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Mark Trail, 11/8/19

Sorry I haven’t kept you up to date on what’s been going on in the month since Mark and Dr. Camel and their crew got attacked by a rhino, but honestly trust me when I say that it hasn’t been that interesting! There was an elephant ride but even that was more boring than it sounds, and as you can see they’re still in Nepal’s semi-tropical lowland zone and not in the rugged, mountainous region, which I assume is infested with yeti. Sorry, Mark Trail, you can’t promise me yeti and then just show me a bunch of boring-ass animals I can see in any zoo and expect me to remain engaged! In today’s strip, Genie desperately tries to liven things up by giving everyone cholera, but Mr. Mark “No Fun” Trail is gonna put a stop to even that.

Mary Worth, 11/8/19

An underrated thing about human beings — which is often borne out by, say, the oeuvre of Sacha Baron Cohen — is that we try our hardest to maintain illusion that everything is going fine and normally even when one participant in a social situation is behaving bizarrely and inappropriately. I both appreciate and find it fairly realistic that Zak, Estelle, and Iris are cheerfully going around the table saying what they liked about their meal while Wilbur is literally smearing himself with noodles. It’s magnificent.

Six Chix, 11/8/19

Sorry, I refuse to believe that this supposed slacker would have a framed picture hanging at a weird angle but then leave his cans neatly placed upright on the floor. And what are you going to stain your shirt with that’s grey? I feel like he’s protesting a little too much, like he wants a girlfriend who’s going to whip him into shape, literally, as part of some slovenliness dom/sub play.

Dennis the Menace, 11/8/19

So … instead of pretending to do yard work, you’re instead going to pretend to have a big dispute at the condo board meeting about the various estimates on what it’s going to cost to fix the elevator? I think we can agree both of these games suck ass.

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Gil Thorp, 11/6/19

Aww, sweet injustice-hating Chance Macy nobly faked an injury so that his backup (who is the stepson of his antagonist) could get some playing time and a touchdown in a game where the Mudlarks were already way ahead. Could this guy get any more saintly? Looking forward to Chet getting unmasked and then dumped from the school board and then Charlie Roh’s mom divorces him and then he’s ritually burned to death in next year’s bonfire.

Mary Worth, 11/6/19

See, the difference between me and Wilbur is that if I were drunk and trying to needle a romantic rival about his name, the worst I could do is wonder why a woman would think she had honored a person with a totally normal name lke “Zachary” by giving her son the dumb misspelled name “Zak,” but Wilbur just went there with “Zachary fucked your mom, LOL,” huh? Anyway, shoutout to everyone who only just today discovered that “lovely but stern late-middle-aged woman jams a spring roll down a hapless doofus’s throat while a handsome man watches, smiling” is their primary fetish.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/6/19

“It was cold-blooded murder! I left those keys where I knew he would find them! And I’m not sorry! I’m not sorry at all!”

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/5/19

Ah, finally, the reason Silas wears a red armband makes sense: He’s a socialist, here to spread the word that the factotums of electoral democracy are in fact enslaved to capital. And if you’re wondering “why is a socialist the only person in Hootin’ Holler who runs a store,” it sounds like you’re unfamiliar with Marxist theory, which insists that a civilization must pass through all phases of economic development before it can achieve a truely classless society. Silas isn’t going to try dragging this barter-based agricultural community straight into the dictatorship of the proletariat like some kind of common Maoist!

Crock, 11/5/19

I’m just gonna ignore the “what if telemarketers, but in an ill-defined North African setting, where incidentally we’ve previously acknowledged that phones exist” joke here and focus instead on Maggot’s bib. Does it make any sense at all to wear a bib when you aren’t wearing a shirt? If you’re living in a tent in the desert with no running water to wash the food off your chest, maybe? I guess we should really factor in the fact that the bib matches Maggot’s skin color so precisely that it’s almost certainly made from the flesh of a member of his immediate family.

Mary Worth, 11/5/19

The best part about today’s episode of Wilbur’s Drunken Double Date Meltdown is Zak’s genuine smile in panel two. Not only is he (unsurprisingly) not even remotely threatened by Wilbur, but he’s enjoying this is as much as we are!