Post Content

Mary Worth, 9/30/19

Oh, good, now that Dawn’s romantic situation is more or less settled for the moment, we can move on and focus on Wilbur’s romantic situation, because, presumably, we’re all dead and in some very specifically tailored hell where we can’t stop reading about the sex lives of the various dopey members of the Weston clan. You’ll of course recall that Wilbur and the lovely, well-heeled but unlucky in love widow Estelle connected via dating app a few months ago. Naturally Wilbur reacted to this turn of good fortune by peacing out to Mozambique without figuring out the terms of their relationship. “It’s all good,” Wilbur thought as he got on that jet. “Obviously women can’t live without me, so creating this ambiguity will just send her into a Wilbur-love frenzy and she’ll be wrapped around my finger by the time I get back. Definitely my absence won’t lead to her getting involved with somebody else, sending me into an extremely hilarious emotional tailspin, which is exactly what happened in my last relationship.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/30/19

I have to admit to being utterly charmed by how gobsmacked Snuffy is by this development. “Checkers? Checkers that you can eat? And the eating creates a new incentive within the context of the game rules? This. Changes. Everything.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/30/19

Oh, I’m sorry, do you think the plots in Rex Morgan, M.D., are “slow moving” and “dull”? Well, we’re going to physically immobilize our characters one by one, until you beg for the level of excitement we’ve been dishing out up to this point. You’ll beg, do you hear us?

Post Content

Beetle Bailey, 9/27/19

What’s your favorite disturbing detail here? A lot of people are going to say it’s that the fake parents have no legs, but I’m going to go with the fact that the creator of this little diorama has repurposed the PA system in this room for nagging parental dialogue, so that it clearly isn’t coming from their eternally open but eternally silent painted-on mouths.

Crankshaft, 9/27/19

This week’s Crankshaft, presumably inspired by someone spending a lot of time at book fairs, has been giving us a gently parodic tour of the various silly types you might see at a book fair. Today’s specimen: an author who actually wants someone to buy his book and is actively taking steps to catch the interest of potential customers, what a whore

Mary Worth, 9/27/19

“At least you’re trying. On to a different topic: have you heard from your father, who’s never tried anything and gives up on things extremely easily?”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/27/19

“No hilarity ensued”: The Funky Winkerbean mission statement.

Judge Parker, 9/27/19

Oh, hey, remember how Abbey was going to turn her opulent estate into a bed and breakfast? Well, today’s the today when she thinks to herself, “Wait, I’m, like, super duper rich, why do I have a job in the service industry all of the sudden? Fuck this.”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 9/25/19

“You must feel like you’re on a roller coaster of emotion, dear! Me, I like to keep it on an even keel. If something bad — or good — happens to me, I use the power of my mind to to smooth that memory down until it’s just one more in a series of low-impact incidents in a calm, orderly life. Feelings are for the young and the poor, I always say!”

Dennis the Menace, 9/25/19

I think we need to admit to our selves that Dennis’s menacing, despite being right there in the name of the strip, is really an an informed attribute — something the other characters claim to believe without any evidence within the narrative to back them up. Today’s panel, in which Mr. Wilson declares “That Mitchell kid is more dangerous than the nuclear arsenals that can wipe out the human race with a simple press of the button! He’s an extinction-level event in red overalls, I tell you!” while Dennis flops goofily around on his lawn, is perhaps the clearest evidence of this yet.