space that becomes obvious enough to be insulting in its own right. Like, what is Belle to Wilbur, exactly? Are they friends? Hard to say. Boyfriend and girlfriend? Mary isn’t privy but seems unlikely. Lovers? A lady never enquires about bedroom matters. So Mary’s settled on “guest,” which is inarguably true. Belle certainly is someone who is staying in Wilbur’s apartment with his consent, that’s for sure! Whatever else you say about her, and there’s a long list of things that you could say about her but Mary won’t, she definitely fits the dictionary definition of a “guest,” so that’s what she’s going with. Anyway, Dawn, I think dinner is going to be plenty long, because I don’t think you’ll be able to chew your way through that gray slab of vegan lasagna particularly quickly.

Wizard of Id, 5/8/25

The sociologist Max Weber talks about “disenchantment” (entzauberung, in German) as the process by which a medieval society founded on religion and magical thinking gave way to enlightened, rational modernity. That’s why it’s disappointing to see the Wizard of Id, who lives in a literally magical faux-medieval past, treat his body as a mere mechanical contrivance that could be repaired by a skilled tradesman, rather than a vessel of luminous spirit.

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Gearhead Gertie, 5/1/25

When you have a main character with a strong and deranged point of view, like Gertie in Gearhead Gertie, the question arises: are we meant to think that she’s insane, or that she’s the sane one in an insane universe that only she fully understands? The Gearhead Gertie strips where we see Gertie’s husband (LORE DROP: Gertie’s husband’s name is “Harold”) getting increasingly exasperated by her NASCAR monomania seem to indicate the former; but today’s strip, in which we learn that Gertie’s negative opinion about Formula One (a sport that millions of people in our universe enjoy and find exciting) is in fact objectively correct proves that, within the boundaries of this panel, it truly is Gearhead Gertie’s world and the rest of these poor unfortunate souls are just living in it.

Mary Worth, 5/1/25

Hey, fun fact: did you know that the dish Belle is referring to is usually called “black pudding,” because these days even non-vegans find the idea of eating blood a little gross, and there are in fact tons of vegan recipes for it? A lot of them are pretty low calorie, too. So maybe chill out a little, Dawn, I think you might be overreacting to this one.

Archie, 5/1/25

I’ve always admired the names of many of the adult characters in Archie Comics. “Geraldine Grundy,” “Waldo Weatherbee,” “Hiram Lodge,” “Professor Elmer Flutesnoot”: all god-tier comics names. Sadly, Archie’s dad is just “Fred Andrews,” which is much less interesting, though honestly he’s a much less interesting character, and I frankly have never really gotten a handle on what his deal is supposed to be. I guess he finds Archie irritating? Look at how aggrieved he is here, for instance. Hey, Fred, you ever think that your son’s lack of grit and time management skills might be at least partly your fault? You treat your son with disdain yet you proudly drink from a “#1 Dad” mug! You’ve got some self-reflection to do, mister.

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Dustin, 4/27/25

You might recall last week when Dustin was, if not concerned about his parents’ increasingly obvious marital dysfunction and mutual antipathy, then at least kind of satisfied to see it. But Meg? Meg’s younger, and she no doubt has even fewer memories of her parents ever having been happy. This is just the background radiation of her life, and if she has a choice between listening to her father mutter about the long list of resentments her mother clings to or looking at literally anything on her phone, well, that’s not really a very hard decision for her.

Mary Worth, 4/27/25

I’m sorry, I object to this. One thing that I am very certain about is that, culturally speaking, Dawn is an utter philistine. Dawn has not seen Psycho enough times for it to worm its way into her subconscious. Dawn has never watched a black and white movie, or really anything longer than one of your middle-length TikToks. This scene should really be overlaid with the text “POV: Your father’s new girlfriend tries to unalive you with a kn*fe” and somehow take place in the front seat of a car.