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Mary Worth, 1/26/17

Guys! Did you know that millennials symbolize a sexual pair-bond with matching tattoos? And did you know that millennials refer to a tattoo as “an ink”, with “inks” being the plural? This is all 100% true, I am a millennial expert, please have me on your cultural affairs television program.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/26/17

Have you ever wondered what it would look if the “second coming” of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ did not involve him returning to Earth to judge the living and the dead, as many believe will happen, but instead just took the form of him appearing as a walk-on character in the syndicated comic strip Barney Google and Snuffy Smith? Well now you know!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/23/17

Oh yeah, right, the artist of those smutty comic books Rex found under his floorboards, for whom Buck is serving as an agent, is real real old! I certainly hope Buck is running a Weekend At Bernie’s-style scam for this book tour, and that whopper of a check he just handed Rex was a bribe to make sure that the good doctor certifies Hank Sr. as “just resting his eyelids.”

Mary Worth, 1/23/17

Wouldn’t it be great if this conversation just kept going on with misunderstandings that make Zak feel like Iris condescending to him as a young person?

“Heh heh … no, Zak, I was just quoting Bogie!”

“Bogie? Isn’t that a golf term? You’re making fun of me because I don’t play golf, like some guy your age would?”

“No, he’s a film actor…”

“Oh, you like films, huh? I suppose I can’t appreciate that because I’m too young to remember a day before movies were shot digitally, and also I can’t sit still in a theater for two hours without looking at my phone?”

“No, Zak, the movie’s called Casablanca…”

“In Morocco? You know I haven’t travelled to Africa! I’m not worldly the way … the way Wilbur is!” [sobs]

Dennis the Menace, 1/23/17

Dennis plans to opt out of the entire economic structure of our society. Menace level: very high.

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Mary Worth, 1/22/17

Hmm, some interesting mixed messages being sent by Mary Worth today. On the one hand, Dostoyevsky urges us to resist the urge to try to cater to popular opinion, implying we should follow our hearts, enjoying sexy times with hot younger dudes no matter how much our ex-ish-boyfriends’ daughters might disapprove. On the other hand, the final panel reveals that Iris is feeling some regrets, or at least has chosen to end the evening by settling into bed not with her sexy young lover, but rather a laptop with its browser pointed to www.giantpictureofwilburweston.com. Watch out, Zak!

Pluggers, 1/22/17

A grandpa plugger’s bucket list will never be completed … because they will never die, thanks to their awesome power of astromancy! THE BEAST-MAN WHO NAMES AND CONTROLS THE STARS IS THE BEAST-MAN WHO LIVES FOREVER, AS PROPHECY FORETOLD