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Dick Tracy, 10/15/19

It was all fun and games reading up on the hilarious backstory of Detective Frisk and Sal Monella, but the current storyline has turned out to be kind of enh, mostly involving Frisk tracking down Lily, her birth mother, who turns out to have sold Frisk as a baby as part of some kind of baby-selling ring she’s still connected to that Frisk is investigating, and now she’s pretending to emotionally bond with Frisk so that the ring can … catch up with Frisk, I think? Or something. Anyway, today is notable because said baby-selling bio-mom proves that she’s truly beyond the pale morally by openly lusting after Vitamin Flintheart, who’s a weird gross old man and also already spoken for. Control yourself, Lily! You should go see a production of Our Town to appreciate its metatheatrical commentary on ordinary lives, not to get horny!

Mary Worth, 10/15/19

Speaking of not getting horny, Wilbur and Estelle are strengthening their bond by belting out Sandy Denny’s 1973 folk-rock classic, “Who Knows Where the Time Goes?” Meanwhile, Iris has been feeling exhausted, possibly because her hot young stud boyfriend’s sexual endurance is outpacing hers. “Maybe you should cut back on your class schedule?” Zak suggests. “And focus your energy on the important stuff? Like sex with me?”

Marvin, 10/15/19

Meanwhile, over in Marvin, Marvin’s grandpa yearns to join his wife in the grave, and honestly: if the alternative is hanging around alive with the rest of his family, who can blame him?

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Blondie, 10/11/19

A little something about me, folks: I have plantar fasciitis and various hip/lower/back/hamstring problems, which means that shoes that don’t work exactly right for me can cause me a lot of cumulative physical discomfort. Right now pretty much the only shoes I wear that aren’t dress shoes (and thank goodness I barely ever have to wear dress shoes) are these bad boys from Keen plus their sandal equivalent, both of which I own in multiple colors at any given time. And so while to my eyes Dagwood’s shoes look wildly uncomfortable, I respect the fact that he spotted the grey version of the brown shoes he always wears on sale and immediately snapped them up.

Family Circus, 10/11/19

Here’s another little something about me: I’m a huge baby about horror movies and thus almost never watch them, but I do like to read the plot descriptions of the really popular ones on Wikipedia, where, stripped of the filmmaking arts, they just come off as vaguely ridiculous. Anyway, based on the Wikipedia plot summary of 2018’s Hereditary (and, uh, spoilers ahead for a year-old film, I guess), Billy’s “trouble” is that he was supposed to be the human host for an ancient demon worshipped by a coven led by his grandmother, but the evil spirit was implanted in Jeffy instead, which quite honestly explains quite a lot.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/11/19

This is kind of Linda to say, but of course Buck already knew. They had already expressed deep intimacy the only way Funkyverse characters know how: by engaging in awful wordplay together.

Mary Worth, 10/11/19

“Look, Estelle, are you expecting emotional fulfillment from a heterosexual relationship with a man? You think I’m happy with Dr. Jeff? I barely even like Dr. Jeff. Now get out there and become Wilbur’s girlfriend, for the love of Christ.”

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Mary Worth, 10/10/19

OK, uh, Mary, remember how Wilbur just like, what, six months ago in strip time completely lost his mind in a jealous rage over his ex? His ex who he had dumped for his scam girlfriend (wait: have Wilbur and Estelle talked about their history of being scam victims yet????) and then became enraged when it turned out she had moved on? I’m not sure if Mary genuinely thinks those are just “endaring quirks” or if in fact is losing her interest in interfering in Estelle and Wilbur’s lives. It’s like she knows they aren’t right together but just wants them safely paired off so she can stop worrying about them. And that has me worried about Mary. When she’s lost her zest for meddling, that means something’s seriously wrong and she needs to be evaluated for depression or worse.

Mark Trail, 10/10/19

Oh, snap, it looks like our heroes were spending so much time making sure they weren’t attacked by fake, made-up animals that they forgot to guard against endangered but still very real animals! Thank goodness the Cryptozoology Department at whatever college gave Dr. Camel tenure picked up the tab for rental car insurance this time around, because otherwise Woods and Wildlife reporters on assignment would be taking a lot of Lyft rides in the future.