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Folks, it’s the end of the year and faithful reader Wanders has once again put together the best of Mary Worth for your consideration for the Worthy Awards! You have the opportunity to vote in such important categories as Outstanding Performance By An Inconsequential Character, Best Prop, Panel of the Year, and, of course, the most highly anticipated category, Outstanding Floating Head. Make democracy meaningful by weighing in!

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Curtis, 12/23/20

Good news, everyone! Curtis’s parents are going to cure coronavirus!

Funky Winkerbean, 12/23/20

Good news, everyone! Thanks to the internet, you no longer have to worry about the whole Funky Winkerbean gang showing up outside your house uninvited!

Crock, 12/23/20

Good news, everyone! Women have finally invented a beer mug with a hidden microchip in it!

Mary Worth, 12/23/20

Good news, everyone! Tommy has gotten a part-time job as a school monitor! I’m not sure what a “school monitor” is — is it a euphemism for an in-school cop like “resource officer,” or maybe someone who’s supposed to kind of act like an in-school cop but doesn’t have any actual legal police authority? — but if there’s one thing I know about teens and/or tweens, it’s that if the guy who used to give cringe-y anti-drug talks to their class suddenly popped up as a vaguely defined authority figure without much actual authority, the cruelty and bullying would be relentless. Excited to see Tommy go into a downward emotional spiral that brings him back to the pill bottle/meth pipe!

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Mary Worth, 12/15/20

Mary’s advice to Tommy was basically just to keep doing the good stuff he was doing and not give up on himself, and that positive things would come of that. She didn’t promise that Brandy would take him back as a result, but now that Tommy’s come bearing good news and the raw material for salmon squares, Mary wants all the specifics. She has advice-giving metrics she needs to hit, and she needs hard data on relationship re-engagement for the Q4’20 PowerPoint she’s putting together for her presentation to the board.

Gil Thorp, 12/15/20

Ah yes, it’s the most sacred moment in any Gil Thorp storyline: the Ceremonial Rattling Off Of The Names. Sometimes this is just an excuse for the strip to later on be like “we did too tell you who all these people are, you can’t complain just because our sports action is wholly baffling,” but sometimes it’s an opportunity to set up the important characters for the coming storylines. Like this Doug Guthrie fella! Turns out that he’s good at basketball but won’t fully pay attention to Coaches Gil and Kaz just because they’re “boring” and “spend all day in their office yelling names at each other.” Hopefully this twerp will get his priorities in order, and soon!

Dick Tracy, 12/15/20

This is an honestly very educational strip about what happens in an underground marketplace where there’s no set of shared best practices for industry professionals and no universally trusted third-party regulatory body with jurisdiction over product labelling. Anyway, when it comes to people who probably won’t notice or react badly if they do notice when you sell them a somewhat smaller amount of merchandise than what you originally promised for a set price, definitely cocaine addicts are the first group that I think of.