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Mary Worth, 8/3/16

Mary Worth is determined to show us that the heaven of a Vicodin high is followed swiftly and brutally by the hell of a running-out-of-Vicodin low. While I appreciate the almost Picasso-esque depiction of Tommy with only a single visible eye in panel two, if we’re going to go deeper into this withdrawal sequence I’m sad that we won’t get to see Joe Giella’s take on that baby crawling across the ceiling from Trainspotting.

Shoe, 8/3/16

Haha, yes, vegans are from space, or maybe just travel from place to place in spaceships? This is definitely a stereotype about vegans that is common and well-known! I mean, I’ve never heard it, but you’ve got to believe that someone who can craft realistic-sounding dialogue like “do you have food for vegans?” knows a lot about vegans.

Family Circus, 8/3/16

This guy knows what’s up. He’s the only adult here, he promised all these litte bastards fish, and if he doesn’t deliver they’re gonna turn on him.

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Mary Worth, 8/2/16

So far this storyline has been mostly about how amazing Vicodin is at relieving both physical and emotional pain. And if taking a little Vicodin is good, then taking a lot of Vicodin is great! So what’s not to like about this drug? Well, it turns out that there are serious side effects, like the inability to count pills or even notice that the bottle you’ve been gazing at lovingly for weeks is almost empty! The solution: buy as much Vicodin as you can, so you never run out! Get your hands on it by any means necessary!

Gil Thorp, 8/2/16

Aw, Gil is going to make True Standish be nice to the guy whose main hobby is being an intense asshole about how his dad killed True’s ex-girlfriend/best friend. This raises some questions, like, doesn’t the baseball team have an actual captain Gil could do this half-asssed-intervening-by-proxy to? And shouldn’t True be getting ready to go off to college, seeing as it’s the first week of August and all?

Dick Tracy, 8/2/16

“In case you didn’t know it, she’s turned up again…”

[long, dramatic pause]

“…on social media!!!!!”

[everyone screams and screams endlessly because this is the most shocking thing they can imagine]

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The Phantom, 7/30/16

In the non-monastery-based Phantom Kids Go Off To School plot, the Phantom’s daughter Heloise is at her fancy boarding school in New York with her new roommate, who is, unbeknownst to anyone, the daughter of her father’s mysterious arch-nemesis, Eric Sahara, the Nomad! The girls are anxiously feeling each other about their fathers and the nebulous sources of vast wealth that allow them to attend an expensive private school. Don’t feel awkward or out of place, girls: you’re mingling with the children of New York City’s elite! Plenty of your classmates’ parents have killed people. Mostly they’ve killed them by firing them so they don’t have health insurance anymore, but still.

Mary Worth, 7/30/16

Vicodin®: It Can Help You Clean Up An Explosive Diarrhea Situation™! Ask your doctor if Vicodin is right for you, your family, and your sandwich eatery that maybe has a little more E. coli in the meat than is strictly ideal.